Memoirs of Richard Trigaux: 9 Le Faith, 1981-1990

How I could fall into that trap

(Permalink) Written in May 2019.

This whole Faitg affair was certainly the biggest mistake of my whole life. Yet I do not reject the experience, nor especially what I learned from it. But the trap was well set, and denouncing this kind of thing is the main reason for this biography. Because you will inevitably be confronted to similar situations, even if it is not about extraterrestrial messages or other things which seem unreasonable once we know the truth. I was not the only one, by the way: my whole generation was more or less trapped, by the cults of the 1960s and 70s, and by the New Age in the 1980s. So please read on, for your own good, because the bait which awaits you will inevitably seem «good» and «reasonable». (Added July 2020: like accepting stories of not wearing masks during an epidemic! Extraterrestrials are more credible, in the end, aren’t they?)

You will probably think I was pretty stupid to fall for a story about extraterrestrial telepathic messages. Actually, this kind of thing happens often, whenever someone discovers an area censored by society in general. In this situation, we realize that society is incomplete, or even that it is lying. What happens then is indeed the fault of that said society: we tend to accept the new source of information as more reliable. This is what happens when intelligent people are taken in by idiotic cults, or accept absurd conspiracy theories. But being «like everybody» does not protect you either: it also is how you get brainwashed by television, populist parties, the brexit (Added in 2026: hooded pedophiles kidnapping children in broad daylight, while pretending to fight immigration) So it could just as easily happen to you, just that it is necessarily something you don't know yet, and it will surprise your judgment, due to a lack of reference points. One day you will discover something that will seem like a revelation, and you will fall for it. (For example, climate change denial, COVID denial, etc. In terms of sheer stupidity, it is far worse than extraterrestrial messages). This is why I am talking about it, and I study the process in details, as I experienced it. And you too will fall victim to it, if you close this book without trying to understand it. This book is for you to understand the process, and you don't get caught in it yourself. So always be wary of anything which entices you to become hostile towards society in general. Hatred of others or of society is finally an easy touchstone to detect this trap.

Criticism, yes; hostility, no.

Added in April 2026: If the New Age movement has not been directly infiltrated by marxists, it has nonetheless been infected by a culture of this sort, which was insidiously present among many of its members, including in the USA:

🤪A dualistic division between the «bad» society and the «good» spiritualists. Which, by lack of a social equality view, sometimes led to drifts towards the far right, as we shall see.

🤭A caricatured view of spiritual awakening, reduced to a mere change of allegiance. To the extent that, as we shall see, Newagers have often fought against true spiritualists (vegetarians, Buddhists, etc.).

😶An absolute and destructive complacency toward all the wackos, delinquents, imbeciles, seen as «proletarians» with all the rights. Since I was not yet totally cleansed of this mindset, this likely contributed to blinding me about Viviane. This also is why today leftists support the «muslim» extremists, despite they hate anything religious.

(Back to the May 2019 text) But extraterrestrial, you might think. Of course, in 2019 this idea is pretty stale. But you need to place yourself in the epoch context: in 1981, it was new, and the scientific study of UFOs had prepared me for it. Informed people had the impression that contact was imminent, or even that some people could already be contacted privately. That the society rejected the UFOs and extraterrestrials put it at fault. And, through the classical reversal of values, anyone who discovered this lie tended to become a «believer». This is how, later in the 1990s and beyond, so many people fell for conspirationism, «tin foil hat», «alien abductions», rectal probing, and so on. But back then, there was not all this idiotic and negative folklore surrounding UFOs. Informed people were rare, but they spoke positively about them. Some RR3 cases even showed angelic «extraterrestrials». The idea that UFOs were malevolent emerged later, in the 1980, with the rise of the groty-punk scene. The first time I heard that extraterrestrials were negative was around 1982, from a Mensa member who lived in Argelès, near the Faitg. She was so depressing that I never went back to see her. This idea probably has a religious origins: creatures not mentioned in the Bible would necessarily be «demons». It then spread through the influence of racist anti-extraterrestrial films like «Alien», hence this pejorative term which has since become dominant. But it only became visible to the general public later, in the 1990s, with the «ET abduction» craze and the Roswell pseudo-crash.

In any case, there was no mention of UFOs at the Faitg, only «messengers» who sometimes incorporated Viviane and spoke through her. It was therefore more a case of mediumship by incorporation, a phenomenon well known to spiritualists. Exactly like today the Nechung, the Dalai Lama's official oracle, who incorporates a monk he chooses from his monastery, and to whom some famous divinations are attributed. But, being a beginner in spirituality, I did not yet knew its worst trap: fake mediums. They are extremely dangerous people who use their pseudo-magic to manipulate or to destroy us. Viviane was exactly that! What distinguished her, however, from the ordinary little sociopaths is that she took time before starting to torture her victim, alternating kindness and «reconciliation» between vicious psychological attacks. After weeks and months of patiently building our complete trust, her sudden change of attitude would then appear to be our fault, without us understanding why. This is a situation that victims of psychological harassment describe as intolerable, which I can only confirm.

One might think that, like my father, she would have experienced bouts of sociopathy between periods of normalcy. But for both, their lack of empathy was constant. This alternation of kindness and crisis was therefore an intentional game, not the result of a mental disorder like bipolarity.

But the main difficulty in this situation is that sociopathy was also completely unknown at the time. And thus, Viviane’s attitude was totally inunderstandable. The concept only emerged publicly in the 1990s, thus after my final departure from the Faitg. We owe this to Marie-France Hirigoyen, a psychiatrist specializing in victimology who wrote the seminal book «Stalking the Soul» which identifies all stalkers, mockers, hazers, bullies and other tormentors as having psychiatric disorders. She called them «narcissiques pervers», but the term «sociopath» has since become more widely used. In 2019, the official psychiatric nomenclature calls them «Anti-Social Personality Disorder», ASP or ASPD in the DMS-IV, see what Psych Central, a leading psychiatric publication, has to say about it. So thank you very much, Madam, for revealing such an important concept: you have saved so many people. Personally, it would have saved me years, by helping me understand that I was a victim of a form of sociopathy which played in the angelic style. (I also had about Viviane several dreams of frightful angels, like the ones in Luc Besson's film «The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc». There even was a very beautiful but downright terrifying one emerging from a well, just like the truth.) If I had read this book, I would have known that no matter how hard I tried, there was no solution to the problem, no forgiveness, no redemption, with an incurably ill person whose sole purpose was to assert her ego by destroying everybody else. (Added in 2020: I learned that she died in 2018, too late to pray for her. Not good for her, because according to Buddhism, manipulators and liars go into the icy hells, where, in addition to the torture of freezing, they feel all the suffering and sadness of their victims.)

But my heaviest restrain to the Faitg was my relationship with Noisette. I knew perfectly well that if I left the Faitg, it would mean leaving her. And that, I did not wanted to. Indeed, after having paid the price for being too libertine earlier in my life, I now wanted to respect fidelity in love. So I could not leave the Faitg while Noisette was there. But she was far too comfortable there, spared from working or having normal social interactions, with her «Gentle Vivi» who spared her of any mental effort!

The problem was, I had actually gone from one extreme to the other. From libertine to accepting a toxic relationship. Neither is good. In fact, I had every right to leave Noisette without breaking our informal agreement: she herself had already broken that agreement the minute she took Viviane as her «spiritual stepmother», cutting off all communication with me. Yes, sex and love are inseparable, but they are also inseparable from a healthy and respectful social relationship. Otherwise, they are just caricatures. Especially, the energy exchange cannot work in constant scolding and hostility, and any such partner must be divorced of, with the wrongs and alimony to pay.

Her betrayal reached its most serious form when she began mistreating our children. Not content with betraying the man who loved her, she also betrayed the fruit of her own flesh. And that, few will forgive her for.

More spiritual trap

(Permalink) Added in August 2019

I described the external causes of the situation above. But I am the only one who stayed in the Faitg for so long, the other community candidates only stayed a year or two at most. Most felt bad after only some weeks, see some hours. I, too, quickly realized that the situation was unhealthy, but there was an internal cause which made me persevere and refuse to see that nothing good would come of it. Two causes, in fact:

- Attachment to my vision

- Dualistic rejection of society.

These are classic spiritual errors of beginners, very typical, that all the sects exploit. But apparently, I had gone much further down the same path than the other visitors. I like to think it was because my aspiration was more sincere, more ardent, ha ha ha!

These factors naturally compounded with the practical difficulty of leaving a comfortable and pleasant material situation, having to rebuild my life, take on a time-guzzling job, and once again endure the noise, the limitations, the confinement of the city life, etc. These factors, along with some bad advice, explain the failure of my first attempt to leave the Faitg in 1985, we shall see how that (very badly) turned out.

But avoiding a spiritual challenge, and the suffering it entails, always leads to an even worse relapse. Thus, by 1986, I understood that I no longer had any place in the Faitg. This time, my determination was sufficient. But it was too late: my partner was pregnant. With children, I was now forced to stay. And to drink this cup to the dregs. It then was four difficult years of psychological stalking which even no longer tried to hide, until I finally had a legal obligation to report the mistreatment of my children. I was then forced to leave. But with the children, I was also forced to fight. We shall see later how I finally resolved this problem. And in the next chapter, how some judges and social services took their revenge on my children for my victory.

The irony is that, in fact, there was nothing to run from. My attachment to an ideal was the only thing which connected me to the suffering of the Faitg. Since then, I have seen truly spiritual people put an end to such situations in a matter of seconds. In my case, it would have meant moving, finding a job, and so on. But it was not an insurmountable obstacle, and I ultimately did it brillantly.

Added September 2023. It should also be noted that the concept of the New Age (New Era in the terminology of the time) was just emerging in 1980-81. And it was still «pure», whereas today it is irrevocably associated with fad diets like gluten-free, or with outright far-right movements. (Spirituality always rot by the right, and social justice by the left.) So nobody was suspicious about the New Age, and especially not me who was just discovering spirituality.

There were actually «accusations of cults» by the authorities, but they were not taken seriously. Didn't these people have a habit of attacking any progressive thought? They had repressed communities, they persecuted vegetarians and ecologists. Their compulsive propensity to throw the baby out with the bathwater actually strengthened the cults, by giving the impression that they were attacking every progressive movement. It would have been far more useful to attack the bad while protecting the good, as it was done with the «Islam of the basements» in the 2010s. On the contrary, in 1980 it was repression which pointed at the Good. This explains the enormous success of the cults and anti-social movements at that time!

Today, at best, the New Age remains a touching memory. But it has been too overused to recover. Especially since the arrival of authentic spiritual teachings renders it irrelevant. Yet, we still see infiltration by «dieticians», «therapists», «personnal development», «well being», and other charlatans who prey on the inexperience of novices or on the confusions about the goals and effects of spirituality. Follies like the anti-smart meter movement may seem harmless, but this way of thinking in a «gateway drug» which opens the door to much more serious things, such as the denial of COVID, which allowed the epidemic to last so long and kill so many people. These are not innocent games.

Who was Viviane

(Permalink) Written in May 2019.

The first contact of Noisette and me with the Faitg was therefore pleasant, giving no hint of what was to come. Viviane showed kind, helpful, and smiling, and her only fellow resident, Sylvain, seemed to be behaving normally, going about his various activities. This amiable appearance made a very good impression, which explains why the Faitg had so much support, and apparently it still does today. But, despite it stated for years it wanted to welcome many community members, it had no other residents. And there still are none today (2019). Indeed, only whose who stayed there long enough are aware of the problem. And, a bit like with sincere communists who visited the Soviet Union and saw the reality, the other members of their party did not believed them. Whose who only came to the Faitg on vacation or occasionally saw nothing abnormal. In fact, few imagined that such a seemingly high and angelic ideal could conceal such a cunning being. But I have seen others since, with the so-called contactees. It was not even new, I had already observed this phenomenon among leftists: their political analyses seem like the pinnacle of idealism to newcomers, but they were only used for childish hazing.

Yet there had already be one death, Jean Imbert, a former burglar who had found his redemption in the fairytale ideal of the Faitg. Sylvain had reels of Super 8 film showing Jean enthusiastically working with a kind of rototiller. But he could not escape his past, and he had to serve one year in prison. Viviane said he came back «bitter», and he committed suicide shortly afterward. But she never showed the slightest grief over this, placing the sole responsibility for this tragic outcome on him. Today we know: such indifference is a serious red flag! This complete lack of empathy is what allows me to label her a sociopath, despite her loud claims of sensitivity towards all the beings. But it is much easier to call oneself compassionate while petting an animal who cannot respond, than towards a human being who is asking for concrete help and genuine respect. What must have happened with Jean is that she started harassing him upon his return, at a time where he was vulnerable and in need of love to recover from the ordeal of prison. The matter was therefore very serious. Indeed, seeing a paradise ideal to rot is probably the most painful spiritual experience we can have. What I bore at the Faitg can be compared to what Milarepa experienced with Marpa, both in intensity and duration. But not in conclusion: Viviane was just an egotistical little girl, not a tantric master. She had nothing to offer but her factitious vision which served as bait. (The story of Milarepa and Marpa was already circulating in the New Age movement of the 1980s. But everybody drew the conclusions which served them.)

Okay, Viviane's harshness and unfairness could still pass for Marpa. But Viviane mistreating children and openly allowing a pedophile for one year, there could no longer be any spiritual justification, however convoluted. This is what finally forced me to leave.

What I ultimately did was to escape that trap, but I took the bait with me. It is her idea of a paradise world which is at the origin of my stories about the Eolis, then elves, and my creations in the virtual worlds. Just that I provide realistic means to achieve this, instead of shaming everybody.

To say that Viviane was a sociopath might seem simplistic. In fact, she only displayed malice in unpredictable episodes, or only against selected people, whom she felt they were not playing in her game. But I think she was quite malignant all the time, because even in her «normal state» she sometimes made remarks showing a complete lack of empathy, as with Jean Imbert above. She also had a very characteristic way of bringing everything about herself, cutting off all the conversations by always placing herself at the center, and always reducing everything to her narrow views. In this, she actually behaved exactly like my father, even if her rhetoric was the opposite. But since sociopaths have no ethics or commitments, they can defend one cause and its opposite from one minute to the next. My father did this, and so did Viviane, for example, denouncing speciecism while making racist remarks.

In ordinary sociopaths, their pathological traits are unconscious, so they cannot consciously hide them. But Viviane was capable of showing a great kindness for extended periods, between brief but violent outbursts. Furthermore, she spared and cared for her proxies (people that a sociopath manipulates to harm their victims), which included most of the regular visitors and other neighboring groups. These people were not seeing anything wrong with her, and they considered her to be of great wisdom and sensitivity. But at one point or another, she would start hating selected people and making absurd accusations against them. These fits of rage, without any apparent cause, gave the impression that we were inherently evil.

Then she would return just as unpredictably to kindness. Her ability to shift almost instantaneously from rage to ecstatic serenity was astonishing: you never see anyone do that. Even when a misunderstanding is resolved, the adrenaline takes half an hour to an hour to dissipate. It truly felt as if an angelic entity took control of her body and mind, magically erasing the anger and all its physical manifestations. Unheard of. In fact, according to Psych Central, sociopaths do not experience emotions, which spares them from symptoms like adrenaline rushes, shame, trembling, blushing and so on. This is what produces that special effect of «cold rage», which so many victims have noticed. But they are very skilled at mimicking any emotion. This instantaneous shift is therefore clear proof that she was imitating emotions, in order to deliberately play with our feelings.

This sudden return always occurred during the «reception of a mediumnic message». It was spectacular, very convincing, and it efficiently erased all doubts and resentments. But above all, it was an extremely powerful way to place her ego at the center: nothing could be done without her (Her «messengers», of course, only incorporated her. It is not by lack of trying to offer myself up for this purpose. But they never spoke to me, lol). Of course, we attributed these spectacular redemption to the «entities» who incorporated her, through some kind of magic on their part. Today I think she was more of an excellent actress, using her fabricated messages as bait, along with the appearance of a sensitivity she completely lacked of, as we shall see.

In fact, we were her emotional playthings, and she recognized no more initiative in us than to sentimental puppets. I believe the reason she hated me specially, was that I had my own personality, and I could do things without consulting her. Like all sociopaths, this was intolerable to her.

But there was another, more fundamental reason. She did not talked about it, and it was only when she began abusing our son that an incredible truth was revealed. We shall see this further, it is better to follow the story to understand.

I suspect she must have been examined by a psychiatrist at some point. Probably during her divorce from her ex-husband. She would never admit it, but a clue is that in one of her stories she featured a character persecuted by psychiatrists who considered her a «piastournée». I think that this diagnosis suits her well, and that psychiatrists should adopt it if they ever find other specimens of her kind. She had a whole personal vocabulary of that sort, which I won't repeat: those who heard it are sick of it.

The golden Age of the Faitg

(Permalink) Written in May 2019.

Our short stay with Noisette had been wonderful. A three-day escape into the nature and kindness of the Faitg. When we were about to leave, we both felt a deep sadness at leaving this atmosphere. This is when Viviane said to us, «But you could come and live here...» A little sentence I urge you to be wary of. Buddhism and several other major religions forbid proselytizing, and there are wise reasons for this. It is up to you to make your own decision in these matters. No one has the right to pressure us into making such a decision, especially not when we are emotionally vulnerable. Well, lacking experience, we were not wary, and after an initial refusal, Noisette finally told me, «This is where I want to live». Being officially her lover, I had to bend my own way for the sake of the couple. It is the normal way a couple functions. Where it becomes abnormal is when it is always the same one who has to change course. In our case, this bias in our relationship only became apparent when we had children: she then started making all the decisions without any question.

I had to wait some months to settle various affairs in Toulouse, leave my job at EDI, and finally realize the ideal I had dreamed of for years: living with a woman in a community! In nature! Spending all my time working for a better world! The place was ideal, with a small reputation in vegetarian and New Age circles, which allowed it to receive regular visitors: we were rarely alone, even in the depths of winter. For me, it was perfect. The best I could have wished for!

The first few months were wonderful. Human warmth, poetry, shared works, a garden, pastel-painted bedrooms, evening gatherings for meditation—all of this created a delightful atmosphere. Yet, early dreams already showed beautiful pastel blue paint on rotten wood. I think these dreams are a translation of visible signals that we do not perceive consciously. Probably connivences and whispers between Viviane and Noisette, I cannot remember exactly. Or perhaps it was the very childlike way Viviane spoke about animals. She was a committed vegetarian and an anti-speciesist before the term existed, ideas I also adopted. But the way she spoke of her «cocottes» (child’s word for hens) like a three-year-old had a ridiculous look: we wondered if she was brilliant, or if she was crazy. Like many others, I attributed this to her poor upbringing in a dysfunctional family (as she described it), followed by a solitary adolescence in the woods during the war. What mattered to us was the freshness of her vision of a world of gentleness and harmony, without predation or murder. It was a fantastic premonition, which has only recently come to light, thirty years later. But faced with this childish behavior and incorrigible ignorance, some visitors ran away. Literally, in some cases.

We eventually learned about her «messengers»: during Viviane's trances, which occurred in the evenings during meditations, it truly seemed that another person was speaking and animating her body. It was quite impressive, especially coming from someone with no formal education who could not possibly have heard of such things. These messages also seemed remarkably pure, angelic.

However, many details now lead me to believe that she was intentionally mimicking these trances. First, the fact that her «messengers» all had the same personality (yet there were twelve of them, each representing a different «virtue»). Then one day, when the atmosphere had already deteriorated considerably, a messenger announced that they would no longer be coming. I imagine that, if they were real, they had judged that Viviane had failed in her plan, having botched her relationship with Noisette and me. But after that, other messengers arrived, decidedly less benevolent, and sometimes downright unpleasant. Some called for hatred of non-vegetarians, and I even heard one demanding whisky. It was enough to make us wonder, and even distrust Viviane.

Then one day she pulled out a thick stack of magazines by Alan Kardec, the founder of Spiritism, which described in detail mediumistic trances and associated phenomena. (Regarding the magazine's title, I remember it being « Force Spirituelle», while wikipedia says «La Revue Spirite», I don't know the reason for this discrepancy.) So Viviane was not at all the innocent, virginal young girl she pretended to be: she knew these phenomena intimately and could therefore mimic them very convincingly, even to a specialist. She was a skilled spiritual con artist, much like later Whitley Strieber or Bud Hopkins.

Today, after my Buddhist training, I understand that there were two other more subtle but even more dangerous traps in her «teaching»:

1) It fostered distrust and dualistic hatred of society, against the «dinosaurs», against the «corpse eaters», in short, against everybody.

2) This artificial opposition between the idyllic vision and the «bad» reality created an intense expectation, and even frustration.

The problem is that expectation/frustration and dualism are two serious spiritual errors, which block all out understanding, contribute to dependence on false teachers like Viviane, and above all, to the depression or even suicide in their victims. The correct approach is indeed to have an ideal higher than that of the surrounding society, but to use this difference as a driving force for progress, instead of throwing it in people's faces, or making of it a source of pessimism and despair.

Vegetarian

(Permalink) Written in August 2022

The biggest positive aspect of the Faitg, and what it most directly brought to me, was vegetarianism. Before, in the ambiguous context of Toulouse and the ATE (Association Toulousaine d’Ecologie), I was «leaning towards vegetarianism», but it was the Faitg which finally made me take a strict commitment, invoking compassion for animals. Well, I had already decided to stop eating fish, but that was because of the stench: having to wash the pans afterward, while thinking we had the same thing in our stomach.

While the vegetarian movement in Europe dates back to the beginning of the 20th century, it remained very much a minority, and generally considered an insignificant option, even a fad. Even the awakening of ecology and of organic farming in the 1970s and 80s did not really changed this state of affairs, we are to see why.

The first significant organization to actively promote vegetarianism in France was «La Vie Claire» in 1946, with the first network of organic and vegetarian stores launched in 1948. This proximity to the war perhaps explains why, in the 1970s, some considered La Vie Claire to be «pétainist». Yet even the wikipedia page provides no information on this subject (they would not have missed such an opportunity to denigrate the vegetarians!). The reason for this reputation seems to be solely one of those sweeping statements made by Isabelle Cabu, director of «La Gueule Ouverte», very loosely based on the date the founder started his magazine: 1946. We can imagine that he had already expressed his views in the media during the war, but that was not making of him a pétainist. (Curiously, the nazis, and later franco's regime, did not persecuted vegetarians or naturists, even sometimes encouraging them. But this cannot be held against these movements, which in any case severed all ties with these ideologies after the war.)

From 1948 to 1975, organic farming was promoted by only a small number of associations: Nature et Progrès, Lemaire et Boucher, Macrobiotics, La Vie Claire, etc. Only the latter offered a practical access for everybody (and even then, its prices were at least twice as high as conventionally grown products). But for everybody, organic and vegetarian were, in a way, the same thing: the same effort toward healthy eating, the same guiding principle stemming from the pre-war naturists: eliminating pesticides and meat, for the same health and hygiene goals.

The years 1975-80 saw the nascent ecology movement actively supporting organic food, which at the time was still considered a form of health-conscious vegetarianism: people did not eat much meat because it was bad for their health. Of course, there were strict vegetarians, motivated by compassion, but they were already being labeled «sectarian». I love people who pretend to pursue a purpose, but who fight against the ones who actually do something for the said purpose.

Around 1980, organic food was still relatively inaccessible, as it was expensive, looked down upon, and poorly distributed. But it was still primarily vegetarian. The shift began with the acquisition of La Vie Claire by Bernard Tapie, a charismatic businessman who «relaxed» the rules regarding meat. This was the punk decade, the arrival at adult age of the tetraethyl lead generation, a decade of shouting without thinking. Thus, around 1990, with the appearance of the first organic stores catering to the general public, the separation between organic and vegetarian was complete, with all those stores cynically offering «organic meat» and even «organic wine». There were several reasons for this perversion of organic food:

🐖Lobbying by the animal suffering industry, which heavily influenced organic specifications with numerous «exemptions» for meat (to the point where we wonder to which extent meat labeled organic actually is). Indeed, if the expansion of vegetarianism had followed the one of organic farming, it would have posed an existential threat to the animal suffering industry. Thus they had to repress vegetarianism! But they were smarter than the nuclear lobby, taking control of the movement from within, instead of confronting it head-on. They influenced people through numerous channels, one very visible being a free magazine like «Bio Contact», financed by advertising (ho hoo). So it was already the same scam as for infiltrating the internet: overpriced ads to hide the origin of the antisocial discourse! These people made indignant shouts «fundamentalist» when a letter from the readers mentioned vegetarianism. They were also the ones who introduced all the snake oil powders, useless cosmetics, energy balancers, and other trinkets that are still piling high in organic stores today. But they used other channels targeting the general public, denigrating vegetarianism from the outside, with accusations of sectarianism in the media, fake news of vegetarian children dying of starvation in the populist press, TV films where the villains are the anti-vivisectionists, and so on.

🤪The materialism of ecology activists. How a spiritual naturist movement could become an atheistic and materialist ecology movement is somewhat of a mystery, but I think it can be traced to several instances of infiltration: the kind we saw with the anti-nuclear movement (a failed marxist infiltration, but very effective at distorting the movement's objectives), the animal suffering lobby (sadomasochistic capitalists), the «mouvement marginal» (Marxists infiltration monkeying the Hippies), the deleterious influence of La Gueule Ouverte and Charlie Hebdo (fundamentalist atheists), the massive infiltration by the Socialist Party (libertine, materialist, bourgeois bohemians) after Ecologie 78, and probably others. Since the main motivation for vegetarianism is not dietary, but spiritual (compassion), all these people completely missed the true meaning of organic. They even deliberately went against spirituality! Thus, unlike the nuclear lobby, these infiltration succeeded in subverting the organic vegetarian movement from within, essentially by discouraging people: organized disputes (like those I saw at the ATE), hostile remarks like «it must not be mystical», accusations of «sectarianism» or «intolerance», dogmatic materialistic assertions, for example against the NDEs, and good old-fashioned expulsions, like the Salon Marjolaine which «kicked out the gurus» (as they said) in the 1980s. I also remember a Bio Contact classified from an organic company in the 1990s, specifying «gurus abstain». So we were really far from the «toleraaaaance» that all these people so loudly boasted.

🙄We curiously find the same underhanded tactics in the New Age movement around the same time (the 1980s), for example, in Findhorn, where «the vegetarions could not stabilise their vision» (understand: they were stalked until they left). For the New Age, the reason is clearly the spiritual materialism so prevalent in this movement, particularly the perverse notions that we could «be spiritual» without making any effort or engaging in ascetics, without changing anything in our lives or opinions, just in taking side. They therefore needed to discourage genuinely spiritual people, whom they also labeled «fundamentalists»! Other more aggressive fallacies were also widespread in the New Age, such as the idea that we could «transmute» animal suffering, or even make of slaughter... «an initiation»! 🤔 When we are to the point of resorting to such mountain sized bullshit, it is worse than spiritual materialism, I would call it... spiritual marxism: using spirituality to create an anti-societal dualism, and to feel superior while refusing to truly change oneself. The very idea of a «New» Age (or New Era, as it was also called around 1980, or Aquarius age, in the 1970) would then be a simple carbon copy of the marxist revolution «in the spiritual», brandishing exactly the same «destruction of the irredeemably rotten old society». With quite similar results... just in ten years instead of a century, lol. Finally, the New Age was more efficient than the Soviets.

It is then understandable, that amidst this maelstrom of unhealthy ferment, our position at the Faitg looked stable, and above all, clear. To the point that vegetarianism seemed to us a «touchstone» indicating the sincerity of a given spiritual or social movement. And there were very few of us! The problem with the Faitg, however, was that this situation also allowed Viviane to cultivate an anti-society dualism, coupled with a sense of superiority over all the other spiritual or social movements. She also used dehumanizing vocabulary towards non-vegetarians: «dinosaurs», «corpse eaters», and so on. This was the heart of the Faitg's problem, which I only understood later: «We are the only ones who know the truth, everyone else is rotten!» It is clear that they could not go very far with that. And today, they are still the only ones to be right. Less me.

It was also the era of labels, the organic label of course, but also the «six fingers of the hand» of the Réseaux Espérance, and probably others. To add a bit more sincerity, I myself proposed a «Label Fleur» (The beautiful flower, waf waf), which would have rated several criteria, one per petal, including spirituality and vegetarianism (today I would add science, painfully absent from all the social alternatives). This is why I was working on a Minitel server, to create a directory of alternative groups. Of course, Viviane «approved» this initiative, while simultaneously placing considerable obstacles on its way (such as having to build the premises!! Yet there was no shortage of unused rooms at the Faitg...). Ultimately, my departure from the Faitg in 1990 abruptly ended this project. It only came back to life with the internet in 1998, and my «Resources for a Better World» section on my website shedrupling.org. And even then, positive websites have become so numerous since then, the number of entries has multiplied so much so that my directory now only represents a very tiny fraction of them. Maintaining and organizing it would require considerable work, far exceeding my capabilities. In any case, I have not kept the «Faitgist» idea of a label, contenting myself with listing the best in each category.

Technically, during my time at the Faitg, we were vegetarian, not vegan. I do not know how Viviane accepted this departure from her own principles, but at least back then, vegetarianism was something people knew how to do, whereas veganism had a reputation for being dangerous. In fact, our only source of protein was essentially whole-wheat bread, and some other things like buckwheat and legumes. This is rather insufficient, and we sometimes rushed on dairy products. Today, it is recommended to add protein-rich foods instead: soy, seitan, etc. Not to mention omega fatty acids, which we were seriously lacking, to the point that we can wonder if this may be the main cause of the personality disorders in people from the Faitg group and other similar groups (omega fatty acids contribute to the myelin sheaths of neuronal axons).

More info on my page on how to become vegan.

Why was veganism considered difficult or dangerous? I do not remember hearing any clear reason at the time, just that I would have been quite unable to live without cheese. In fact, at the time, it was not known, but it was mainly due to a lack of vitamin B12 and certain fatty acids like omega. So, all four of us ate cheese, as well as eggs, as long as I can remember. It was not until the 2010s that I discovered vegan butter with omega fatty acids, and then vitamin B12. Actually, I was late to the party, as the pharmaceutical information leaflet for B12 explains that it should be prescribed to vegans. I do not know for how long this knowledge has existed, but this time it was «the society» which was ahead of «the alternatives»! And ultimately, it is much better this way. The «paradox», then, is that organic stores, held hostage by the lobby of animal suffering and rotten with rejection of science, are careful not to spread this knowledge! They even muddy the waters with the «debated» idea of «plant-based B12» (This is at the origin of the fad on spirulina). Which is quite useless, as the B12 is prepared by fermentation! That is, it is already plant-based, and it can be organic, if the ingredients are. In my case, in 2018 the B12, the kind from the pharmacy, of course, cured my craving for cheese in just some weeks, so that I was able to stop eating it effortlessly. As for eggs, I was forced to abandon them even sooner, as they had become disgusting! The only thing I miss a bit is the Roquefort, lol, for the taste. But we can find plant-based versions now!

However, it was in the 1990s that the people in the Faitg became vegan, without any mention of B12 or omega3. Under these circumstances, I think this decision stemmed more from a desire for self-assertion, or even a form of health blackmail or a denial of the risks, to the point of harming their own bodies. And harming my children, who were still there (against my will). Bu with the sexism of the justice, there was nothing I could do, except to make up for their lack of proper nutrition during the holidays, when they were allowed to visit me.

The Faitg was also anti-speciesist before the word existed, rejecting leather, feathers, etc. This also contributed to making of it something unique at the time. I even remember painting with synthetic hair brushes. It works, except that with acrylic paint, these brushes fray quite quickly. I hope other solutions have been found since.

Today, with the same manipulations and lies repeating themselves at a rate of 20 years, it is veganism which is considered «extremist» or dangerous. Why? A convenient pretext is the activists carrying out non-violent actions against slaughterhouses, torture centers, concentration camps, and so on. There is an all time record of hypocrisy in these accusations of «violence» by people with blood and excrement dripping off their hands. Let them sort it out themselves, and they should not expect me to criticize the actions of vegan activists, who have often helped to put images on «abstract» concepts like vivisection or concentration camps for animals.

What only retains me from joining these activists is that I prefer not to attack people, contenting myself with informing and «bearing witness» (in the evangelical sense). In fact, I have gradually come to understand that even an action as discreet as meditating in some retired place is ultimately more effective than irritating people. Which is what I do.

The New Age

(Permalink) Written in August 2022

The New Age is a spiritual movement which flourished primarily in the 1980s, with both precursors and some lasting sequels. Initially, around 1980, it was also referred to as the «New Era». In the 1970’s it was «the age of Aquarius».

Broadly speaking, its origins can be traced back to Elena Blavatsky in the 1920s. However, even if she had not existed, others would have played a similar role, such as Baird Spalding. Her «contribution» was to create her own blend of different beliefs and spiritualities, thus introducing the idea that everyone could craft their own spirituality, instead of relying on a prophet or guru, all of whom were indiscriminately accused of bigotry. This is the basic idea of the New Age, and what describes it the best. In our era which values individual autonomy, the idea seemed appealing. However, it was primarily a terrible trap for the ego, as we shall see.

The rise of the New Age movement in the 1980s resulted primarily from two factors:

🐊The spiritual evolution of Mankind, which led more and more people to take an interest in this field. This evolution, being an inevitable spiritual phenomenon, is not dependent on sociological or similar factors. Just before, in the 1970s, people had become interested in cults, which had deceived many. It was the rejection of cults which propelled the New Age movement against organizations, masters, gurus, traditional religions, and so on.

🐕The New Age arrived at a very bad time, the 1980s, with its poop radios, its satanic music, the emergence of tags, fascist hair cuts, AIDS, fascist gangs in districts, plus massive media censorship of everything that was happening in the real world. These hostile conditions shaped the New Age, exacerbating its «anti-society dualism» or confining it into a ghetto of people labeled strange and dangerous.

It is difficult to say whether the New Age was «good» or «bad» Let us just say it had very positive aspects, but also serious flaws, which were not understood at the time, due to the lack of authentic spiritual teachings. Teachings that it precisely rejected as «constraining». Despite these flaws, the New Age remains a cherished memory for all those who experienced it.

🐩Positive: All spiritual renewal is positive.

🐩Positive: People no longer accepted the «beliefs», dogmas, or temporal authority of the established religions.

🐗Positive: Freedom for everybody to choose their own path and practices.

However, the downsides of these advantages quickly appeared:

🙃Negative: The utter nonsense inherited from the cults: «everybody has his own truth», «fundamentalist» vegetarianism, no effort, no asceticism, disguising the killing of an animal as an «initiation», collecting multiple idiotic beliefs such as astrology, numerology, the waves of this or that...

😜Negative: Individual freedom and self-affirmation without purpose or genuine spiritual practice hardens the ego instead of liberating us from this ego. This is particularly dangerous in the case of «personal development» without compassion or self-control.

🤭Negative: Anti-society dualism, which would lead some groups down to dangerous paths: denial of medicine, conspirationism, far right.

🐭But we were most impressed by the artistic creations of the New Age, particularly in music and painting. Far better than the Impressionists, they understood the powerful positive vibration of pure colors, harmonized in pastels. A style now denigrated under the name «Unicorn Art» (a reference to the almost obligatory presence of these mystical/mythical animals in all the New Age paintings and films). I myself succumbed to it, but in my own iconoclastic way, lol.

I said earlier that these waves of spirituality are not governed by the society which receives them, because they have a purely spiritual origin. However, this society frequently causes them to degenerate, which then requires to immediately sever off their energy, to avoid ending up with a new fundamentalist power. I think that for the New Age, the energy was cut off around 1990, even though the movement continued for a while, albeit in decline. Actually, I don't know, from this moment on, I quite simply no more heard anything about the New Age. I was struggling to get my children out of the Faitg, and on top of that, I was working at EREMS. It must be said that, with the mistreatment of children and one year of pedophilia, they had gone really far. Such a disoriented milieu absolutely had to be shut down. And above all, it had to stop having a monopoly on speaking in the name of spirituality.

(It is interesting to compare with the degeneration of Christianism. The Acts of the Apostles, written around 40 AD by Saint Paul upon his arrival in Rome, indicates that the Apostles continued to manifest lights and miracles immediately after the assassination of Jesus. However, there is no further mention of this, indicating that Christianity quickly became an ordinary religion, just more positive than the others. Around 60 AD, the first persecutions (Those of 666 nero) were «justified» by the intransigent attitude of the new Christians, in a Rome which was nonetheless very tolerant in matters of religion. These intolerant pronouncements began to leave historical traces around 100 AD, with the writings of «Saint» Irenaeus, who castigated the Gnostics without showing any understanding of their doctrine (which is thus lost). The Catholic «New Age» emerged in the fourth century, when the Roman bourgeoisie seized Christianity: the commandment to practice charity, equality, and fraternity in concrete terms was reduced to a mere obligation of rituals, which they believed allowed them to redeem their misdeeds, as with paying off a debt. And they did things like forbidding the «pagan» Olympic Games, but not removing slavery, that they just replaced with serfdom. All schemes so comically foreshadowing the modern New Age, hence my qualification).

In fact, this end of the New Age saw the rise of authentic spiritualities, notably Tibetan Buddhism, providing a set of genuine spiritual motivations and efficient tools to heal our neuroses and master our ego. It is a whole other level, that those who truly understood have reached.

Yes, spirituality is like video games: we gain spiritual levels and acquire abilities, ha ha ha! But we do not have our score displayed above our head. Even the saints I have met showed no halos. We recognize them by their kindness, and by the fact that their explanations bring energy instead of obtruding.

The New Age movement resurfaced in the media, twenty years late, in the 2000s and 2010s. However, they were no longer talking about the real thing, but rather of a fictional, fantasizing image, as with the Bugarach affair: essentially, the media denounced «tens of thousands» of fanatics descending upon Bugarach, when in reality only one lunatic showed up. Upon closer examination, their count was that of the many tourists who were visiting the magnificent Bugarach mountain! It is strange to see the media denouncing imaginary dangers, while normalizing real cults like the scientology (attempted by the president Sarkozy) or the Moonies (which finance the national front extremists).

The silver age of the Faitg

(Permalink) Written in May 2019.

The situation deteriorated insidiously when disputes began to erupt. It always was Viviane who started it, over some seemingly trivial matter, but which would trigger a terrible rage. Or she would be utterly totally depressed, as if the farmhouse had collapsed. At first, Noisette drew closer to me, worried or frightened. I think it was at this point that Viviane began to take her apart and turn her against me. Not openly, of course, but just a hint of someone's «problems» is enough to discredit that person. In fact, Noisette, who until then had made the effort to remain cheerful, also let her own anger erupt, again without any apparent reason. Simply, like Viviane, she would suddenly become hostile, even not sleeping with me. Then, some days later, without any further explanation, she would be perfectly nice again. If you see this kind of behavior, run, and above all, stop all sexual contacts: the person has absolutely no control over her emotions, and everything can fall apart at any moment. Or worse, this person might be a proxy, or a sycophant, secretly controlled by someone else who is actively trying to destroy you, without revealing himself, and who can pursue his plans for years.

Today we would say that the sociopath was using Noisette as a proxy, or that she was «triangulating» me: when a sociopath is against you, he often do not say anything directly, so as not to reveal himself. But he gives false negative information to your friends, who then abandon you, or even become openly hostile. These turned friends are said to be proxies, or that the sociopath is triangulating you (triangulating relationship). If you suddenly see friends become indifferent or turn against you, for no apparent reason, there is a good chance someone is using them as proxies against you. A specialist in this was Guy Claude Burger, who told all your friends that you were converted to his sect, the hilarious «instinctotherapy». I must have lost several epoch friends that way.

Noisette's complete emotional naivety and her blatant lack of introspection, like a five-year-old, made her an excellent plaything, which Viviane manipulated at will. I do not exonerate my ex-partner, however: I offered to help her several times, but she always refused. In fact, I suspect their collusion from the beginning, in the form of secret discussions. I am of the honest and straightforward type, incapable of suspecting such things. But later I had solid proof of this organized collusion. The only thing I do not know is when they went from intimate confidences to deliberate harassment.

Viviane also manoeuvered to isolate me from regular visitors, and I was rarely able to have an honest relationship with them. On the contrary, when I was talking to a visitor, she would quickly interrupt, centering the conversation on herself. If she could not, she would accuse me of being «talkative». In some cases, she insulted and chased visitors away, simply because they were talking to me. I think that in these situations, she understood they were not playing along, and so she dropped her mask of feigned kindness.

Sylvain also played a very trouble role, always managing to stay out of the way of Viviane's outbursts. When I first met Sylvain, he seemed reserved, but within normal limits. Then one day, as we were starting to work together, he suddenly disappeared without explanation. A few minutes later, Viviane showed up to explain that Sylvain was «blocked». In fact, Sylvain was followed by a psychiatrist, who had even arranged for him a lifetime disability pension! However, having known him well, I think his problem was not psychiatric at all, but rather something commonly known as laziness. And the only known treatment is a good kick in the pants. Which Viviane more or less did. But working with such slackers was not easy, and I often found myself alone on the construction site.

I think Viviane and Sylvain had a kind of dominant/submissive relationship, BDSM-style but for real, not as a sexual game. For her, Sylvain was a good toy, who placed her ego in the position of an indispensable «mother». In any case, he is the only man she tolerated near her for so long. I even saw them once in a bed together, although I doubt they ever had sex. When you will see what happened next, you will understand that Sylvain must have had something unmanly about him, for her to have tolerated him all that time. Apparently, he too benefited from this renunciation of a truly autonomous personality, which relieved him of the need to decide for himself or to make any effort. Although he also knew how to get what he wanted without saying so. He had manipulated a psychiatrist, after all. It is frightening, when we think about it.

Regarding work, and despite the dotted line assistance, I left quite a mark on the Faitg: repairing several roofs, wainscotting ceilings, renovating several rooms, installing water and electricity, cementing several floors, and then, after 1985, making a large room in the barn, with two concrete slabs. Plus the garden almost every day, taking turns cooking, my electronics projects, painting, the «Eolis» novels, the Faitg newsletter, etc. So that you won't be surprised that I now feel I was exploited. First, the old barracks are a huge source of work: nothing is ever right, there is always something to redo, to renovate, etc. Second, all of this has been to the detriment of my real activities: my electronics projects, which have practically stalled, and especially my artistic paintings depicting a better world. Viviane encouraged me to paint with one hand, but with the other hand there were always urgent tasks to be done first, like the time I had to paint an entire picture and build a chicken coop for her hens in the same week. I still did it, but I needed a week of rest afterward.

My dreams quickly evolved. I remember a wonderful house, all in greenery and mauve flowers, floating far above a menacing, polluted town. But when I tried to enter, the floor gave way: it was a fake house. Similar dreams recurred several times, followed by others which were frankly unpleasant: still houses, but this time with staircases leading down to dark cellars where unsettling horrors lurked. At the time, I was not really understanding why these dreams, but in retrospect, the meaning now seems obvious: the house was the Faitg's factitious ideal, lacking substance, and the hidden horror represented Viviane's problems, which I could not see but which influence polluted the entire atmosphere. Another dream was even more striking: I was climbing a spiral staircase, like those in the dungeons of old castles. But the higher I climbed, the narrower and dirtier it became, until it quickly turned into a dead end, even a danger. This clearly resembles the Faitg's spirituality, which seemed to ascend, but led only to dead ends or disappointments.

I give these indications, which may be helpful: if you have similar dreams, consider checking whether you are the victim of malicious acts such as collusion against you, triangulation (people being used against you), and especially a false ideal, a false spirituality, a false love, or simply a bait trying to exploit you in one way or another. Often we are unaware of these things because we do not imagine they are possible. The very visible signs are then assimilated subliminally, producing such dreams. Other dreams typical of emotional manipulation include waves rising against all logic to engulf us, tornadoes, dark or even scaly clouds, raging rivers, and so on. Pay close attention to these dreams, which seem to indicate extreme situations: someone is playing with your feelings, and even enjoys making you suffer. Things can escalate to suicide, let's not forget that I saw four at the Faitg. Other disturbing dreams are like dark water at the bottom of an abyss. I have not yet grasped their meaning, but they might refer to other serious problems, perhaps even conspiracy against you. But please do not fall in paranoia: check things out before accusing anyone.

At this point, however, we had simply stumbled into the ordinary squabbles of a non-psychoeducated group. Things were bound to go much further. But there is a whole host of other things to categorize first:

The fauna of the anti-society people.

(Permalink) Written in June 2019.

It was already clear to me at that time that trying to live outside the system was not an escape from it, but a responsible way of showing that things could be better. I wanted to propose a pioneering model. Which implied a genuine effort to behave better. However, I had clearly seen, in all my community and self-management experiences, that most people claiming to live outside of the system seemed motivated precisely with avoiding that very effort. Thus, to do so, they needed to blame the society for their failures. Their attempts then became an utter chaos, often worse than the surrounding society, due to their rejection of all norms and rules. And these vagrancies sometimes went very far.

Thus, the Faitg was not the only community group in the area, made up of people rejecting society to live in nature. We knew several other groups, most often just families. Curiously, most of them, like us, had four members, often in two generations. We shall see four groups of this kind (five with us), which shared another common characteristic: all were led by an abusive woman, while claiming to be egalitarian.

We were on good terms with them, and they seemed nice. However, I must say that, in retrospect, many aspects now seem strange, even disturbing: protecting oneself from society certainly has advantages, but rejecting it completely has very clear drawbacks, especially concerning children. Children need contacts outside the family, otherwise they risk remaining intellectually or socially impaired.

The conclusion is therefore clear and unequivocal: the right approach is a non-duality between protecting oneself from society, and not rejecting it. Maintaining contact is necessary in any case, if we want to help society to progress. Especially now that it is moving forward, remaining on the margins has become inexcusable.

The most pathological case was a young lady in a family of four: her two parents, herself, and her brother. I had a premonitory dream about her the night before I met her. Observing several parapsychological phenomena of this kind was one of the elements which lent credibility to the Faitg project, and thus contributed to my staying despite the increasingly obvious problems. This young woman's mother had warned us that she had a psychological problem. But the dream (detailed enough for me to recognize her when I met her) said something else: she was naturally seeking a companion. One she would never find, within the narrow confines of a family living in seclusion, in total rejection of the outside world. And she was suffering from it. And this is exactly what happened: seeing me, she naturally wanted me. Then she started crying when she saw that I was already with Noisette. Her mother then began encouraging her: «Resist», «Be strong», etc. This scene seemed logical, if we accepted that, as the mother told us, this young lady was experiencing some kind of psychological crisis. But the reality was simpler, and so perverse that I only dared to understand it much later: this mother was smothering her daughter, considered her feelings as «a problem»!!! A bonsai child, whose mother cut off all the buds as they grew, to prevent her from becoming an adult!! To keep her little toy baby! Thus she had grown up without any education, practically an idiot, denied the most basic right to have desires and feelings! Despite their «advanced ideal», she was exactly like the victims of the DDASS. The beauty of an eco-conscious aspiration actually concealed a terrible sadism, worthy of a horror film.

Another group were a former scout patrol and our immediate neighbors. They had decided to continue their adult lives together, even continuing to call each other by their totem names. Four of them, one woman and three men. I never knew what they did or did not in bed, just that one of the men was officially the woman's husband. This woman, Claire Tessier, was undoubtedly a severe sociopath, exuberant and aggressive. The first time she came to the Faitg, she insulted me like I was rotten fish, claiming I had not greeted her (I was in the workshop and she was in the courtyard). All our interactions were in this style, under her furious gaze, with Viviane trying to «teach me how to live in society», as if the problem was with me. Even Viviane eventually distanced herself from this pathological group. Especially after Claire harassed and humiliated Sanglier (Boar) so much that he committed suicide. Two, then. And it is not over yet. Claiming to be an alternative society under these conditions, it is a grand farce.

There also was a couple, the woman being a witch. Yes, yes, yes, a real one. She showed us her witchcraft books, she performed rituals and everything. Funny like Molly Weasley in Harry Potter? Not really. Judge by yourself: like the Faitg, she received interested visitors. One day, while a young lady was working in the garden, she was thoroughly sprayed with tear gas, to the point of having to be hospitalized. Our witch blamed a neighbor for the incident, with whom she had been feuding for years. She said this neighbor had cast a spell on her, no less. It was through the gendarmes that one day I learned the truth: this woman, a witch (I made sure to inform the gendarmes of this, with the books and everything), had installed a complex anti-theft system in her garden, because she thought the aforementioned neighbor was coming to steal from her. Then she had... forgotten about the system, letting a visitor work there without informing her of its presence. You will understand, then, why I never bought into the Harry Potter stories: I know what witches really are like.

(Added July 2026) There was another family of four, perfectly ordinary people, but apparently some still did not liked that, and they played a nasty trick on them. The family consisted of the parents, their son, and the son's fiancée. they lived in the plain near Argelès. One evening, as the young couple was walking along the road, a drunk driver plowed into them with his car. The young woman was injured and taken to the hospital. There, they... accused her fiancé of having raped her! It took some time to unravel what had actually happened. The vehicle was a luxury car with a hood ornament. It was that thing which had snagged the young woman between her legs. So, no rape, but there really are people who are quick to turn a suspicion into a conviction! As for the hood ornament, such things are actually prohibited in France. And indeed, without it, there would have been no injury. But the drunk driver was a fop, son of a rich local, and the victims were quickly dissuaded from pressing charges «to avoid a scandal». I never knew whether they did it or not, neither what lasting effects the young woman might have suffered.

(Added February 2022) We were surveyed twice. Why to mention it in this section? Because the story is funny. Out of civic mind, we made sure to answer both times. But the first time, to the question «what is your occupation?», we answered «pioneers of the New Era», because it was what we were actually doing, and it was high time we light up the wit of these people. There was no challenge in it, it was simply (at least in my mind) our service to society, which we thought was in a process of rapid change. But apparently, they did not liked it, as in the second time, the same question came with an insistent explanation, along the lines of: «please be careful to restrict your answer to only your legal status, employment, company position, etc., excluding anything else.» Phew! Well, this time I put «job seeker», and they were happy. But then, is it any wonder that so many government agencies are lost, disconnected from society?

The «instinctotherapy»

The worst and most complex affair involved Guy Claude Burger and his unspeakable instinctotherapy. Yes, «him», I had to carry on «that guy». Yet back then, we ignored he was a pedophile (but his followers already knew it very well; I heard them mention several times the book where he advertised it, saying we should not read it).

The affair had started well: new neighbors had moved in just on the hill opposite Serralongue, four of them (again), a couple with two children. They had quickly built a solar house out of aerated concrete blocks, a greenhouse with heat storage for growing seedlings, and a large organic apricot orchard. Ecologists, real ones, practicing ones. I liked that guy, an energetic and friendly bearded fellow. We helped them out, I had welded some brackets for his garage door. It was interesting to see a network of support and mutual aid gradually forming, and to see eco-friendly ideas spreading.

(The events in this sub-chapter took place over several years, so this is not in chronological order.)

Things started to smell the corpse in the closet, literally, when they converted to instinctotherapy.

At the time, we considered instinctotherapy a deliberate sabotage of organic, eco-friendly or vegetarian ideals, offering a completely bogus system, but which «forced» people to eat meat. A simplistic and seductive system, but grossly false, which seemed to us to be designed specifically for this purpose: to break and disrupt ecology, communities, and vegetarians. Banning an indispensible food like wheat is typical of this kind of manipulation, and we see it again today in the gluten-free scam (the goal of these scams being to make vegetarianism more difficult, and they are most likely orchestrated by the meat lobby, which infiltrated the organic food sector in the 1990s). For proof, the support that instinctotherapy enjoyed in the media and with some «intellectuals». Today, I think Burger was simply a mythomaniac, and that his followers, like many others, confused ecology with rejection of science or rejection of society.

These people had a recruitment system unique among all the cults: they told you that your friends had just converted. This gave a feeling of a meteoric rise in their movement. But above all, if you did not converted, you were rejecting your own friends! And they rejected you too, having been served the same lie about you. This is how they broke people even outside of their cult! A sociopathic tactic, called triangulation. I must have lost that way all my few friends from that time. Of all the cults, I think it is the one which did the most damage, per infected person (thankfully not many).

I must say that, despite my criticism of the Faitg here, today even Viviane seems far less perverse to me than these people. Even the Faitg's biased spirituality protected us against this lame stuff.

Thus our organic farmers had attended a seminar with Burger. He was a very charismatic manipulator, and I remember my organic farmer recounting how he was seduced by the smell of mangoes (in an instincto meal). Burger then suggested, «It could be the fish», and our man... obeyed! Choosing the fish (raw!!!) instead of the mango that yet his «instinct» had indicated!! We clearly had a case of sadomasochistic submission to a painful authority (In addition to being disgusting, eating raw fish is dangerous: we can get worms, which can badly affect the general health and resilience).

We, of course, stopped associating with these people. This energetic man became weak and lifeless; even his voice broke. His severely deficient diet had left him defenseless against his ideological conditioning, to the point of altering his way of being.

Later, when our own children went to the school in Serralongue, arose the problem of the school cafeteria. Noisette (alone, we were already separated) had requested a vegetarian canteen, but she passed right after the Instinctos, who had just asked for... gamey raw meat from the said canteen! The Serralongue town hall obviously refused. But this then placed them under a moral obligation to also refuse the vegetarian canteen. (It is for reasons like this that I consider instinctotherapy as being deliberately anti-vegetarian.) Rumor had it that upon entering the eco-friendly aerated concrete block house, we were greeted by the pestilence of large blocks of meat, ostentatiously left to age right in the entrance!

The affair ended with our organic farmers abandoning their crops, selling their land, and... giving the money to the sect, which allowed them to buy a center, the Château de Montramé. If you did not know, this château was therefore acquired with the help of this scam. Which cost an organic farm and an abandoned, dead apricot orchard. (The new owners took care of the house, but they were not farmers, and by the time they arrived, it was already too late for the orchard.)

Since then, Burger has been convicted once for practicing medicine without a license and twice for aggravated pedophilia, totaling 22 years in prison! He was recently released (2017 or 2018), and apparently, he still had not learned his lesson: he entered Quora (where I reported him), and he created a new website, where he laments being «censored»: he claims that having sex with young children gives him... extrasensory perceptions!! Fan de chichourle, it is strong stuff, his weed.

So this story is probably not over. I just hope I shall not again be the one who will have to take him down again.

Claudette Combes and the Children of Joy

(Claudette Combes et les enfants de la Joie) (Be careful not to confuse Claudette Combes with other people with similar names, notably the astrophysicist Françoise Combe.) It was a charming little book by a couple who adopted orphaned children into a country house in the Morvan region, complete with dormer windows on the roof. They offered them the support of a family, something they lacked in the cruel institutions where orphans are sequestered and scotomised, with the purpose of raising them idiot and emotionally maladjusted. We had no direct contact with these people, but Viviane often compared herself to them, a detail which importance will become clear later.

Many people know about the affair only through the wonderful initial book, «Children of Joy», («les enfants de la joie»), an initiative that was beyond any reproach. However, this book had sequels, and they were much less nice. Spoiler alert!

The problems began when the A family, as they were known, started taking in drug-addicted or pre-delinquent teenagers in a larger house. This predatory fauna (which I knew very well through the Foyer Saint Jean and my experience with the zonards in Toulouse) had very different «needs» from the fragile orphans of the beginning. In short, they «had to» brutally harass the orphans, easy targets, and all the more appealing as they were loudly expressing their suffering. As a result, the orphans found themselves in a worse situation than in the institutions! Of course, there was an abuse report and legal action. But Claudette claimed she was being persecuted by the social services (which is quite plausible, given what they did to my own children). She placed all the blame on the person who reported the situation, whom she called «heavy cloud». But others regret that the DDASS did not monitored the case more closely, as there were reportedly instances of real abuse, some even described by Claudette herself in her books! (Personally, I say that exposing young children to drug addicts and predators is already a serious and well constituted mistreatment.)

Another move brought this unruly tribe to Cancale. At a pinch, not yet knowing the full story, I would have been interested, as an alternative to the Faitg, which I was already thinking of leaving at that point (though I was not going to go so far as to be «adopted»: I did not needed a mother, but a psychologically normal companion, in an equal to equal relationship between adults). But a visitor of the Faitg (a nice young guy, but I do not remember his name at all, sorry) who did the same reasoning, brought back discouraging news. He had stayed some days in Cancale with the A family, also planning to stay. But he had to flee abruptly, wrongly accused of something or other by one of the children, and Claudette Combes, furious, taking the child's side without any investigation. Yet it is well known that giving such a power to children is one of the best ways to break them.

Things were to go much further, the A family scattering in chaos and disputes, one of the children even starting training to be a... butcher! Another one was... beaten to death by her partner. This allowed Claudette Combes, now abandoned by everybody, including her husband, to claim to be a medium receiving telepathic messages from her deceased daughter. Death is quite convenient, isn't it? We can make a dead person say whatever we want, without them being able to deny it. Help, Saint Karl Popper!

A sad end to a beautiful story, but it is the kind of thing which inevitably happens when we meddle with social or spiritual matters without making any attempt to address our own neuroses.

The connection with the Faitg? Viviane often compared herself to Claudette Combes, especially when she claimed to be persecuted. She had planned this well, years in advance! So, when I denounced the mistreatment of my own children, I was the one who was called «heavy cloud» and presented to visitors as a traitor who had «inexplicably» become hostile to the ideals of the Faitg. The few who tried to see things clearly at the time were quite surprised to find that «I was not a monster», lol.

But above all, as with the first A book, people who only knew Viviane from brief visits or her wonderful stories thought I was persecuting her, or that I was «getting revenge», or some other pretext to hide the truth from themselves. Yet it is a very common fact that groups of all kinds present a positive image of themselves while hiding their sordid reality in basements or laundry rooms. Precisely where my early dreams showed hidden horrors...

The moral of the story, then, is never to take accusations of persecution at face value. Always look at both sides of the story. In my case, I was simply paying for this mistake I had made some years earlier, at the beginning of the Faitg. Today, before signing an online petition on Change.org or Avast, make sure it is not a personal revenge. In any case, I no longer sign petitions targeting a single person.

The snakes pact

(Permalink) Written in May 2020.

I present here a series of small «materially inexplicable» events which occurred during my stay in the Faitg. We already witnessed similar things during my chaotic stay in Corsica: a kind of shamanic magic which operates as soon as we step outside of the concrete and rationalism. Shamans probably exist since 50,000 years or more. And with all this time, they would have created an egregore, which still exists wherever sufficient nature remains. Oh, not an elven egregore, but something much more down-to-earth, conceived by hunters who had to outwit nature, instead of dominating it by force. From this would come the imagery commonly associated with witchcraft, as presented in fairy tales like those of Grimm or Andersen (the Harry Potter films having merely plagiarized and distorted these sources). But somehow, this magic would still be effective, and even essential for living in nature.

So that we had heard about the «Pact of the Snakes» of the Native Americans. I do not know if the story is true, or if it just was one of those countless rumors which circulated in the New Age. Basically, the Native Americans respect the dangerous snakes in their land (rattlesnakes): when a Native American sees a snake, he thinks, «Brother Snake, I respect you, you respect me», and he leaves it alone. The story goes that Native Americans are never bitten, while cowboys, who exterminate rattlesnakes with their Colts, always are.

In any case, we did it, because we had vipers in our place (and other harmless snakes, like garter snakes and slow worms, which we also respected). I can say that it worked, because one year, a viper apparently had laid its eggs in the garden. In other words, we were confronted daily with baby vipers, not deadly, but still capable of causing quite a bit of pain. But no one was bitten. In fact, once, we were out visiting, and we all climbed over the same fence at the same spot. As the last person to cross, I saw a viper just centimetres from where we had all stepped! But the most amazing thing was when, before I passed my hand under a stone, I was suddenly alerted by a moment of superconsciousness that there was a viper there! Turning over the stone with a hoe, I saw that it was true.

There were other things like that, such as the time a visitor was approached by a crow who seemed to know him. It was intriguing, because this person had arrived by car, and the crow could not have followed him or known where he was going. This person presented himself as some kind of shaman, and under those circumstances, I am willing to believe he had something special.

I would, however, caution that shamanism today is far more often associated with dishonesty or danger than with any form of genuine spirituality. Furthermore, its vibration is very earthy, even dark and unappealing, as one might expect from hunters or herders who trap and kill animals. It is never far from witchcraft, and I suspect that some are genuinely capable of «casting spells» without provocation. If you encounter this kind of thing, take the following precautions:

🐙Do not trust so-called shamans or healers. And not even the real ones.

🐰Do not try to trick them.

🐭Protect yourself with a form of authentic spirituality, centered on compassion, beauty, and respect for others, including animals.

🐒Never use these things to do evil: the price to pay is very high.

🐟However, it is not forbidden to inject higher things into this egregore. Everyone would benefit of this.

The iron age, or why this failure in getting out of the Faitg (Summer 1985)

(Permalink) Written in March 2021

Of all the residents, I am most likely the one who stayed the longest. Like Milarepa with Marpa, I accepted increasingly difficult trials, hoping for a positive outcome which, in reality, could never come. 1985 was the year I should have left the Faitg. Things had reached a breaking point, where the discomfort and sadness of Viviane's harassment, Noisette's unprovoked outbursts, and Sylvain's deceitful silences had finally overcome my frantic attachment to their fake project. Viviane often asked for things, in this instance a model of a round house. Then she would criticize my efforts to realize her project, even going so far as to say it was «my» idea! A wave of spite greater than the previous ones (ill-calculated...) finally threw me out of the farmhouse in a hurry, on a day of biting wind which made the smoke from their chimney swirl like some demon. I walked to Serralongue, then hitchhiked, I don't remember the details of that horrible week, all the way to Toulouse, to my mother's house. She was the only person who could understand what was happening to me, and most importantly, she was the only one who could take me in: after those four years at the Faitg, «giving up personal possessions», my last savings had vanished since long.

1985 in Toulouse was not a great year: the Association Toulousaine d'Ecologie had folded, and the Lavaur Buddhist Center was not really up and running yet (it had existed since 1979, but its reputation had not been established, and it was even frowned upon in the New Age movement). So I had no friends, and no projects to get involved in. My mother lived behind the train station at the time, on Rue Saint Sylve, an ugly neighborhood of dark, lifeless streets.

Moreover, the groty-punk vibe of the 1980s had seriously poisoned the atmosphere, especially the music we heard on the radio or in supermarkets. We did not had the ZADA yet, but the media were already working to establish them. «Returning to the society» was therefore synonymous with finding a world of sadness, ugliness, and darkness, (like their music, at the height of the punk wave and trash radios) with no more any interesting project to be involved in. This certainly contributed to the severe depression that would afflict me, even if it was not the primary cause, as we shall see. The atmosphere was quite end of the world, with the failure of positive attempts and society sliding towards the satanic. And I knew that, even if I did everything possible to submit to them, they would never accept me.

The only spiritual opening was that at the time my mother was attending Mahikari, a small Japanese Shinto religion considered a cult in France, even though they did not really committed any bad deeds (by 1985 the definition of a cult had already become increasingly extensible). In fact, I quite liked their rituals, which created a strong meditative atmosphere, despite the din of a busy intersection on Rue de Périole just below the dojo. We managed to meditate despite the noise! The Japanese are certainly good at cultivating a collective consciousness. A bit too good, even: at a ceremony, I felt «caught», with the threat of sadness for not being in such a warm group! So I left and never set foot in their premises again. I had not left the Faitg just to fall into the exact same problem. Cult? As far as I can tell, no more than any other place where people give free rein to their egos. In fact, the disorders attributed to cults can occur in any group; only their religious or spiritual overtones make them a target for the wrath of fundamentalist atheists.

A curious aspect of Mahikari was their practice of «purification of the point 8»: a partner holds his palm facing a point on our forehead, between our eyebrows, while visualizing that they are «sending the Light». You would not expect such a seemingly innocuous exercise to produce such an intense discomfort, and even pain, to the point that some people would flee. In fact, it is not a new phenomenon: it is said that in Catholic monasteries, meditators felt a light touch in this spot, called «the finger of God», indicating that they were on the right path. Today, beginners in meditation still report this sensation of a finger brushing against their forehead, and I experienced it myself. But in the Mahikari practice, it was not the finger of God, but His hammer, accompanied by unflattering visions of our «impure» interior filled with excrement. So I quickly stopped this practice, for not knowing what it actually did. Mahikari explains this discomfort by «demons» possessing us, and whom the Light disturbs. I am not convinced. Indeed, the Phowa can also produce severe headaches, if done too often or too intensely. Personally, I had to give it up. The Light likely produces a dilation of the arteries (vasodilation), this can be observed in other parts of the body. This phenomenon is completely benign, except in the case of the brain, where it produces a rather pronounced headache (probably through the same vasodilation mechanism which creates the pain of migraine). Thus, the practice of the «point 8» would be the classical scam of the «purification technique» creating the very problem it is supposed to eliminate. Thereby keeping the disciples into guilt, forcing them to return to the temple, make more money offerings, and so on. As to the unflattering visions, they were probably sent by the «partner». Indeed, if we visualize the dirt to dissipate, then we maintain the said dirt, and even we increase it. This again defeats the very purpose of any purification practice. We must visualise only the good, never the bad.

Incidentally, the fact that the headache occurs when another person sends the Light has only parapsychological explanations. If you wanted a verifiable and reproducible proof, this one is free, immediate, organic, carbon-neutral, and infinitely renewable.

These circumstances made that I had no plans in Toulouse, no friends, no resources. The only possible course of action was to look for work, to regain my independence from my mother. But under these conditions, I was not really motivated, and the recruiters could sense it. I could not imagine spending my life working, all my time stolen, without being able to do anything for my project of a better world. Certainly, I would have had money and a place to live, but no purpose to dedicate them to, due to a lack of free time. Some television moralists might say I still had the evenings and weekends, but like Averell Dalton, those blokes never worked, so that they do not know what fatigue is...

But there was something more serious: when we are a beginner in spirituality, we do not know the pitfalls. One of these pitfalls is fake psychics. Psychics are one of those things we accept without question, when we discover spirituality, just as beginners in ecology are fobbed gluten-free diet and electric cars. Being wary of them is one of the things we learn in this «level», if we keep the comparison with video games.

«Fake psychic» is almost a pleonasm, since if there were real ones, they would not operate that way at all (making appointments with strangers for paid sessions). In fact, clairvoyance does actually exist, as we are to see. But it does not work like that at all. There must be no ego in the information path. So, we cannot do it on purpose, actually. Like Kador, the dog from the Bidochons (French comic), who levitates, but only when he is bored, thus dooming to failure any attempt to scientifically reproduce the phenomenon. I find this joke brilliant, because it perfectly illustrates how the ego keeps us in the realm of non-magic. In fact, the very idea of a person having «spiritual powers» is completely false: things happen, quite simply, spontaneously, when we stop trying to control everything, that we renounce any power precisely. (What some spiritual texts call the «dissolution of the self», not the end of our consciousness, but the end of the idea of a «self» controlling everything: the ego).

So, during my attempt to leave in 1985, I tried a «New Age center» (which at the time was either on Rue Gabriel Péri or Rue des Sept Troubadours, I do not know if it still exists), and I ran right into... «the Fox», a small-time crook from the gang of zonards who had squatted my apartment some years earlier! We had nicknamed him that way because he was thin, red-haired, and sly. Had he had a genuine spiritual revelation, or was he just squatting another movement? It is hard to know, but I am leaning towards the second explanation. The New Age, it is like wikipedia: the saint and the crackpot are given equal status, which immediately pushes the former out and gives exclusive power to the latter.

But, always open-minded before criticizing, I wanted to try the «channeling» they offered, which was the big, trendy UFO-contactees-New Age stuff at the time. It is supposed to be a form of mediumship, where a positive spiritual entity (an extraterrestrial, or an «ascended master» according to their terminology) communicates through a person, the «channel». Of course, you have to pay, and, as is typical of the New Age movement, the sessions are in groups (no privacy whatsoever). I (obviously) never understood how some people can so easily become channels, while everyone else picks up absolutely nothing. A young woman (the «channel», therefore) was answering questions with beautiful spiritual phrases, without any way to know if they were relevant to the person who asked. When my turn came, I expressed my disarray at my situation: I had absolutely no idea what to do or where to go, frantically hoping to find some welcoming group like the ones at the Faitg. Like the others, I received a beautiful phrase with no informative content. Well, I was still supposed to be addressing a high-level spiritual guide, someone with information about my development, or at least familiar with ongoing projects I could have joined (like the Institut Vajra Yogini, already active at the time, and a pertinent choice that this woman was supposed to know). So I asked for more specific information (where, with who). The «channel» then brushed me off with this response: «It is not your karma to know». I then understood that their channeling was a scam, that I would not find any help in such a fake group, and above all, no real friends. So I never went back.

However, I had not exhausted my desire to consult a psychic, who seemed the only one capable of dispelling the fog in which I was struggling, of not knowing what to do or where to go, hoping at the very least to find friends, and if possible, a worthy project to invest myself in. I already understood that most so-called psychics are liars, but I had no idea of what was going to happen.

So I consulted Isaac Rainier, a psychic we listened to on the radio at the Faitg, and who seemed truly effective at discerning hidden things and giving good advice. The best of the best. In fact, I never found that name online; it probably was a pseudonym, intended to conceal his real identity, and discarded once he was exposed.

I took the train to Agen to see him. When I arrived, I found an old suburban house emanating a strong vibration of sadness and despair. I thought this was common in old houses where people had suffered, even reached the depths of depression (in the Faitg, all the rooms Sylvain occupied were similarly polluted by his weak, sickly vibration). So I was not suspicious, but if you ever find yourself in such a situation, run away immediately, even if you had paid a deposit! A vibration strong enough to be perceived without any physical evidence indicates something very dangerous, as the continuation will show. Indeed, I later had the exact same feeling with a pseudo-osteopath who injured me and caused me months of suffering. I have since found another easily identifiable place where we feel such a powerful egregore of sadness and darkness: the old city of Sauveterre-de-Rouergue, near Rodez. Everything is contaminated, but especially the ground floors and hidden passageways, and I shudder to think of the cellars. In 750 years, these buildings must have witnessed immense suffering and depression, especially every room has seen somebody die from the great plague! To the point that I strongly advise against visiting. Yet all these places look cool and ecological... if we do not feel vibrations.

The interview with this so-called clairvoyant apparently unfolded much like with the «channel» mentioned above: pleasant phrases, but no informative content. So I asked for «the truth» (as if we needed to specify, with a clairvoyant). This scoundrel then adopted a knowing look, «Ah yes, the truth». But he was actually talking Newspeak, thinking that «the truth» was necessarily something bad! So he said: «What you want to do is impossible!» It was staggering, utterly destructive, leaving no way out. What I have seen since is that many fake psychics are actually sadists, and it is easy to check, with for example, Belline's book «Histoires extraordinaires d'un voyant» (I did not found the english translation): he recounts about twenty stories of his clients, all of whom share the common thread of being terribly heartbreaking, most often lovers separated following some misunderstanding, lost address, etc. The problem is that he offers no solutions, like providing the missing person's address, as one would expect from a psychic. Thus, this Isaac Rainier (real name unknown) simply sought to destroy me, hating my vision of a better world, without giving me any useful information as he was supposed to (the radio programs I had heard seemed to prove that he was capable of it, but they were most likely staged recordings).

In the end, his only advice was that I should «go to India», without giving me any specific address or even the name of a master or center. His only «vision» was probably imagining I would have been a Hippie, because I had long hair. But by 1985, the Hippies were long gone, and India, wary from this past, was hardly inclined to accept foreigners without any resources again. I would have ended up homeless, alone, penniless, and unable to return to France, a fate I imagine terrible.

Fortunately, I know that true clairvoyance exists, since I myself have had several very informative dreams (including one concerning precisely this story, see in some paragraphs). But I would be quite incapable of producing this at will, and certainly not in an appointment. As for getting paid, I would feel far too much like a low-level swindler.

So I left this guy, disappointed but nothing more, just as with the «channeling». It was only when I got back on the train to Toulouse, and we were passing through the suburbs of Agen, that I suddenly felt an enormous, black, and overwhelming sadness fall upon me, as if nothing made sense and God himself was condemning me (this is probably what some people who have had negative NDEs feel, and it is exactly the absolute and hopeless despair of the «umbral» in Chico Xavier's «Nosso Lar»). (I think that suicide in this case does not solve the problem at all; on the contrary, it exposes us naked to this incredible pain, while making the resolution much more difficult.)

This severe depression was a profound suffering throughout this 1985 summer, with even a slight relapse in 1990, barely alleviated by all the pretense I encountered there. I suppose it is a common feeling among those who have left a cult, that nothing makes sense anymore, that darkness triumphs. This can lead to suicide, especially if it is «ignored» by social workers, psychologists, and so on. Even my mother seemed not to have truly grasped the problem, and her encouragement to find work were like water off a duck's back: completely ineffective.

In fact, only the love of a true partner could have cured my depression at that time. But that would not have solved the main problem: my frantic attachment to an ideal. Ultimately, it was this attachment which kept me in this suffering, that held me so long in this hypocritical Faitg, and caused me to miss my escape in 1985. It was only after my final departure in 1990 that I discovered genuine spiritual teachings, advocating non-attachment and non-grasping, which alone could truly liberate me.

If you ever meet people claiming to help you leave a cult, make sure they actually offer non-attachment, plus the non-duality between ideal and reality. The others, all the others, are harmful cretins, fundamentalist atheists, or dangerous swindlers who will only seek to trap you in their Procrustean bed, to cut your ideals and your hair to the minuscule size of their own.

And no, I did not «go to India»! It could have been a plan, but at the time, stories were already circulating about the difficulty of living and integrating in that country, especially for young Westerners without money, hitchhiking... I would have been quite unwelcome. In fact, in India, very few ashrams are open to non-Hindus. I even saw a soldier with a rifle at the entrance of a temple in Katmandou, to ensure that the ban on tourists was strictly enforced. And if the Hippies were «well» received, it was in fake ashrams like Bhagwan's, or in «Western ashrams» like Auroville. But you cannot just show up like that in Auroville without any money: you have to pay in advance. So it is a game for the wealthy. And not without its problems, to the point that no authentic guru has agreed to replace Shri Aurobindo.

I think this attack by the self-proclaimed clairvoyant was the main reason for my return to the Faitg, at a time when, as we shall see later, I had already begun the process of regaining control of my life. Instead of helping me, this guy destroyed me. This is what must often happen with «deconditioning» workshops and all the misguided advice from social workers and psychologists hostile to spirituality, who only seek to «renormalize» us without any regard for our aspirations or even our suffering. Or even dangerous sects like the ADFI, in fact «spiritual scavengers» who only seek to ensnare us in their own. And when these people succeed in driving someone to suicide, they gleefully point the finger at «the sects»...

In fact, this outcome was quite predictable: people capable of lying without batting an eye about things as essential as our life orientation or our spirituality, know that they can do enormous harm. They are definitely among the worst bastards, SS-level in the mind. Besides, I suspect this guy had some real power, for example, he was connected to a dangerous egregore, like a religious fundamentalist one, or even a demonic one. This is quite consistent with the fact that the depression started abruptly, at a specific moment after our meeting, and not during. It is possible he performed some nasty ritual or dark demonic act at that time. So, letting your guard down or opening up to one of these blokes exposes you to such brutal spiritual attacks.

Yet I had been warned before entering his place... there had been a real clairvoyance involved in the end, ha ha ha ha! This is the reason why I think these things actually exist. Just that they do not let themselves being used by the first petty ego around.

Added August 2026: I think the whole affair reeks of the solidarity between sociopaths, as I always experienced it, starting with the Duruy school: Viviane using my emotions to keep her control, and the fake psychic intently ruining my resolve to escape her.

And if, despite these warnings, you still try consulting psychics, first test their abilities on innocuous topics, asking them about things you know but they cannot possibly know, before truly opening up to them. It will cost you a second session for the real questions... or rather just one, because most of the time they will fail this test.

Also, be wary that some are very skilled at extracting information beforehand. For example, another psychic I consulted later on my mother's advice called her back under the pretext of having to reschedule the appointment. I suppose they must have talked, because what this psychic told me corresponded exactly to what my mother thought and knew, without adding a single bit of information. If you consult a psychic, be careful that no one else finds out, and that they cannot contact anyone about you. In this case, the weak point was the phone, which only my mother could answer, while I was spending my days at the job center looking for work.

This depression was primarily a debilitating feeling, and this is what prevented me from truly looking for a job. Anyway the recruiters could feel that something was wrong.

But lacking genuine spiritual guidance, I struggled as best I could, without really knowing what to do. So I fell into another trap: trying to use tarot cards, divination cards, and so on. My mother was crazy about that kind of thing, which is to spirituality what scabs are to healthy skin: pure illusions which provide no information, and, above all, do not help to evolve at all. Consider this: in the tarot deck she used, one card was «Isis». The day I drew it, I received a rejection for a job at a company called «Isis»... it was hard to avoid the strong feeling that I had «received a sign» that job hunting was not for me! (Today I looked up online what this company is: medical supplies. Working there would at least have been useful for something, if not for my project). Signs and coincidences are another of the New Age-spiritism fads: As we shall see further, this actually exists, but it is much more explicit in real, with repetitions and details. Simply a coincidence in names or timing is not enough. Taking them seriously is like grasping at straws to avoid falling from a cliff. This is what I did with the Isis card, and I fell back.

What finally cured me of this depression is quite curious. The brutal dualism of the Faitg made me unable to meditate in the noise of the city, so I went to a meager patch of greenery below and to the east of my mother's neighborhood (the ring road was not there yet, and this place seems to no longer exist today). There I laid down in the grass and asked «whoever was up there» to take me, if my role in this world was over. Nothing happened, so I went back to my mother's house. But that very same night, I had the beginnings of an OBE, where I felt myself rising toward the sky... I then thought that my plan had worked! My memory does not recall anything further, if anything there was. But the next day I woke up normally in my body. Realizing I was still there, I took it as a kind of message from a reliable source, confirming that I still had things to accomplish. Was this strange experience real or an illusion? I never knew, but it is what ultimately helped me the most to heal from that terrible depression. I knew there was a way out, even if there was still a long way to go.

Years later, I saw the film «Nosso Lar» by Chico Xavier. The parallel is quite striking: the victims of the terrible umbral are evacuated the very moment they stop trying to control everything themselves, and they ask for help.

It was during this period that I also tried to visit the (so-called) contactees in Eliant, to no avail: their fantastic promises of extraterrestrial aid were nothing but lies. I also visited an «Abbey of Thélème» near Alès. Wasted effort here too, these people applied to the letter Rabelais's precept «do what you want», meaning nothing.

In short, being depressed did not made me inactive! At least I can say I did everything I could to find a solution, getting out, moving and meeting people, probably dozens of them. But apparently, the communities ideal of the 60s and 70s was well and truly dead, and the mutual help networks even not attempted. In any case, none seemed truly interested in helping someone in need, not even offering a little kindness or consideration.

It was when I returned from Alès that my mother finally told me she had arranged a three-month work contract with my father, at his company, «Société Landaise d'Equipement de Bureau», a store located at the time on Place Saint Roch in Mont-de-Marsan. I could hardly refuse this arrangement, which would make me more independent, at least for some months (In the end, family is still a great support).

The conditions were not ideal: I was staying with my father, a negative and withdrawn man, at our old property in the Boniort, which I found exactly as we had left it fifteen years earlier, with even our books still on the table! Add to that the roar of the trucks on the ring road built in the meantime... The place felt so dirty that I made myself a bed in the attic with... ferns, picked from the surrounding forest!

Luckily, the depression did not followed me to Mont-de-Marsan, and I found the city a bit more modern, even offering yoga classes. Had the people of Mont-de-Marsan changed? I found out by trying to get into a «prominent pub». I was greeted by a group of women who stared at me while bleating like goats. At this point, I left immediately, without even trying to understand. I love people who think that we see their hallucinations. If YouTube had existed back then, we would have seen videos «only in Mont-de-Marsan», like that weekly market in Place Saint Roch, where organic producers... were not allowed to advertise that they were organic! They still managed to find a way to get noticed: offering pattypan squash and Japanese pumpkin (potimarron), at the time an exclusivity of organic farming. Today (2023), Mont-de-Marsan is still known for being backward and pedaling the bike in reverse, by centralizing pro-hunting and pro-bullfighting demonstrations. It is a good thing Pierre Benoît is dead, otherwise, what would he have done to the people of Mont-de-Marsan. For my part, I simply suggest that the «Marsan» (the local terroir) become a bumpkins reservation, the «Marstan».

If we disregard these ridiculous inconveniences, those three months were not actually so unpleasant, with lunch at «the cafeteria» on Place Pancaut (Today «My Factory») accompanied by some good trendy music. I do not remember what I did with my free time, except that I walked a lot, for lack of other activities. In fact, I was bored, lacking any real contact with my father, who was always criticizing everything. It was impossible to discuss anything without him being against it!

I also tried to meditate, but, still infected by the dualism of the Faitg, I was disturbed by the noise, an attitude which stifles any true meditation. I tried the Madeleine Church or the Jean Rameau Park, quiet places in the city. These three months of work, and the subsequent unemployment, allowed me to save a bit of money and have a social security coverage. Which I did not refused: we never know, in case of trouble. The beginnings of the New Age movement had given a feeling of a «Great Evening» where everything would change: there would no longer be a need for social security, money, etc. I had even closed my bank account! All that to give birth to a minuscule Faitg which had betrayed all its visitors, without bringing any useful influence to society... I needed to be more careful.

Relapsing

(Permalink) Written in March 2021

In my mind, my departure from the Fiatg was final. But at that point, I still had not understood what had kept me there for so long, and made my flight so difficult. In more, sociopaths often pursue their prey. But we did not knew about sociopaths at the time, or the traps they can set. So what had to happen happened:

Shortly after returning to Toulouse to my mother's, I had a dream... Noisette invited me to come back to the Faitg... she even «offered me her body»... I just refused (in the dream) because «it was not possible».

It was only some days later that I received the letter from Viviane announced in the dream, inviting me to come back, and to «forget the disputes»!! I did not yet knew about sociopaths, nor their methods, in this case, «pardoning» their victims. I simply saw a way out of my suffering. An illusory way out, as we shall see.

So there was indeed a genuine clairvoyance in the dream, but I interpreted it as «a sign», that is to say, in reverse!

So I went back to the Faitg... without suspecting that it would be even worse than before, with in more my children as hostages.

This is how I relapsed into the Faitg.

The culprits behind this failure:

🙄The false spirituality, full of fine opinions, but which flees from reality instead of working with it

🤨The dualistic hatred of society, of the material world, etc.

😨The false clairvoyance, with its real manipulations

🤪«Signs», card readings, and other forms of phoney divination. If a spiritual entity wants to send us a message, it can do so much more easily, for example, through dreams (this has happened to me several times, including during this current crisis) rather than by altering physical objects (this never happened to me).

🤔the ignorance of what sociopaths are. This illness is certainly the one which causes the most suffering in the world. With this knowledge, I would have left long before 1985. But nobody had imagined that a sociopath could want to recapture his victim.

🙃Finally, the danger of the «anti-cults», which only seek to crush our aspirations, at best through ignorance, often through hatred of life. But I already knew this, so I did not contacted them. I only consulted the ADFI once, later in 1990, and it was... very instructive.

In fact, this relapse into the Faitg, while a source of suffering and chaos, was not entirely negative. Without it, there would have been no comic strip about the Eolis (making a comic was Sylvain's suggestion, ha ha ha! He had even started printing them, but he sold his offset press before finishing). There would no more be my General Epistemology (I had started some texts as early as 1988). Furthermore, I had two children, something that turned all my plans upside down and required many sacrifices, but which I absolutely cannot regret. Finally, once I was out of that situation, the maturity I had gained brought me a genuine guidance, much more precise than all the liars I encountered this summer 1985.

▶️ See this section in my page on UFOs

The so-called contactees (Le Faitg, 1985)

(Permalink) Ecrit en Juin 2019.

Sit down with plenty of pop corn!

This 1985 summer saw me quite mobile, which allowed me to meet several people who claimed to have been contacted by extraterrestrials. The idea that such a thing was possible originated with Georges Adamsky, well-known to scientific ufologists as the prototype of the contactees, in the 1950s. Adamsky claimed to have boarded «spaceships» several times, where he supposedly received messages of wisdom, quite seductive and advanced for the time. This social advance made him very credible as a contactee (this was before the Hippies). However, he never provided any physical proof of his contacts. At the time, it was not possible to prove that he was lying, but today no one takes him seriously anymore, because he claimed to have met Venusians and Saturnians, or because he had already tried to spread the same messages in the 1930s, boasting a Tibetan source. He had not foreseen that one day we would be able to verify his claims on Venus... and in Tibet!

The idea of extraterrestrial contact, however, long divided scientific ufologists, because there were also proven close encounters (CE3s) where witnesses claimed to have been tasked with spreading a message. At the time, the dominant paradigm was that UFOs were spacecraft piloted by extraterrestrials, coming to help Earth at a crucial stage of its development. The idea of contact therefore made sense, including telepathic messages, and I would not be surprised if we eventually found genuine contactees, whether telepathic or physical. But today, after all the conspirationism, if such contacts exist, we understand that their interest is to either provide serious evidence acceptable to everybody, or to remain very discreet.

In any case, Georges Adamsky had many imitators, mainly in the United States. And, like the original, they delivered seemingly spiritual «messages» (today some of them are still active in conspirationism). In France, the most well-known was Frank Fontaine in 1979. But it quickly became clear that the Frank Fontaine affair was a massive hoax. Thus, in 1985 in France, when people talked about contactees, almost everybody thought of Frank Fontaine, and big caliber hoax (In french: «fumisterie» means both hoax and stove pipe). Only the few who had studied scientific ufology, like myself, could still take the idea of extraterrestrial contact seriously, knowing of the existence of verified RR3 and RR4 events, some of which including spiritual messages. Add to that things like Hessdalen, with almost daily sightings at the time, and all of this gave the impression of an increasingly active extraterrestrial presence, on the verge of revealing itself.

The Franck Fontaine case unfortunably inaugurated a media pattern which remains the norm today in 2020: indiscriminately lumping all «ufologists», whether institutional or private, together with conspirationists or cults. And above all, giving extensive publicity to bogus cases like Franck Fontaine's, while remaining silent on genuine cases with real investigations, such as the RR3 and RR4 cases mentioned above. This implies that they knew from the beginning that Franck Fontaine's «disappearance» was a hoax. It is indeed quite curious that they would have heard about two unknown young men ranting in their corner: the entire affair was necessarily fabricated, with the prior complicity of the media. Like the «Arab conspiracy» surrounding the AZF disaster, or the Mayan prophecy and extraterrestrial base delusions in Bugarach. This all reeks of media fabrication, as I personnally observed with their false flag operations against the anti-nuclear movement.

It also seemed obvious that these extraterrestrials were more spiritually advanced than us, which made very plausible the idea that they would first contact spiritually advanced people, instead of the incompetents who served as our governments at the time.

The first «real» contactee I met was Jean Michel Surmely, who came to the Faitg, probably in 1984 or early 1985. He claimed (and still claims in 2020) to be in contact with a group of extraterrestrials led by Ashtar Sheran, delivering, like Adamsky, very kind spiritual messages, all of high vibration, saying to be there to help Earthlings in the ongoing spiritual transition. At that time, he showed us paintings of these figures, which pioneered the technique of saturated colors harmonized in pastel, designed to produce high vibrations, which would become the basis of the New Age painting some years later. I myself have used this style ever since (or ever since I learned to hold a paintbrush, actually). This innovation was credible proof that Jean Michel and his friends were truly receiving spiritual messages. Today, it is still easy to find these images on the internet, searching for «ascended masters». In fact, they are more often in the Sulpician style than New Age or Celtic. But many are bizarre, as if painted by lunatics.

It was difficult to catch Surmely liying. But once, he suggested we spend a night watch in the nearby countryside, saying we would have «chances of seeing ships» (implying that this had been indicated to him telepathically). There were about six of us, and the evening was well underway. At one point, he said, «I have already seen lights in the mountains» (The Canigou, visible from where we were). To which I replied, cautious but not at all skeptical, «we must be careful, because there are roads high up in the mountains» (for example, at the Batère mines, which were still operating at the time, at an altitude over 2,000 meters). He nodded as if he agreed, but about ten minutes later he said, «I don't think they'll come tonight». Obviously, he could no longer pretend that the lights in the mountains were UFOs. So, despite being «nice», Jean Michel was indeed a fraud, who has not changed his tune in the 21st century.

Jean Michel was not coming alone, once he brought another supposed contactee, who today irresistibly reminds me of the cretin in the film «Brice de Nice». Like the later, he spoke very loudly, only to spout nonsense. I once heard Viviane whispering that he did some bad thing, like rape, I never knew exactly what, but it was worthy of the film. Except that in real, it is not fun at all. (Even my computer could not handle this movie to the end. An interesting detail: since I could not remember the title, I googled «stupid movies», and it came up first.)

Daniel Meurois and Anne Givaudan became famous with their books, especially «The way of the Essenes» a fantastic epic spanning thousands of years of reincarnations of this eternally united mystical couple, in an episode centered on the life of Jesus Christ (it is crazy how many people claim to have met Jesus, there must have been more people at the Crucifixion than at the OK Corral). And of course, there also we read wonderful mystical messages, punctuated by some very curious warnings from Jesus against... the vegetarians. And here we go again. There even is a scene where Jesus shows a bluish aura surrounding meat, declaring, «It is not what goes into our mouths which matters, but what comes out of it». Yes, of course. But well, I care for both. It is incredible how many charlatans use high spirituality to protect their sausage. The affair ended in court, with the divorce of the eternal mystical couple, Anne disavowing Daniel, and the latter continuing to reincarnate alone in different eras of the past, after various inconsistencies such as meeting Manetho, who lived 300 years before Christ. The moral of the story: for these charlatans, it is not what goes in our mouths which matters, but what they shove in our behinds.

A visible consequence of this saga remains: the «Lune Soleil» (Moon Sun) building, a dark brown wooden rotunda, near Le Moustier, in the Dordogne, within walking distance of the «Dhagpo Kagyu Ling» Buddhist center (45°1’2.05"N, 1°2’58.6"W). There even is a website and a Facebook page, which seem to have remained stuck in the 1980’ by a space-time fault. In any case, they make no mention of their not so illustrious founders.

Another very similar case was Findhorn. It all started with the «Findhorn Gardens», which were touted as impossible due to the frigid Scottish climate and sandy soil. Actually, sand has never been a problem for a gardener; I know that from experience. As for the climate, Google Earth shows vast fields of grain in the immediate vicinity of Findhorn, and even as farther north as the tip of Scotland and the Shetland Islands. So this is nothing extraordinary. But back then there was no Google Earth to debunk the lies, and these gardens were presented as a miracle springing up in the middle of inhospitable, uncultivable Scottish moors. Today (2020) There certainly are some beautiful architectural achievements in Findhorn, and the «magical» gardens are still there. But why here too the vegetarians «failed to stabilize their vision?» (Translation: they were harassed until they left. Otherwise, why the third person?). This makes the whole affair highly suspicious. Why is it that the god Pan (Just him!!) had to visit these people specifically, but not you or me?

There is a tempting explanation: these people are not spiritual at all, and they are simply playing this game to present themselves as important figures. But talking about astrology and good vibes does not commit anybody to anything, whereas concrete actions like vegetarianism require a real, physical investment. Far beyond the comfort zone of their egos. And to claim to be friends with gods or to give lessons to Jesus Christ, they have to have a seriously inflated one, of ego.

Today, Findhorn and the Erraid Island community are still active, and apparently well-established institutions. They now have their own websites, which promote ecology, «sacred dances», nonviolence, tolerance... Here too the New Age seems to have recycled in «well being», not in real transformative spirituality.

The case I examined with the most details was that of the magazine «Spirale», based in Elliant, Finistère. At the Faitg, we had already received the first six issues, presenting as real facts dozens of community groups, in France alone, receiving extraterrestrials physically and frolicking with them among the stars. It was fantastic, exhilarating! We had the impression of a movement growing at a prodigious speed, preparing for an official contact in just some years. Just that they were giving no names, no addresses... Since it was at that time that I made my failed attempt to leave the Faitg, in the 1985 summer, I was available to visit them in Elliant, and meet several members of the group who lived there. Hoping to finally encounter these famous extraterrestrials myself, without having to go through all those bizarre people who were screening around them. After all, I had decided, on my own, to dedicate my life to spreading the ideal of a better society, so I thought that if extraterrestrials had also undertaken this work, then they could give a much clearer direction for my own efforts.

So I stayed some days in Eliant, where clearly nothing of this sort happened. Right on the contrary, I discovered connections with the Frank Fontaine story, which already made me seriously doubt the whole affair.

There still were some nice things, though, like the dome houses project, round, eco-friendly houses made of cedar wood, which has since materialized in dozens of builds across Europe (but not in Eliant proper: the town hall scoffed at the project, thus missing the opportunity to be the first. The fact that the New Age movement had been relatively discreet did not protected it from such idiotic reactions).

On extraterrestrials, one of the members of the group even claimed to have physically entered a spaceship! So, faced with my insistence on seeing these things by myself, they finally sent me to Michel Mélendre, apparently the only one of these dozens of communities and contactees who was reachable. He recounted in the «Spirale» magazine his fabulous stories of physical encounters with blue-skinned extraterrestrials on a deserted road in the Landes of Gascogne. This time I had a direct source! So I jumped on the train.

Michel lived in Bordeaux, and when I got off the train at the Saint Jean station, he was waiting for me right outside my carriage door, and he called me by my name. Impressive. But I immediately sensed that something was off: his bad vibration did not matched his wonderful stories at all. Michel was actually quite well-known in Bordeaux, and I remembered having already seen his Citroën 2CV (at the university restaurant on Place de la Victoire). the one from his RR4 stories, completely painted with a dragon. He took me to his place, where he lived with two women, two children (whom I only vaguely glimpsed), and a punk. On the wonderful side, there were these women who also painted in beautiful colors and smiled at me, though they did not spoke to me (I suspect Mélendre had forbidden them to, and indeed they did not joined us for the evening). Michel claimed to be receiving messages from Haurrio, and that anyone could meet him if, by chance, they happened to be in a group of four men and three women. A rather curious condition, which caused quite a stir in the small community of those interested in physical contact. A condition which was indeed met that evening, but no sign of Haurrio! On the grotesque side, there was this punk. Grotesque is indeed the right word, because back then, being a punk meant black clothes, stupid features, big buttocks, bad vibes, cynicism, and Nazi humor, completely at the opposite of Haurrio's fairy tales. The inconsistency was enormous! Worse, at one point this punk pulled out his sausage, mockingly saying, «Richard is going to suffer.» If he was doing that to annoy me instead of enjoying the moment, too bad for him. The same thing happened the next day when a neighbor was cutting down a tree: «Richard is going to suffer», as if I were the only one capable of emotions. But when I asked Michel if I could stay with his group, he delivered the final blow: «No, because we are not vegetarians.» I must say, I was completely dumbfounded. Anti-vegetarian extraterrestrials? That was utterly ridiculous.

So the whole thing was just a big hoax?

It was, and I got official proof some weeks later: a seventh and final issue of the magazine «Spirale» with titled «the Illusions». The people from Elliant explained that Michel had tried to scam them out of the money meant for the dome houses, in order to buy himself a van, and go in a holiday in the Luberon. He claimed that this money would be useless to them, since the world was going to end in some months. This incident also confirmed that the Elliant group was entirely a sequel of the Frank Fontaine affair. It was the small group of people who had believed him, and who had organized UFO vigils there. There even was Jean-Pierre Prévost in Elliant (the one who had organized the whole masquerade around Frank Fontaine). The people of Elliant had not mentioned his presence to me, because they were on bad terms with him. Or perhaps because it would have raised my suspicions! (Having participated in the SAPT UFO commission, I was perfectly aware that the Frank Fontaine affair was nothing but a load of delirium, with exactly zero interest for the ufologist)

It was then difficult to escape the inevitable conclusion: the whole affair was nothing but lies, Mélendre having invented all the stories and groups of witnesses mentioned in the Spirale Review, just to put his ego at the center of the attention. Even the «physical witness» I had met «did not remembered», it was Mélendre who had told him that he had boarded a spaceship, and that the extraterrestrials had erased his memory afterward! When desire is so strong that it blinds common sense...

Obviously, after this denunciation, Mélendre was burned in the New Age and UFO circles. He probably recycled himself in other scams since. Searching online, I saw him mentioned in a «chivalry order» around 2007, bedecked with stoles and high titles. It didn't take him long to recover.

Regarding his anti-vegetarian extraterrestrials, this curious stance is actually quite easily explained: he understood that I would not be satisfied with empty talks, I instead wanted to meet his extraterrestrials for real. Since he obviously could not show them to me, he had to deflect the blame in a way he considered credible within his New Age milieu. Indeed, hostility towards vegetarians was common in this milieu of fake theatrical spirituality which frantically rejected any real effort to become better.

As for the Eliant team, they were none other than Franck Fontaine's fans, the small group who had believed his nonsense and who had rallied around Jean-Pierre Prévost! I recently (2018) found some people from Eliant on Facebook. However, only one replied. It is understandable that they are not proud of having been duped in this way. But we were partners in crime, in a way. This condescending attitude suggests that ultimately their entire spirituality was a sham, and that it would still be.

A telling detail is that their Facebook friends list included several television presenters who were quite well-known at the time. That they had links with high priests of the media, inaccessible to ordinary people, lends credence to the idea that the Frank Fontaine affair might have been a media stunt, one of those fabricated false flag operations, like the Mayan prophecy, the inedia, Bugarach, or the Arab conspiracy in the AZF explosion, a vast disinformation campaign aimed at discrediting the idea of extraterrestrial contacts (which was gaining traction at the time). Indeed, it is hard to see why the media would be interested in two idiots spouting nonsense in their corner, like thousands of others who appear every day. (Hey guys, I was contacted by the Likpas, why aren't you talking about me in the TV???)

This paragraph added in 2026: I have since removed all these people from my Facebook friends list, due to their links to conspirationism.

The fact that I could not integrate myself into this group also shows that it was a clan, not a group trying to serve an ideal. In the latter case, they would not have silently dismissed me. But neither the people at Eliant nor those on the TV accepted me! They certainly had good reason to, given my General Epistemology and my artistic creations for a better world. But epistemology is frightening: it is the ultimate weapon against lies and manipulation!

Another interesting detail is that, in its anti-cult rantings, Charlie Hebdo presented Mélendre as «a contactee», meaning genuinely contacted, not as a «supposed contactee» (as one would expect from fundamentalist atheists). Thus, they believed that he was truly in contact with extraterrestrials, and they hated him for this. Are you surprised that they hate extraterrestrials, when they already hate Mankind?

There was not much left to cling at, after this affair, except for the principle of painting using only saturated colors. What I still do, but in a deliberately more realistic style than the New Age (without, however, disavowing the latter). But, despite these disappointments, between Mélendre, Surmely, Viviane, Givaudan, Findhorn, Eliant, Adamsky, there were too many beautiful things in common in all these false messages for it to be due to mere chance.

We are to see how in the following sub-chapter:

▶️ See this section in my page on UFOs

The spiritual contact, explanations (Le Faitg, 1985)

(Permalink) Written in June 2019

(This sub-chapter can be considered independent. However, it also serves as a demystification of the so-called «contactees» discussed in the previous sub-chapter.)

If such «extraterrestrial messages» were merely the feat of con artists, we could argue that they simply invented them as baits. But then, pure charlatans would have chosen more commercially viable bait, such as sex (Raël), violence (racist anti-ET films and video games), horror (Strieber), and so on. The fact that a large number of them chose a commercially unprofitable topic like the New Age is already strange.

But even more troubling is that there also are a multitude of people who have perceived similar things without claiming to be contactees, for example all the artists of the New Age movement. Therefore, there is indeed something real, although we cannot discern its source. One example is Iasos, one of the very first New Age musicians, who indeed spoke of «receiving» his music. But that was in 1975, years before all the hype surrounding fake contactees, and later he did not started claiming to see extraterrestrials or «ascended masters». we can therefore consider him authentic, along with many other artists from the same period.

In fact, what I think is happening today is that the reception of spiritual inspiration, once rare and fantastical (prophets, founders of religions), is becoming increasingly common, but without fanfare or glory. And today, only a small number of mythomaniacs, wackos or con artists still publicly claim to meet extraterrestrials, angels, and so on. Thus, all the necessary inspiration is available to everyone, and it automatically enters our minds, as fast as the opinions and ideologies get out.

And this is much better: everyone has all the elements at their disposal to establish a course of action consistent with the ongoing change. So there is no longer the risk of an ego becoming some new tyrant, corrupting the entire movement, founding a new religion or a new party. We can even be wary of anyone who presents themselves as superior or indispensable leaders. All good, you will think, spirituality has become a freedom thing. But there is a very troubling corollary: everyone engages his full responsibility. Thus, staying glued in front of the TV becomes as culpable as committing the crimes the said TV depicts. I do not know if there will be some kind of judgment at some point during the transition, but I would not bet on a total impunity. What might happen is a sorting out at some point, so that the bad guys can no longer harm the good. Which of the two sides will remain on Earth, I have no idea, but here too, evil does have better not to rely on uncertainty.

I have finally come to understand what is really happening with these phenomena. Indeed, since those unfortunate experiences, my understanding has evolved considerably. In Chapter V-7 of «General Epistemology», I explore how people can perceive such inspirations, whether they call them «extraterrestrial messages», «religious revelations», or simply «inspiration». There is a real phenomenon at the core. A very interesting phenomenon, but surrounded with very dangerous mirages and quicksand.

I explain the theory with more detail in >chapter V-10 of my book «General Epistemology».

Basically, Transcendence, whether we call it God, Clear Light, Force, Emptiness, etc., is not a person, force, or entity external to us, but an intrinsic property of consciousness itself. This explains why we encounter it everywhere, just like the God of the catechism who sees everything we do. Therefore, «Receiving messages» from it is not a parapsychological phenomenon (telepathy), because in fact, we do not receive information from any external source. We simply discover what has always been there, within reach, in our own minds, but which our inner chatter and aimless strategies have been hiding from us. Thus, everybody can receive inspiration from Transcendence. This can happen during intense emotion, a trial, a near-death experience, in meditation, in contact with nature, in contact with psychologically normal people, etc.

Even better, the messages are intrinsically positive, and moreover, the same for everybody, because they originate from the very structure of consciousness! This is easy to understand if we compare the laws of consciousness to the laws of physics. The laws of physics lead to an inevitable and always identical result: immobility and cold, as soon as we stop disturbing them by supplying energy. The same is true for consciousness: as soon as we stop agitating it with worldly thoughts, it always leads to a single state, identical state for everybody, a state of inner peace and love, where life seems so simple. Hence the impression of a single, highly evolved source. This point is discussed in the linked chapters. For theists, this source may be considered as the part of the One God which exists within each of us. For Buddhists, it is our Buddha Nature. The two viewpoints are two conceptual systems approximating the same transcendent reality (chapter I-9). In practice, the many differences in the observed message stem from the diverging concepts used to describe a Transcendence which is itself unique.

However, as soon as this contact is established, a dangerous bandit awaits: the ego.

The ego is none other than the functioning of the brain, more precisely its inference engine, the neural system which produces the chaining of our thoughts, emotions, intents. And, since the brain is a material object, it has no access to Transcendence, nor to the goals of consciousness. It does not even know the truth, scientific or otherwise, but only opinions, which are neuroses gathered randomly according to its positive or negative experiences. Hence its intrinsic and incurable amorality and stupidity. The major problem with the human condition is that consciousness is accustomed to following the dictates of the ego, because this is how it was born. Worse, if we do not pay attention, it is the ego which cooks for us the entire content of our consciousness: feelings, ideas, intents, daydreams, and so on. This is how so many people behave totally at random, while imagining that they like it or that they decided it themselves. While in reality they are merely obeying electrical fluctuations in some neurons tampered by years of television conditioning and haphazardous experiences. This is also why they inflict so much suffering upon themselves, which they imagine to be «necessary», on the basis of their jumble of opinions, prejudices and ideologies, which they call «the truth». (Note that I am not either advocating the very dangerous material/spiritual opposition, see the discussion in the linked chapter.)

But sometimes consciousness «detaches» from the brain and functions autonomously. This experience is then perceived as a wonderful message from the Transcendence. And all our ego-driven plans and concerns therefore appear to us for what they truly are: pathetic, useless, dangerous. This phenomenon, rare millennia ago, was called Revelation or Prophecy at the time, and it is at the origin of the great religions. These Revelations were indeed authentic spiritual experiences. But this phenomenon is becoming increasingly common today, potentially happening with anybody. And without any religious or prophetic pretenses anymore. This is what allows great intuitions like ecology, New Age art, vegetarianism, spirituality, economic justice, gender equality, and respect for animals to spread as they do today, without the need for an organization or ideology, and even across Iron Curtains. And if millions of people suddenly embrace an emerging idea, it is not because that idea «spreads», but because they had already more or less perceived it themselves beforehand. Only words and concepts spread. Movements merely become visible when a new word allows people to recognize themselves in an idea. But given the propensity of the media to distort and disparage the meaning of the words, it is much better that the new Revolution be wordless. Only who is connected to the Void understands.

The BIG problem, however, is that the ego immediately appropriates the experience. Indeed, it is for the ego the source of a fantastic energy, which it is completely incapable of producing itself. What happens then is that, at best, the ego interprets the experience according to the dogmas and beliefs it already carries in his bag, as religious preachers have often done (or been forced to do, to avoid being burned at the stake). This is how these people came to see in the experience a message from their angels, according to their pre-existing religion. At this point, the damage is still limited. But the uncontrolled ego will completely appropriate the experience and make it its own. Which, of course, immediately stops any contact with the Transcendence. Indeed, this contact only occurs when the brain is in a state of mental emptiness. Simple excitement, and all the more plans and projects, instantly block the reception of the Transcendence (like Kador, the intellectual dog of the Bidochons, who levitates, but only when he is bored, which makes it impossible to «scientifically reproduce the experience», let alone to exploit it commercially). This experience then becomes a mere memory, then just another opinion or belief, pretty but worthless, lifeless. As if we kept only the box which had contained this fantastic gift.

And here the damage can be much more serious: it only takes a little dishonesty, often not even conscious, to distort the content of the experience according to our prejudices, to filter it, distort it, limit it, or misrepresent it. Here is the source of the so common distortions in religious revelations, such as the traditional misogyny and prudishness. But, here we go, here comes from all the pollution of the new inspirations: opposition to vegetarians, opposition to science, jumble of astronomy beliefs, etc. This is also why so many differences of opinion remain even within a movement as well-defined as ecology.

As to sociopaths or manipulators, they are of course unable to connect with the Transcendence on their own. But their psychological skills will quickly allow them to discern its importance to others. Then, to pose themselves as bearers of Revelation (religious, spiritual, UFO-related, political...) allows them to draw energy from normal people. Indeed, orfinary persons are eager to get this energy which slips through their fingers every time they try to grasp at it. The fake guru, the fake contactee, the political leader, the conspirationist, then represent, for their followers, a source of energy which is much more available. This is what sociopaths or con artists are waiting for: their false revelations then become a powerful instrument of power over others, as they pose themselves as mediums, contacted by the gods, by aliens, etc. A mindset typical of manipulators like Viviane, Mélendre, Adamski, Surmely, Jean-Pierre Prévost, Strieber, etc.

And the criterion for recognizing them is ultimately quite simple: their false «messages» contain factual elements such as proper names, places, dates, people, etc., whereas contact with the Transcendence cannot possibly provide any such details. Indeed, this contact with Transcendence is not a reception of information, it is only a space of freedom which opens up within the jumble of our neuroses and opinions. From here comes from the feeling of ineffable simplicity often reported.

Only a genuine telepathic contact with another consciousness can contain such factual elements. But in this case, Karl Popper raises his staff of priest of science: these elements can only be considered true if they can be independently verified. Such checked perceptions happened to me several times, as recounted all alont those memories. But if the message contains unverifiable factual elements, or elements which verification proves negative, then we are dealing with, at the very least, a pathological liar (sick, but not evil). If, in addition, this person tries to destabilize you, as Mélendre and Viviane did with me, then they are psychopaths (ill and evil). It is as simple as that. We just don't think about it, and this is how we end up with years of suffering without understanding. Of course, you will not be fooled, because of course, since I started publishing all my theories on consciousness in 1999, you will have been taught all this at school. But in 1985, nobody knew these things.

Other simple criteria make it easy to identify these situations: sexism,(Viviane), rejection of science (Viviane, bobo ecology), rejection of vegetarians (Mélendre), rejection of non-vegetarians (Faitg), prudishness, pornography, loveless sex (bobos), rejection of categories of people considered bad, isolation within a group or doctrine, rejection of society, rejection of matter, rejection of spirituality, dualism, etc.

Thus, I have no reason to regret my «experimental approach» to these phenomena, as it helped me understand the dangerous zone of egotistical illusions which surrounds it. This understanding is important, and it needed to be shared, because you will inevitably encounter this phenomenon sooner or later, when you will in turn receive an inspiration, or when you meet people who share a revelation you were not expecting. None of your opinions can prepare you to the absence of opinion. If I myself had known this trap earlier, it would have spared me nine years of psychological harassment, and above all, of spiritual uncertainty. A level of suffering that, as we see in this chapter, led at least four of my companions in the Faitg to suicide.

Notes.

It should be noted that the majority of Elliant's team members, or the visitors to the Faitg, were simply ordinary people like you and me, neither psychopaths nor mythomaniac, nor even more gullible than the average. They too were simply lured by a very new, very seductive, very emotional scam, promising the paradise in just some years, and above all, presenting the appearance of strong evidences (the multiple groups supposedly receiving extraterrestrials daily, as reported in the magazine «Spirale»). Furthermore, this evidence was given credibility by the irrational censorship of UFOs, which put society in the wrong (and which is the root cause of conspirationism). And you yourself might fall victim to another, as yet unknown scam, having seen ads for it in supermarkets or supposedly ecological magazines: gluten-free diets, toxic electricity meters, 5G spreading viruses, climate change denial, flat Earth, the «deep state», COVID denial, and so on. The imagination of con artists knows no bounds. And it is not necessarily money they are after, nor even power or sex: they primarily seek to steal your energy by making you focus your though on them, thanks to their countless taboos disrupting your life.

I have, of course, tried to harness this phenomenon of inspiration myself, with interesting results, such as my artistic creations. This can be achieved through meditation. But I have never seen aliens or gods land in my room (not even anti-vegetarian imprecators brandishing a dry sausage, ha ha ha!). On the contrary, I try to justify myself scientifically, which keeps the door open for others to correct my possible own errors.

There is, however, one specific case which deserves discussion: in meditation, such as Chakra or Kundalini meditation, we often have the sensation of a presence near us. But it is not always the same, and moreover, it has a curious tendency to push us towards unbridled sexuality. The Tibetan Lamas I asked said that we should either pay no attention to such things, or visualize them as our Yidam. And if you wish to consider them real, do so in a non-dualistic way with considering them as illusions. This will spare you bad surprises.

And, if really some extraterrestrials seek to contact humans telepathically, as I suggest in chapter VIII-9, then we should expect them to be well-versed in these mirages, and that they will request an iron discipline from any formal contact until they have sufficiently mastered and purified their ego to faithfully transmit their message. They will ruthlessly cut off all contact with liars and mythomaniacs before granting them the slightest endorsement. Conversely, it is understandable that ordinary Earthlings will also ask for verifiable proof before believing such stories. Especially after all the idioties of the so-called contactees, reptilian conspiracies, anal probes, and so on. They did not liked that.

My idea is that, if extraterrestrials are trying to guide humanity telepathically, then they would simply be facilitating the contact with Transcendence. Indeed, Transcendence is enough to guide us, as it already contains everything we need, and moreover it fully respects our freedom.

Then, possible extraterrestrials therefore do not need to provide information about themselves, and it could even be dangerous for them if they did. All the paranoid conspirationism about UFOs probably severely damaged any telepathic link, far more than the media's childish denial.

▶️ See this section in my page on UFOs

Strange green dusk (Le Faitg, 1985)

(Permalink) Written in December 2020.

While I did not exactly «saw a UFO» at the Faitg, something very peculiar did happened one day. But first, let us look at the very specific context of this evening.

You would not expect a region as far south and sunny as North-Pyrenean Catalonia to be prone to catastrophic blizzards worthy of the Canada. Yet it happened twice during my stay. The first time, a meter of snow fell across the entire department in a single evening! It caused practically all the power lines to collapse under the weight of a particularly sticky snow. It was a surreal sight: rows of high-voltage pylons stretching to the horizon, all toppled or lying on the ground, each in a different pose, like giants mown down in a battle. EDF (French utility for electricity) had to conduct studies to understand the phenomenon: the wind causes the wires to rotate. Wet snow at zero degrees quickly forms a sleeve around them. This sleeve attracts even more snow, growing heavier until the wire snaps. Having understood the problem, EDF had scheduled a solution for... the average interval between two such events. Unfortunately, a second blizzard did not wait for that interval to come around snapping all the lines again! So, EDF deployed the solution without delay: small pendulums attached to the wires, so that to stop them from rotating. If you go on around Perpignan, Céret or Collioure, you will certainly notice these small balls hanging from the lines. They are here for when Canada pays a visit to the land of the cicadas. We love you the chums, your accent, your raguettes, the caribou and all. But tabarnak, stop breaking our power lines.

That evening was therefore quite unsettling, the power was already out, and a strange greenish light had replaced the usual twilight, all amidst the thick fog of a massive snowstorm. I had never seen anything like this, and I never saw it again. I no longer remember the reason, but Viviane had wanted the four of us to stay in our bedroom at the top of the tower. She was likely frightened by the atmosphere. The upside was that we had the best view of any room in the Faitg.

What we did not knew, and only learned days later, was that a tragedy was unfolding at the very same time. A man, a novice «neo-rural», former town dweller and new country inhabitant, who had recently moved into a nearby farmhouse, had gone to Perpignan to do shopping with his baby. Upon returning that evening, he found the access road to his farmhouse blocked by the snow. He went to the village to ask for a snowplow, but there are no snowplows in the land of the cicadas. Locals advised him to spend the night in the village, as venturing onto a forest track during a blizzard at night is extremely dangerous. The old-timers knew the terrain far better than the newcomers, naturally. But the man refused, fixated on «rescuing» his wife as in a movie, as she was isolated in their farmhouse. In reality, she was perfectly safe, those old farmhouses, with their sturdy oak frameworks, had weathered far worse. He got into his car and drove into the forest, heading toward his home. The next day, the car was found stuck in a snowdrift. His body was discovered a short distance away, shielding his baby, who could then survive one more hour or two, thanks to that protection. His wife, totally unharmed, sued the municipality for failing to send a snowplow, and obviously she lost. In short, a wretched tale of totally derealized people. This guy would deserve a Darwin Award, bu he is disqualified because of the innocent baby he killed with him.

It was during this time that, viewed from my room at the Faitg, amidst the primordial darkness of the world without electricity, the snowy fog became tinged with light. A bluish light which slowly intensified. The «rational» explanation is that electric arcs were forming on the nearby medium-voltage power line. But the light was too steady for an arc, and, most notably, every time I approached the window to look, it... would go out. This happened four or five times, so it could hardly be a coincidence. To this day, I still have no explanation.

Curiously, of the four of us, I was the only one to see this phenomenon, as if the others were shutting it out of their consciousness. It is astonishing, but some people with deeply entrenched religious views have refused to look at a UFO or any other remarkable phenomenon. This was observed during the french Taizé UFO incident. I saw the same thing among leftists in Bordeaux: a rocket (from the nearby CEL) shot up into the sky. I exclaimed «Rocket!» and pointed at it, but my leftist «comrades» refused to look! I believe we should steer clear of people with that kind of mindset. My own experience has always confirmed this.

In the days which followed, brilliant sunshine in a pristine blue sky bathed the landscape in a shimmering white glow. The snow was of a virginal purity, and the sun filtered through one metre of thickness, yielding a very pure blue.

We spent two weeks completely cut off from the world, like pioneers in the Far North, with a 50kg sack of Borsa flour, a ton of sawdust for the stoves, a wood-burning oven for cooking, and forays into the garden in tall boots to gather vegetables. I remember the cabbages, the only ones which presence was visible. But I knew where the carrots were, I managed to have some almost all year round.

▶️ See this section in my page on UFOs

The music of the 1980’s

(Permalink) Written in July 2020.

The 1980s were the years of the mini-cassette, a very practical little device, which allowed us to listen anywhere the music of our choice, unlike the bulky record players or stereos, or the radios with their imposed choices. And above all to do it at a much more reasonable price! Especially since we could easily copy cassettes, an activity in theory forbidden but few had already understood it at that time. Of course, the cassette with its small speaker assembly was far from HiFi. But the sound was full and warm, which made up for it, In addition to other advantages such as being portable and inexpensive. So it was typically a thing for young people, students and workers, while a stereo (and its fragile and bulky discs) required a living room and a good salary. Some even said that HiFi was «a bourgeois thing» (which I dispute, there were entry-level products of very sufficient quality at affordable prices. The true reason for this accusation is that marxists do no t like beauty).

The late 1970s had shown two contradictory developments, regarding music and culture. On the one hand we had beautiful music, or music of spiritual awakening, and on the other hand we had horrible and degenerate music from the media.

End 1970’, on the beauty side, we started with Jean Michel Jarre’s «oxygen», which finally gave the general public a chance to hear the ethereal sounds which can only be produced with a synth. These sounds were not new, but they had remained confined to the «rock» or the «pop». I remember of some people criticizing Jarre, saying «it’s easy». Yes, but then why was he the only one, lol. In fact I tried later: composing music, even on a synth with a computer editor, is not easy at all. It is even impossible if we do not know the counterpoint. Or we do disco, yes, that is easy. But it would not do justice to Jarre to call him disco.

End 1970’, on the ugly side, we had things like the disco, not yet satanic, but empty and inexpressive, the worst of the synthesizer: mechanical beats, infinitely repeated samples, strange-inhuman voices, etc. This kind of thing remains associated with the bizarre and pornographic world of the nightclubs, and it is still for many a way of withdrawing from life, of not hearing nature. This is why some people play this kind of music very loud while «jogging»: it protects them from the silence of nature or the sounds of life. The proof? They never play Mozart, which on the contrary vibrates fantastically with nature.

I remember being shocked by a record cover from David Bowie, with his hair pulled up fascist style, and his body painted with a large blue and red zigzag which denied his human sensuality. As he also had the reputation of being homosexual, this associated homosexuality with the refusal of life, or with the transhumanist horrors. There was something frightening in this image, of a dangerous degeneration, diametrically opposed to the current awakening. I do not know who had laid this image, because in fact, David Bowie was neither a fascist nor a sexual icon (he precisely renounced his fascist and homosexual declarations of the time, as an effect of fashion and not of his own tastes). As a singer, he was actually like in the 1960s, just in earthy tones instead of black and white.

When the first punk music first appeared, it was so bad that no one listened to it. It took a huge media campaign («Libé» in the lead) to artificially inflate this movement, which would never have existed without such a massive normalization by the media. But groty punkism was an ideal way to thwart the positive evolution of music, by making people believe that they liked it, and by imposing it everywhere.

But the priests of the media needed something as dirty as the punk, but more credible as music. The record companies ghostwriters worked hard to lay this down for us. It was, technically, punk which had been given basic musical instruction, so as not to look like mentally disabled blokes banging on pans. But there was something despairing, both in the words and in the sounds, which foreshadowed what was to come:

The 1980s saw a complete social dichotomy when it came to music.

On the one hand we had the media and the official radio stations (the «crap radios») fully supporting the punk fashion, in all its most filthy and reactionary aspects (and at the opposite of the few real punks of the beginning. Their goal was to be «unrecoverable» for the system. But they finally were the most easily recovered). On the other hand, we had the New Age and high vibration music, samizdats spreading under the cover, among ecologists or spiritualists, with some inspiring books like «The Lord of the Rings» and «Dune» (which the movies of the media have totally censored and distorted the content, spiritual for LOTR, and ecological for Dune)

Shopping at the supermarket in the 1980s was a nightmare. There were absolutely horrible music, with distressing vibrations and even, without exaggeration, satanic vibrations. Which owed the 1980’s the nickname of the «rotten eighties». I don't remember the titles, but the radios played one by Johnny Hallyday describing the agony of madmen besieged by the police! Others expressed an excruciating grief, with screams of tortured people. These people were really sick. (Today AC/DC is a tamed remainder from this era. But some things were much worse).

By the way, with such an atmosphere, it did not take much millenarianism to see the end of the world or the Last Judgment approaching. That only some small sects took the plunge shows that people were ultimately much more resilient than that.

It was also around 1985 that we began to see the scabby hairs (shaven temples, as if these people had some sort of ringworm) and baseball caps turned sideways, ostentatious signs of the drug trafficking gangs in «sensitive districts». In my inner mind I called all this the «AIDS fashion», as if those scabby hairs were one of the horrible consequences of this disease. I admit I was shocked by such a deliberately anti-life style, associated with gross faces expressing obtuse violence and evil will. In 1985, seeing so many horrors appearing simultaneously (rap, AIDS, tags, scabby hairs, fascist gangs, etc.) in a society which was still so stuck, gave the impression of some satanic attack, that evil was triumphing. Indeed, all these calamities appearing simultaneously pointed to a common karmic cause. (The idea of such a cause was present, and some even accused homosexuality). But the worst thing is that so many «normal» people have adopted these hideous fashions without hesitation, apparently without suspecting that even the angels may look away from them. Today when I see someone with scabby hairs in Second Life I am wary, and in fact they themselves completely turn away from me, not supporting my positive vibration.

By contrast, the 1980s were the cradle of the «New Age» (at the beginning we said «New Era», while french record dealers were saying «niouèdge» with a contemptuous tone).

The first «New Age» music I heard was Kitaro «Ki», touted by the folks of Eliant as «important for the new vibes». Ki, and several other Kitaro records at that time, were indeed a clear break with the old flat music, opening up a world of beauty and purity. But also a little nostalgic, well expressing my frustration of living a wonderful ideal tarnished by the dark side of the Faitg. However, Kitaro has never limited himself to one movement, offering his creations to everybody. He has often worked for films, television, etc.

The movement was in fact started in 1975 by a few pioneers like Iasos, Steven Halpern, Georgia Kelly. The New Age had to go much further, in direct drive with the wave of spirituality which was going to overwhelm the world. But the media covered everything with a blanket of censorship worthy of the Soviets: I personally discovered it only in 1986, through «the colonel», our neighbor from the Faitg, who was also interested in UFOs.

Curiously the precursors seem a little forgotten today, like the delicious creations of Bearns & Dexter, which I had chosen to illustrate my Eolis novels, and totally censored since, accessible only on Youtube and really gone musics. But I also think of Deuter (Who started in Rajneesh Bagwan's pseudo-ashram, and thus he survived its deliberate destruction), William Aura, Iasos, Steven Halpern, Daniel Kobialka, Paul Horn, Constance Demby, whose fame never went beyond the milieu. On the other hand, Kitaro and Vangelis (formerly the soul of the «Aphrodite Childs») have a worldwide reputation, probably because they had started before in the media and in films, unlike the previous ones who remained with independent publishers. But the media don't like what they don't control, so they don't talk about independent publishers. Only YouTube allows us to find these creations today, but the least we can say is that Google does not advertise them.

Listening to this music therefore became an integral part of our meditations, and I worked with the wonderful vibration of William Aura (english meadow), Iasos (Angel play) or Bearns&Dexter (Golden Voyage III). From these three precisely came the inspiration for the Éolis novels, and several paintings that I did at the time, in acrylic, showing high vibration landscapes.

The early 1990s saw the end of the troubled Mitterrandism, a purge of the diabolical music, and finally a certain reconciliation: if we no longer spoke of «New Age», the ideas and the vibration were better accepted in society as a whole. Around 1990, when I finally went back from the Faitg, we began to see this music on the shelves, and new stores were riding on the need for ecology and well-being. Apparently unrelated, the French Army had blocked access to its commando formations to fascists (information heard at the time, but of which only archivists could find the source). The end of Mitterrand and the Papon trial finally marked the end of the «Algerian War» era, its «barbouzes» (shady and calamitous secret agents), its putschist generals, its faggot torturers, its SACs and other rubbish rotters of society. Then started a movement which is flourishing today: the forces of progress, instead of being blocked in a «margin» or in a «protest» of a society which tries to stifle them, these forces are now at work IN the said society, even in businesses and in finance (which blocks fossil fuels). Just a shame that politicians are still the ones holding back. But in 2020 this old bandage is also being blown off.

The Faitg: golden Age again, then iron age.

(Permalink) Written in September 2020.

All the psychiatrists will confirm it: every time you re-establish friendly relations with sociopaths, their cruelty worsens. They always mistake our friendship for consent to more violence. Just that with Viviane, she took longer to ensnare her victims. Moreover, at the time, we did not knew about sociopaths, and we had no idea that such cunning people could exist, playing the angel to make us suffer even more.

Thus, the offer of «reconciliation», as Viviane proposed in her letter, or as received by billions of abused spouses, harassed employees, victims of war or dictatorships, is always a one-way street: «forgetting the disputes» means that we, the victims, must forget her insults. «Pardon» means that the sociopath «forgives» her victims for defending themselves. «Reconciliation» means that we, the victims, must erase our resentment. «Starting over on a new footing» means that we, the victims, must abandon our projects and start again on their plans (which, in Viviane’s case, meant a chaotic path which only coherent guideline was the improvement of the buildings, that is her property).

This return to the Faitg was initially a happy one, but it inevitably deteriorated, just like the first time, only more rapidly. I finally understood that I would achieve nothing against people who systematically thwarted my activities and objectives, while making my life a living hell: remember that most visitors to Faitg only stayed some days, weeks at most. Among the few who persisted despite the disputes, a good number committed suicide. So, I must think that I had developed an exceptional resilience to Viviane's emotional abuse, Noisette's absurd outbursts of anger, and even Sylvain's hostile silences. But those three bastards made me suffer.

In fact, at that point, it was my own fault. I had been warned by a premonitory dream (a real «angel message», ha ha ha ha!). Only my attachment to this lousy scheme, fueling my self-delusion, kept me under their thumb.

From the beginning of 1986, I was thus able to start developing ideas of departure, but this time in a more thoughtful way. The only thing still holding me back was that I still did not knew where to go or what to do, especially given the threat of ending up penniless again. But at least I no longer had that terrible depression that had crippled me in 1985.

Did Viviane and Noisette sensed that they were losing their power over me? I don't know. The only thing I think is that Noisette lied about the dates, for the contraception (which is legally rape). So when Noisette got pregnant, I immediately understood what awaited me: the children would be their hostages. If I stayed, they would mistreat them, because it was the only way they had left to truly affect me. If I left, they would mistreat them, to «get revenge», without witnesses, and without having to maintain appearances. And on top of that, I would carry the stigma of child abandonment everywhere.

I don't know what their exact plan was, I suppose it was to collect the child allowance, and to do that, to make me leave. Like Viviane did with her husband, once he had finished paying off the estate. Viviane even mocked me several times: «If you are not happy here, you can leave». That swine knew perfectly well I could not do it anymore, and she would have been the first to gossip everywhere that I had abandoned the children. All three of them then diligently set about making me as miserable as possible: not a week went by without a scolding, sulking, accusations, obstacles, «crises», «urgent repairs» precisely when I was busy, and so on.

In hindsight, I realize today that when Sylvain was «stuck», it might simply have been his way of blackmailing me. But I am too frank and direct, I never got it, lol. Noisette, on the other hand, became hyper-authoritarian and quick-tempered, like many simple people who had had their ego inflated. A hellish trajectory I have seen too many people take, here or here and still followed today by many New Agers or pseudo-ecologists who «assert themselves» through criticism and opposition to others, or who inflate their egos through «personal development».

As to Noisette’s mysterious rage crisis, I think today that she thought that I knew their motive. But I am stupid, I do not see in other’s mind.

Looking back, I realize it is absolutely incredible that I was able to endure this for four years, and still manage to do beautiful or useful things. Perhaps this is the root of the difficulty I have working today. Well, we have retirement for a reason, but even with age, I find it abnormal to be suddenly knocked out with sleep at the exact moment I want to start an activity. Age has only made the problem more noticeable, I actually remember having similar episodes when I was still a student.

However, there recently appeared a specific name for this type of fatigue: decision fatigue, the sudden inability to make all the mini-decisions necessary for any activity. I think it even manifests itself in my paintings and music, through a lack of detail, an excess of symmetry, or even the recycling of motifs. There is plenty of information about this problem online. Of course, there are sociopaths who say it does not exist (naturally, they always are full of energy). However, I recently heard about a physiological cause: the accumulation of glutamate in the brain, while awake. If it is not eliminated properly, that would be what causes the problem. It remains to be seen how to relates a diet or treatment to this... The only solution I have found so far is... napping, sometimes twice a day.

One of my activities was painting. I discovered acrylics. They are better and more durable than gouache, easier to use, and offer much better colors than oil paints (if you are set on oil, but with better colors, consider alkyds). However, acrylics dries much faster, which makes the gradient technique used with oils impossible. I compensated by adding glycerin, and I think that today there are retarders available. The only major drawback of acrylics is their lack of coverage, as manufacturers consider transparency a desirable quality. As if everyone wanted to paint Impressionist! But with my more realistic style, I am looking for the opposite: a seamless, opaque layer. The background showing through the brushstrokes is then a disaster, and I had to apply up to three layers, resulting in a lumpy surface. Whereas it would have been enough to use truly opaque paints (like printing inks). And if transparency is desired, use a medium. Ideally, the best would be a paint which only hardens under UV light, for example. Then we could work with it like oil paint and expose it to UV light to fix it.

The Surmely-Eliant team recommended «special» inks for the New Age style, but in terms of transparency, it is virtually impossible to achieve a smooth and even cover with ink. To create smooth gradients, we need an airbrush, which was an expensive tool at the time. However, it is not as easy as it looks, and I had some setbacks. But at least we can use inks for gradients and shadows, with transparency becoming an advantage. At that price, I could create realistic skies (not just «effects») and shadows which gave a believable sense of depth. I also discovered that shadows can be rendered not by adding black, but, for example, by adding red to yellow, blue to green, and so on. This is how we achieve a higher vibration than with «realistic» colors. The only problem is that bright colors quickly become garish. Many then temper this with a white background, but this gives a feeling of coldness, even of incompleteness. The best approach is to harmonize everything using light colors, pastel or ethereal. This opens up several interesting techniques and styles. In fact, long before the New Age movement, the Anthroposophes proposed techniques like pastel pencils, tempera washes, etc. for the same purpose. On a computer, this can be done by applying transparency to the entire layer. If we have different layers, we can then create striking distance effects.

What I did in this way were large oval paintings on plywood, essentially depicting landscapes of the New Age: verdant, joyfully colorful, with houses, figures, and so on. The Faitg, with its many visitors, was the ideal place to display these things, and I had undertaken to cover the walls of our meditation room with paintings of idyllic landscapes.

All of this was destroyed in the catastrophe of my departure from the Faitg. Fortunately, I had made Ektachrome transparencies of my paintings, which I have since scanned, in order to put them online. I had to wait 2025 that is 35 years, for me to find at least the energy to do so, so much the people of the Faitg had drained my «New Age» energy.

The same goes for the Eolis novels, which took me 32 years to scan and translate. Working on them felt like a chore, and I never received any inspiration for the promised sequel. Was it a waste of time? Not really: many of the things I «prophetised» in those novels actually happened. It was when Yanathor connected Brigitte to the Logos of Earth... apparently, doing that in fiction works just as well as in real.

However, I have not completely abandoned painting. During my «mad of Tibet» phase, I even created several thangkas that were greatly appreciated by my Buddhist friends. But I quickly realized that a painting is a heavy and cumbersome object, which can only be seen if we have a place with a flow of visitors (This is why Tibetan thangkas are printed on rolled fabric. This allows them to be transported on the back of a yak without being damaged). Today, with digital graphic design software, we have much greater freedom in terms of styles and techniques. If we move, everything fits on a USB drive, while the internet allows us to send our images instantly anywhere in the world, to anyone who wants to see them. Well, almost: 20 years later, the enormous flood of mindless or media-driven images on the internet saturates and desensitizes almost all internet users, who no longer pay attention to what they see.

My first computer and my technical activities.

(Permalink) Written in September 2022

In 1986, even before the internet, I understood the enormous potential of computers, both for artistic creations and for various activities related to science and computer science (see my first experience, or that story about Hippies in San Francisco who bought the first second-hand computer for recreational or artistic purposes). Indeed, 1985-86 were the years of the first PCs accessible to individuals (other personal computers existed before, but they were gadgets and generally unusable for artistic purposes). IBM created the first PCs, still at high prices, around 50,000 Francs (About 7500 euros today. We were still commonly saying «five million» old Francs). Alan Sugar, head of Amstrad, had a stroke of genius: he was the first to have his machines assembled in Korea, thus bringing the price down to less than five thousand francs—still a notable sum at the time, but which finally made these machines accessible to almost everybody. And with my savings from Mont-de-Marsan, I could at last have unlimited use of one of these machines!

The PC1512 would seem pathetic today, but at the time it was a fantastic leap forward, compared to the toys that were already available (The cassette memory... horror!) or the expensive professional machines which were barely usable outside of their specific field. It was with a sense of excitement that I first inserted the system disks into the machine, heard the schlonk schlonk schlonk of the 5.25" drives, and then saw the screen light up! To my dismay, this gray-blue light was extremely harsh on the eyes, like the glare of an electric arc. I do not know how the other users tolerated it, and I have never heard of this problem with the PC1512. So I had to place a green filter in front of it, improvised with ink applied with an airbrush. At this cost, I could work for several hours while keeping the eye strain to a bearable level. And this green was much more pleasant than the initial gray-blue! Today, I still often use a green screen for word processing.

The eye strain from the screen has been a constant problem for computer programmers, despite the frequent silence on this subject (for example, on the libertarian Wikipedia, which only has a vague and short page on it). In the case of the PC1512, I suspected the presence of ultraviolet light, a supposition which seems confirmed by the effectiveness of my green filter. Cathode ray tube (CRT) screens were notoriously tiring, with specialized websites offering various explanations such as flicker, but I still suspect UV radiation. Liquid crystals, and then LEDs, reduced the problem, without truly eliminating it. The best preventative measures with today's LED screens are to avoid reflections and intense light, to use sufficiently large fonts, and above all, to blink more often (otherwise our eyes will dry out) or even take breaks of some minutes. My doctor recommended Lacryfluid «artificial tears», which really help. But we have to make a conscious effort to use them, before becoming uncomfortable.

The PC1512 was a complete disappointment for a graphic designer: Gem Paint only had eight shades of gray, with enormous rectangular pixels, that I called brixels. I quickly gave up on it. The manufacturers had to understand the problem, because as soon as the next version color was available. But we would not have decent drawing software until Paint Shop Pro around 1998.

On the other hand, the Gem Write word processor exceeded my requirements: the ability to go anywhere in the text to modify it. I had considered special keys for navigating the text, but the cursor and mouse did that much better. In fact, I have always heavily revised my texts, starting from a draft, expanding it, correcting details, changing the order, and even rewriting entire sections. I had tried a roll of paper, where I could add paragraphs using scissors and tape (like Proust, or Balzac, I am not sure whom). But the cumbersome nature of that system meant I never adopted it. Computer word processors do the same thing, but instantly, without the overhead.

So I made extensive use of the computer to write the novels of the Eolis, early drafts of «General Epistemology», and also for the Faitg bulletin. Of course, Viviane wrote articles, sometimes the visitors too. But I wrote some of my own, and I had to type all of Viviane's and the others' texts on the computer. Before computers, we typed on typewriters and used a mimeograph machine, which was not very pretty. We even had a vacuum tube stencil machine. I have never seen a transistorized one, that method being so obsolete. After 1986, with the computer, we had a daisy-wheel typewriter which also functioned as a printer, and we used a photocopier to do our bulletins with it. The result was almost professional, with drawings and all.

The operating system was MS-DOS, with Gem for the graphical interface. Something rather unfortunate happened here: IBM, seeing the success of Gem running on its machines, wanted to adopt it for their own sales. But when they showed up at Gem's offices, they were met by an employee who did not liked IBM. So they switched to another, less capable operating system... Thus, only some months after buying my machine, I learned that «Gem is finished» and that I had to work with «windoo» (Windows, pronounced by my supplier). This was one of the worst missed opportunities in computing history, because Gem was much better than «windou», and it is unlikely that they would have developed the arrogant childishness and ineradicable bugs of the latter.

I point out here that Gem Write, MSDOS, and the Gem graphical interface all fit on a single 360KB floppy disk. Sure, word processors today are much more powerful, with fonts, styles, images, and so on. But they aren't 200,000 times more powerful, to require 200,000 times more hard drive space (and take as long to load as in the days of the schlonk schlonk schlonk).

Gem also included a database, which I used for the bulletins subscribers. Viviane always carefully pretended not to understand what I was doing, but when I announced I was leaving, she immediately asked me to print the contents of the said database.

However, the part which interested me the most was a programming language, GW BASIC. Well, everything was new, and I did not yet knew that GW BASIC would be short-lived, unlike seemingly indestructible languages like the C. So I ran several experiments and simulations with GW BASIC, which had graphics capabilities and access to the machine's hardware. However, it was not structured, and unstructured software quickly becomes «spaghetti code» if we do not organize it properly. Fortunately, we could assign arbitrary numbers to the lines, so I organized them into groups of one hundred in increments of ten, which fit on a single screen. This allowed me to add lines to these groups. I only moved from one group to another using branching or subroutines, and this structured the program.

Since of course the character codes for Gem Write and those of our daisy-wheel printer did not matched, I created a small program in GW BASIC which read the Gem files and sent the appropriate codes to the printer. I even added a text justification function, which Gem Write lacked! Back then, everyone was still using fixed-width fonts. I even programmed a beep, prompting the user to manually switch the daisy wheel to the italics! Today, all of this is taken for granted, and we send a file containing all sorts of fonts and graphics to the printer without having to adjust anything manually. This just shows the fantastic effort of standardization and compatibility which was required to get to this point.

But the Internet revolution was already underway, and in France, it had took a local form: the Minitel. It was the first system capable of displaying text and graphics locally, sent from a server via a telephone line, thanks to an integrated modem. Even better, the terminals (Minitels) were distributed free of charge! But internet standards like HTML and HTTP were not yet firmly established, so the Minitel used its own system: videotext, displaying basic text and graphics using special characters, as with the ASCII code, more hyperlinks.

At that time, we at the Faitg were in the middle of a discussion about «labels», like the organic food label or the «six fingers of the hand» of the Réseaux Espérance (Hope Networks). After seeing all these dubious groups like Findhorn, Mélendre, Givaudan, etc., who claimed to be spiritual while fighting vegetarians, we felt the need for a label or directory to differentiate the legitimate groups from the many fake ones. The Minitel allowed for this project! This is how I built a server modem, and I started developing software for the server. The basic modules worked, and I could send messages to our Minitel and read them. I had even created a page editor, all that remained was to create the content itself. I think this complex undertaking contributed to me being later hired as an electronics technician, despite nine years without professional activities.

But it was at this point that the abuses on my children began to escalate to an unacceptable level, and so I was forced to report to the authorities. This forced me to leave the Faitg and try to get them out. Everything remained unfinished in my equally unfinished «lab». Years later, it was still there. No one wants to resume such activity in such a hostile environment as the Faitg...

The Minitel was too far from the Internet standards, and the rise of the Internet itself killed it. It also had a very poor business model: pay-per-call, which severely hampered usage. This prevented its adoption by businesses, limiting it to directories and pornographic sites. Today, almost all websites are free access, financed either by patrons or by the activity they generate. What truly made the internet widely adopted was the fixed cost of the connection, regardless of the number of calls. We were then no longer forced to restrict our online activities! Today, everybody is constantly connected, listening to music, checking sources, reading websites, and so on.

The decline of the New Age movement in the 1990s, and my work at EREMS, pushed the directory project into the background. However, I did not abandoned it, and today it has taken the form of a resources page on my website, shedrupling.org, a project that I started in 1998 when internet indexing was still problematic. Today, the search engines have diminished the usefulness of this page, by allowing anyone to find what they are looking for anywhere on the internet. Moreover, there are now tens of thousands of such resources, which far exceeds my capacity (each one needs to be evaluated, and above all, regularly checked to ensure the links do not become problematic). The only pages I maintain are those on music and parapsychology. However, now that useful website indexes are slipping behind those of internet-polluting advertising sites, this page is once again becoming a key resource. It is just that... internet users are also repeating their sadomasochistic submission to the media with the internet, contenting themselves with consulting a few ideologically controlled «social networks» and neglecting the fantastic diversity of the web.

Other experiments in my «lab» at the Faitg involved trying to see if cellulose could be broken down into sugar, then into alcohol, to make fuel. However, I was not equipped for this, due to a lack of resources, and I had to stop long before obtaining results. Today, this process is used industrially to produce E85 gasoline. If I lacked the resources, at least I had the right ideas! And if people had listened to me back then, we would all be using E85 today, instead of dealing with climate change, heat waves, fires, floods, and so on. All these things are not consequences of CO2, but of the stupidity of those who don't listen to competent people.

I was also interested in the Schumann Resonances. We know today that they are only weak electrical phenomena, but in the New Age movement, impregnated with conceptions like the etheric body and biofeedback, they were attributed influences on the mind: didn't they have the same frequencies as the electroencephalogram? In short, Schumann Resonances seemed magical, a manifestation of the collective consciousness. See, emitting waves at these frequencies even appeared as a way to synchronize individual consciousnesses into a collective harmony! (This idea is at the root of the HAARP conspirationnism.) At the very least, I thought a Schumann resonance receiver might reveal some interesting phenomena, and I started building an uninterruptible power supply. All of this was abruptly halted by my departure from the Faitg. But strangely enough, I was to work on Schumann resonances again some years later, but not of Earth: of Titan! Earth's resonances show activity peaks matching the luminous phenomena observed above storm clouds, oddly called Elves. Titan's resonances, well, we don't know what activates them. We shall have to go back there.

I was also interested in PK reception via electrical circuits (Instrumental Transcommunication). This is the voice phenomenon that we sometimes hear in white noise. In fact, most of these voices are explained by «false positives» from our neural circuits trying to perceive something in the chaos of the white noise. Some people, however, see it as a parapsychological phenomenon, where a consciousness manifests itself by influencing a random generator. To test this hypothesis, I built an electronic device which produced white noise. However, to favor a potentially useful signal, I added comparators for detecting a change in variance instead of the mean. Indeed, changing the mean requires energy, which is more difficult than changing the variance. Verifying that some receptions were of parapsychological origin would have required considerable work. But I was discouraged by the constant interruptions and disputes, and when I left, everything stalled before I obtained any results whatsoever.

However, some years later, the PEAR experiment at Princeton University demonstrated the existence, if not of messages, at least of a diffuse PK effects, using a massive statistical database. The study was even precise enough to detect differences between the sexes of the operators and between the types of random number generators. And, indeed, as I had suspected, only true analog generators produce the effect, not the fake digital ones. On the other hand, the effect is the same for mechanical, hydraulic, electronic, or a single quantum interaction generators. The «Global Consciousness Project» at the Princeton University also demonstrated the same phenomenon.

When I left the Faitg, I naturally took my PC1512 computer with me, which remained a faithful companion until around 1997. It was still working perfectly when 5.25” floppy drives disappeared. I had to scramble to transfer my novels from the Eolis, my fledgling directory, and my drafts of General Epistemology to 3.5” drives. I ended up doing this at EREMS, even though I was no longer employed there. It was a cool company.

Later, advances in computers forced me several times to replace them. Luckily, prices did not followed the inflation!

My first color CRT monitor died a natural death. At times, the screen would go completely white. A little desperate about this elusive malfunction which suddenly made work impossible, I began meditating to try and figure out what was causing it. I had a vision of a thick brown wire going to the video card. Disassembling the monitor, I found the wire! And there was a dry solder joint at the base! (Warning: the electric charge in a cathode ray tube is enough to kill anybody, even after months offline. If you are not knowledgeable and trained as I was, abstain!). A feat I however was never able to repeat. There was another loose connection somewhere, in one of the color circuits, which sometimes caused the colors to be distorted. But I could not locate it; perhaps it was inside the cathode ray tube itself. In any case, LED screens were replacing cathode ray tubes, which were not worth repairing anymore.

My next computer was a standard Acer. I do not recommend this brand. The graphics card was terrible, and the parts wore out in two or three years: the screen was worn out, and the audio connectors stopped working. Worse, the customer service did nothing but reformat the hard drive without even looking into the problem, threatening to keep the computer if I sent it back a third time. So, goodbye Acer.

So I got the habit of having my computer assembled by a professional technician. At first glance, it is significantly more expensive than buying a new one. But at least you get what you need, and it is ultimately more economical: if a part breaks down or is obsolete, we only need to replace that part! For example, on my current computer, I have successively had the motherboard replaced (after a short circuit), upgraded the RAM, and, most importantly, replaced the hard drives with SSDs. I also have a powerful graphics card, which is very useful for my virtual work. All what remains of the original machine is the box!

The fauna of the anti-society people

(Permalink) Written in June 2019.

I described some bizarroidal groups earlier. But individual visitors also brought their share of pathological cases. The most serious incident supposedly occurred in summer 1985, when I was away. Violent individuals, borderline delinquent, allegedly left while stealing all our Super 8 film equipment, after terrorizing the community for a month. It is understandable that they were keen to keep the film of Noisette kneading the bread topless: oh, that was moving! (This film had no erotic intent; it was a naturist scene. However, pornography is also in the eyes of pornopaths.)

A common occurrence was starting with a letter announcing that someone was coming. It was often some center for psychologically disturbed people, or a rehabilitation center for delinquents, getting rid of some irredeemable idiot. What some call «rehabilitation». They did not asked for our consent: they simply told us that so-and-so was arriving on such-and-such date, without providing a return address to refuse. It seems to be a fairly common practice, I also saw it at the Temple of a Thousand Buddhas, and Lerab Ling had a rule stating «We are not equipped to receive psychiatric patients». As if it was needed to be said.

These attempts to foist irredeemable wackos on us felt like guided missiles launched at us, which we had to try to shoot down before impact. In the most serious case, a violent criminal on parole, they told us, «The Serralongue town hall agrees». Furious phone call from the mayor some minutes later: him, they had told him that it was us who agreed! Fortunately, he had the legal power to block this particular attempt, but in most other cases, we had to take these people in, care for them, feed them, endure their stench and violence, and, after realizing they were indeed beyond redemption, try to get rid of them. This took anywhere from some days to a month, during which our wonderful ideal seemed very far away...

But the strangest thing is that in these situation, Viviane was playing a dubious role, urging us to be «patient», even encouraging these people to stay! For individuals who had already exhausted the patience of their psychiatrists, this was madness, and it cost us a lot of work, suffering, and friends. At the time, I had no idea why Viviane was behaving this way. But sociopathy explains it very well: it perpetuated situations of turmoil and suffering, while simultaneously presenting her as an example of non-violence and patience. And she made us feel guilty for not being able to tolerate these visitors!

On one occasion, however, it was Sylvain who had insisted on inviting a weirdo over, on the grounds that he had written a «poetical» letter. As you might expect so much, the moment he arrived, the bloke slumped into an armchair with a smug, bewildered look on his face, waving his hands at us and saying he was «sending us good vibes». He made a hell of our lives for a month, disrupting all our activities. A common problem with madmen is that they fail to distinguish between a disagreement and an attack: this one would strike capoeira poses at the slightest verbal contradiction, threatening to kick us in the face. Two minutes later he would be «all nice» again, seemingly having forgotten the incident. Then one day he left without we knew why either (I am not sure, but I may have told him that his center was coming to pick him up, to lock him again). The most serious aspect of the whole affair is that someone taught a dangerous martial art to a mentally ill person likely to use it without provocation against unsuspecting people. It should be well understood that martial arts or commando training are not «therapies» or «rehabilitation», but dangerous combat techniques which should not be placed in anybody’s hands.

Among the «psychiatrically normal» visitors, we also encountered a fine collection of assorted idiots and clumsy blokes. Naturally, people incapable of integrating into mainstream society go for any «alternative» society, imagining they will be exempt from any effort at communal living. Or, they are «normal» and «integrated» people, who decompensate when they arrive in a place they consider «outside of society». These people then assume that in alternative places, no rules apply. They do whatever they want and call us fascists when we correct them. It is a very common problem, I have seen it in all sorts of places, even without any alternative pretenses, like in Buddhist centers, or even in companies.

To tell at which point some are disconnected, I once had to ask a woman to leave the bathroom, which she considered as a living room. She started complaining, to which I replied, «I need to wash my dick», which finally got her to leave. And even then, she was not happy. What a mess! You are laughing, but at the time, we were pretty pissed off.

There was this guy I had contacted through the directory of the Réseaux Espérance (Hope Networks), because he was also interested in electronics. Great deal, we were finally going to be able to make regulators for wind turbines, solar panels, and so on. But as soon as I started talking about organizing our work, he replied that he «did not wanted a new catechism». Well, it is clear that he was in the Networks only to «assert an identity», not to do anything useful.

The Réseaux Espérance had generated a lot of enthusiasm and hope at the time, because of their mission to connect all the initiatives and skills to build a better world. But you can barely find any mention of them on the Internet today. There still is a Réseaux Espérance website, but the directory itself is gone! Obviously, given that most of these groups have failed, like the Faitg, or have remained at the level of mere declarations, nobody tries to connect them anymore. And still another problem arises: social activists are not ecologists, ecologists are not spiritual, spiritual people are not scientific, scientists are not vegan, etc. With such a collection of ridiculous and destructive divisions, we are clearly not yet at a point where all these initiatives can work together, let alone offer a social and economic fabric allowing us to live independently of the traditional system.

Added in 2023: Another electronics technician was nice, but weird. He brought me loads of equipment I did not needed, to the point that I had to ask him to make sure he was not stealing it. For long, as a good ecologist, I tried to salvage any electronic equipment I could get my hands on, even going so far as to unsolder components from their circuit boards. I finally realized that it was more work or expense than buying them new, for degraded equipment that I never had the chance to use. Getting back to this guy, he had had a nasty experience, which he could not blame anyone but himself. Thrilled to have got his first job and first paycheck, he had bought a brand-new car on credit. But he had not insured it! And he just went on vacation, like that. He ran off the road after only some hundreds kilometers, completely wrecking his car. And without insurance, he still had to pay off the loan for a car he had barely used. Still he was complaining, I told him he should consider himself lucky he had not hurt anyone: he would have ended up having to pay alimony for the rest of his life. Personally, I have comprehensive insurance. I can afford it despite my low income, thanks to a small car and a top-notch no-claims bonus.

Then there was Martial, a guy who claimed to have «stayed at the Ark of Lanza del Vasto». Understand: he must have been kicked out, because, while claiming to be non-violent, he practiced a form of exhausting moral violence, opposing everything and nothing, and always doing things his own way without ever making the slightest concession. Apparently, he understood the non-violence of the Ark as a kind of duel between wills, instead of a way to make decisions without confrontation. I think he was the most stubbornly obtuse guy I have ever met. His marks at the site: our cement mixer dented because beating it with a stick was the only way he had found to clean it, and holes in the slab I poured in the basement under the bathroom: he had fixed my leveling rules with... plaster!

Plus another idiot punk with big buttocks who had fun galloping all over the same site, risking messing up the rules or crushing the pipes I had laid. He was at the Faitg «to be in a cult»: as society opposes cults, he had concluded that cults were a good thing! It surely was, if we consider that he had no need to pay neither his food not his bedding. This «questioning of society» sometimes leads to strange extremes: he criticized me for the «ten and ten» position of my hands on the steering wheel, and I saw him holding the wheel... with his foot. Viviane trusted him, but after something like that, I never drove with him again.

Martial, like all the ignorant people, was furious to see me organizing the work, since he was incapable of doing it himself. He then called me a «German engineer», which rather pleased me! This refusal to organize work rationally, or simply to follow the advice of competent people, has been a constant in all the «alternative» circles I have frequented. The result was always shoddy, incomplete, half-baked, even dangerous work.

A kind but not-so-bright fellow, whose name I don’t remember, seeing the factory-party scene in my Eolis comic, exclaimed, «Watch out for the exploitation»! He had understood that it is work in itself which is exploitation. He certainly was not there to build anything, that one, ha ha ha ha!

A rare specimen, I do not remember his name, thought that being a vegetarian gave him good genes! He offered to get Noisette pregnant and keep the child with him, to «raise him properly». The cruel way he treated his own daughter was not the least reason to say no! Luckily, my genes are cool, many other men would have beaten his up.

Like many in the countryside, we repaired our van ourselves, as best we could. I had even gone so far as to disassemble a brake cylinder. This requires a specific procedure: purging the hydraulic system. It is explained how to do in the manuals; you just need to be able to read, have a brain, and hands. I must fit that description, because the brakes were working again. However, I don't remember the details, but we had to go back to that cylinder. This time, it was Sylvain and another guy who had to purge the system. A guy who called himself a mechanic. And they started disputing about how to do it, instead of reading the manual.

Two days.

It took them two days to flush that damn circuit. Yes, two days, during which I carefully kept my distance, so as not to be drawn into their dispute. And they were careful not to ask me how I had done it, to preserve their pride. Ah, the ego!

When he came the first time, this guy seemed approximately normal. But when he came a second time, he had become a big, whiny slug, spreading negative vibes in his wake like a flock of sheep scatters droppings. He spent his days locked in his room. We had to tell him to leave, especially after he pulled the chamber pot stunt on us:

Ah, the chamber pot skits. Our eco-friendly toilet was outside, a setup I don't recommend: in the icy winters and snowstorms of the Upper Vallespir, relieving ourselves at night became a perilous expedition. If you do try it, place it somewhere easily accessible while still being sheltered. Some people used chamber pots instead, a relic from old country houses. Viviane even had a collection of those, enameled like the ones we could still find in the 1950s. I remember using them as a child in Erloy, and after all this time I could still recognize the sound of an enameled metal chamber pot, the lid, and even the little creak of the handle. But nowadays, if you have guests, banish these instruments from hell: we had several visitors who... never emptied them! The stench would then overflow from their rooms, filling the hallways and the entire farmhouse. Great for welcoming new guests! And every time we asked them to just empty the bins, they would get furious at this infringement on their freedom! The stench only stopped when they were evicted.

When I say «fauna», I mean it indeed smelled like a menagerie, lol.

I remember a nutter who, just as we were starting a meditation session, nicked my glasses. When we have a poor eyesight, our glasses are, in a way, our eyes, so nobody takes it lightly when they are taken away, and all the less when they are returned greasy or misaligned. And that is not exactly the best way to start a meditation session either. Fortunately, that bloke left the next day, without attempting to stick around in the community. He was with two other people, who had the heart to take him with them. Probably he was their pet nutter, or their emotional support idiot.

A constant in places where people do whatever they want is that the work is always badly done. And when I say badly, this is an understatement: a tradesperson working like that would go to jail. Some of the shoddy workmanship is even very serious, like this chimney pipe I found... made of wood!!

And the Faitg was not the only one. I remember a book about a community which was saying that «the laundry room bore the traces of multiple attempts to install a washing machine». Well, why is it so difficult in a community, when anyone else manages to do this without a problem?

Noisette was an expert on the subject. Although she knew absolutely nothing about it, she often took peremptory positions on technical details. For example, once, I ordered a stainless steel stovepipe for a heat recovery unit on the outlet of a large wood-burning stove. The kind of serious piece of equipment, which must not burn or leak carbon monoxide. But I realized she had changed the order to aluminum! A dangerous defective workmanship, then. Luckily, I was able to correct the error in time, but for her, aluminum was «a kind of iron», and she refused to understand that metals have different properties. If it were not for the children hostages, I would have left immediately.

When came the time to pour the concrete slab above my future lab, I had inquired at the masonry supply store (Corcoy in Arles-sur-Tech) about how to do it (block sizes, etc.) and ordered the cement. After a day of work, I went back downstairs to find this cement barely touched! It was Noisette, operating the cement mixer, who had used old, stale cement, or even... mortar, to... save on cement! And so, I created a beautiful defective workmanship, with my own hands, with a fragile slab which started cracking just three days later...

That was not the only problem: Noisette insisted the concrete had to be «liquid», because, according to her, it can be «smoothed out more easily». Wrong, as anyone can try. But the day was spent disputing and arguing, her and two other blokes constantly objecting to the normal consistency. It was utterly ridiculous, and totally at the opposite of the cheerful, stimulating activity Viviane advocated! Yet it was her who insisted to keep these idiots at the Faitg, discretely stirring the disputes, and her also who had turned Noisette against me from the very start.

A simple method for smoothing a floor is to apply a layer of almost pure cement slurry. Of course, there is a way to do so, to make it work. I did that several times, successfully (but I shall not do this again: such a ground is hard to sweep up). But Noisette wanted to do it herself. Fine, but after she just went away, despite the floor needing to be kept wet for several days for the cement to cure, using a garden mist sprayer. But not with Noisette, who thought that cement «dries» like paint. I did explain to her that cement setting is a chemical reaction which takes place in water, but she did not wanted to hear anything about chemistry. As a result, the next day, all her cement had returned back into dust. She never admitted her mistake.

I mentioned earlier that I had redone all the tiled roofs of the chapel and the neighboring building. Of course, they helped me, but only after making me pay with much dispute, or Viviane had to go to wake up Sylvain who pretended to be «blocked». I started by installing a layer of tar paper to stop the tiles from leaking (They always move, especially with the storms). I had to throw away some of the old tiles, which were either poorly fired or too warped. I needed new tiles, and I mixed them in with the old ones without any particular order. The result was a beautifully mottled roof! And one that could last for decades. However, later, looking on Google Earth, I saw that they had put a large blue tarp over part of the roof. I suppose it was to prevent leaks, as the wind had still moved the tiles. But apparently, they did not knew how a roof works: the water must have run off under the tarpaulin, and the roof would still leak. Moreover, during the first storm (several times a year, including at least one severe one), the wind must have ripped the tarpaulin off with a force of hundreds of kilograms, taking quite a few tiles with it. As a result, the most recent aerial views show the roof completely renovated, with plain pink tiles in the purest housing estate style, clashing with the surroundings. A completely unnecessary project, which must have cost a pretty lot of money. When one has no head, and that one chased out the capable people, then one needs money to pay for one’s blunders. Or maybe they redid my roof as a revenge against me, who knows? In any case, the contractor made a good profit. But who paid, I have no idea. Apparently, they still have supporters. With shareholders in the front national, anything is possible.

The arrogance of these blokes knows no bounds. But the one who certainly had the most nerve was Mango (a nickname?). I never met the man personally, but he must have spent a year or two at Le Faitg while my children were under house arrest there. My children hated him, saying that he had appointed himself nothing less than their father, claiming to educate them! Naturally, he did this without ever asking for my opinion or inquiring about the circumstances that had led me to leave without my children. And apparently, judging by how the children spoke of him, he simply spouted his ideology at them, much like the sadomasochistic «educators» of the 1950's, recycled New Age, all while offering them no emotional support whatsoever. I have few details, but his time at the Faitg left behind a completely useless raw concrete staircase, lacking any railing or safety features, right where I had planned to set up a second workshop. But well, you will not be surprised that I no longer have any plans for that barn.

Among the visitors, the most pathological case was the «Yoga group», centered around the «Yoga teacher». They were apparently nice enough, but their «yoga» was very peculiar: meeting at two in the morning, shouting to «release their negative energies»! So much so that some alarmed neighbors wanted to call the police. These practices, besides being ridiculous, are actually very dangerous, because we do not «release» anything at all: on the contrary, we create these so-called negative energies! So, obviously, the more these people shouted, the more «negative energies» they had to purify...

One guy in their group offered us a mantra, «Sat Ah Na Ma». Impressive, very Hindu. Except that if we listen differently, we hear «ma satana». I went out...

Having twenty people doing whatever they want is not easy to manage. Viviane swore she would not accept them again... but she took them on again the following year. I have always been amazed by this attitude, which she displayed several times. Today, knowing sociopaths better, I understand that contradicting us was part of her harassment, in order to maintain a source of suffering, a conflicting atmosphere, all while posing herself as a great sage far above our angers and frustrations. (The leftists were doing the same thing, with accusing us of being «cops» or «racists» when we were speaking of ejecting troublesome people)

I remember one of those guys pontificating that the inhabitants of Oradour-sur-Glane had «deserved» their fate, because some days earlier, members of the Resistance had thrown a grenade into one of the occupiers' rooms. Hence the danger of associating with these kinds of self-proclaimed groups: there is sometimes very little difference between a nicey little cultish delirium and a violent criminal group. And the Faitg was no exception, as we shall see later.

But the prize for sheer boorishness goes by far to Roger Kuhn, a guy who had bought a property near Marcevol, the mortgage on which his partner Raymonde paid with her earnings as a high school teacher and yoga instructor (a real one, her). Then, just as she had finished paying it off, he ran off with a Swedish woman, a little brat who hated me the moment she saw me, I never knew why. I still feel sorry for Raymonde, who was a good woman and did not deserved to be doubly swindled in such a despicable way.

Another woman in Roger's group was an avowed sexist fascist who also hated me, even though I had never said a word to her. I cannot remember her name, but I do remember that she had created a pseudo-medicine called «Luminescence» (a portmanteau of «luminescence» and «naissance», birth) where she allowed herself to speak to midwives as if she was their superior, despite having no training whatsoever. And no respect for the parents. I saw her in action during the birth of my own son, we shall see that later.

This is how so many sincere groups died, exhausted and muddled by all sort of cranks who exploited the freedom they offered.

The hunters

(Permalink) Added in June 2026

You may think, hunters are not «against the society». On the contrary, I say they are, since polls show that a large majority of people oppose hunting. But very few know this, since the media never mention these polls, and the politicians sever tell us this fact. On the contrary they offer exorbitant privileges to the hunters, like using lands they do not own, for their sadistic games, or perverting whole ecosystems, as we are to see.

In Serralongue, there were two pubs, the hunters and the normal people. Although I never heard of actual disputes or incidents, apparently their vibes were too different for them to live in the same place.

In most places in the french countryside, by law land owners cannot oppose hunters coming on our lands, sneer at us, stare at us, and even implicitly threaten us with their weapons. We constantly had this problem in the Boniort, with sometimes open threats, killing of our hens and ducks, and even lead shots in our walls. If we had had that in the Faitg, we would have been unable to have birds and animals, we would not have been allowed to do naturism without them coming to stare with their porn chuckles, we would not have been able to meditate in nature. We would instead have to bear the hostile looks and dark vibes of these killers. We would even had to avoid wandering in the forest, by fear of a «hunting accident» (In France, an easy cover for an assassination without witnesses)

Happily the Faitg was in a «hunting reservation», which made it free of the hunters themselves. Despite that, they still managed to severely impact some of our activities. Indeed, when they pretend to do ecology like regulating animal populations, in reality they release farmed animals, easy to approach, to hunt them as in a fair shooting stand. So, each year when the hunting time came, they released animals in the surrounding lands, which were all killed two weeks later. This happened nearby each year I was there, I remember pheasants coming just at our door, boars, rabbits, does, and probably others. The problem is that each year we had to redo the fencing of our gardens, which is quite a work, and even to abandon some of them. This is how they were destroying our work in the Faitg, without even needing to actually be present.

It makes a bad feeling, that law openly protects these people.

On the contrary we never had problem with the real wild animals.

The Faitg of the Birds

(Permalink) Added in April 2026

As I say higher, there also were very beautiful things in the Faitg. This is why I cannot globally reject the whole experience and all the associated ideas.

Living in pure nature is a fantastic experience. I think it was this beauty which contributed the most to making me stay despite the strife and madness: returning to the town in the noise and gray world seemed to me an insurmountable ordeal, almost like returning to prison. Bearing Viviane and Noisette was simply a lesser evil.

Well, we should not idealize nature, it is not always pleasant: there is the cold, the heat, and sometimes dangerous animals. In winter, with the wind, the leafless ash forest produced a metallic whine much like an iddling jet engine. The roaring winds of the Tramontane shook the solid stone tower where I slept with Noisette. We were twice cut off from the world by one meter of snow, and once without water by freezing at -15°C (fortunately the polyethylene pipes did not burst). The heating also required to daily move heavy sawdust buckets. But all that was nothing compared to the town, and very little to pay for the experience which follows:

The most sensual memory was the singing of the birds in the morning. It started with faint chirping, almost unreal, with the very first lights of dawn. Then the birds rose, species by species, in a growing symphony, accompanying the rising of the light. Culminating with the gold of the rising sun, the blackbirds’ melodious songs brought the excitement to its fullest, with a vibe of light, alacrity, fresh air and happiness. It was time to start some wonderful activity in the sun!

It was really strong, and I have never really seen or found that anywhere else. Well, we hear birds everywhere, you will say. And even blackbirds. But not so much, or polluted by noise. At the Faitg, in the purity of nature, it was remarkable, very strong, and very pure. We did not needed double glazing or ear plugs to hide the ugliness, so that beauty was flowing freely into our rooms. Even with me who often had trouble getting up, the birds would literally drag me out of the bed. For me, the ambient of the morning and birds remained associated with words like «aube», «aurore», «early», «morgen früh» «english meadow». This is something that intellect-only people can absolutely not grasp at.

Of course, we set up feeders right on our balcony, which attracted many visitors from nearby: blackbirds, blue tits, great tits, nuthatches, a robin, and a wren. These last two birds are quite tame, seeming to recognize us and even to communicate with us. Bullfinches would come to peck at the cherry blossoms, but apparently that did not stopped the cherries from growing. Further out in nature were woodpeckers, cuckoos, and jays.

Once, a woodpecker used a chickadee nest box as a pair of castanets! The chickadees probably did not appreciated this noisy upper neighbor. I had to climb the tree and put an aluminum sheet on the roof of the nest box, before this weirdo completely demolished it. There were chicks in the nest, and on that occasion I witnessed a rare sight: birds crying! Indeed, the parents, seeing me touch their nest, were fluttering around, chirping in a really sad way. This is why, as soon as I had finished my work, I removed the ladder and did not let anyone else climb up to look. The parents returned, and everything went back to normal.

Something truly wonderful happened when I created this scene of the Eolis bonding with doves: how do you think I was able to draw all the subtle details of their plumage so precisely? Back then, there was no internet to look up for photos. But we had real doves! They were so tame that I could hold one on my left index finger while drawing her with my right hand. All of this went on for dozens of minutes, with the window open, and the dove did not even tried to fly away! It was more than trust: it was a magical moment.

When I arrived in the Faitg, there was a white female duck. She often quacked, and we did not knew if it was out of sadness or loneliness. But one day, a guy brought another duck, also white. They looked at each other and started pecking at each other! We did not knew if it was out of anger or joy, but it soon became clear that they were very happy to be together. So I built them a bigger pond, where they spent the day playing, splashing water, and even diving under each other. That came to an end due to one of the Faitg’s many shoddy jobs: the roof of their hut was held up by just a single nail, and the wind eventually pulled it off. This allowed a weasel to get into the hut, killing one and injuring the other. Since we were going into town that day, we took the survivor «to the park» in Perpignan (San Vicens?), where there were other ducks. The welcome committee quickly took her in charge, ha ha ha ha!

The eye too had its share of beauty, with the fantastic landscape of the Canigou, snowy until July, a lot of flowers that we cultivated around the house, and the pastel colors we painted the rooms. The Faitg was not a random farm, it was a very special place, a rare jewel even in the wild. The perfect setting for its stated vision of a better world!

Another wonder was the very strong feeling of freedom of being naked in nature. An undie is not a big deal you will say. Yet removing it changes everything. In fact, it is not innocent: far from only hiding a part of the body, It actually denies all our sensuality. To wear one is therefore to accept all the false anti-happiness «social conventions». I do not really consider myself free anywhere unless we can be naked there. A country is genuinely free and democratic only if it allows for naturism, at least in some places.

I tried several times to transmit this fairy atmosphere, for example in the world of the Eolis. But nothing really replaces living it. I tried once to make a music «Angelus», but at that time the music composition software was not yet working. For example I used to write a command to position the sound into a MIDI channel, but it also moved it in all the others! Facing such a radically destructive bug, I gave up.

So the birdsong in the morning? I have done with this as with many other losses: rather than clinging to illusory conditions (like this Faitg which cost me so much), I prefer to devote myself to my spiritual evolution, in certainly imperfect conditions, but at least without anybody to deliberately destroy my work. As such, even if I still have to face miserable conditions for some more years, at least I know what my paradise will look like.

And if you want to have a beautiful one too, you know what you have to do.

The Eolis

(Permalink) Written in April 2026

Interestingly, the idea of making a comic illustrating our ideals came from Sylvain, who sometimes had access of normalcy which made him interesting. He had bought from the Domaines an old American offset press, to print our newsletter. We had managed to get it working again, although it was a struggle all the way: the printing moved several millimeters from one page to another, which prohibited any polychromy. We were never able to solve this bug, probably due to the paper feed roller which was blunted. Making the plates was not easy either, and some commercial processes just did not worked. One day, tired of these bugs and this complexity, he sold the press, and we made the newsletter with a daisy printer and a photocopier, at the time the first xerographic machines at an affordable price. Which gave our publications an almost professional look, in any case much better than the mimeograph of the beginning. And without the anguish of missing the complex offset operations or spending hours cleaning the rollers.

Viviane, her, pretended to see small entities, expressions of the poetry of places (I do not give her vocabulary). These evanescent beings were humanoid, with flower petals around their heads, and of course totally asexual! To be sure they had nothing between their legs, she had imagined them without legs!

These small beings were still an idea to dig up. But I definitely preferred to make more concrete characters, more approachable or Humans. And in couples, even if I was not planning to evoke sexuality. Petals growing around their head would have been way too vivianesque (I think I was unconsciously wary of her from the beginning). The simple idea was to make them a hat with a dried flower, of a kind of everlasting flower. So they did have petals around the head! And it was charming, at least. With a humor of which Viviane was quite incapable, as of having them sewn by «hat workers» (a french expression for mad men)

A strong inspiration came from the New Age music I would discover with the Colonel. The name «Eolis» evokes (it is written in the novel) a creature who comes from infinity, sits, lives, and departs again towards infinity. I may have been influenced by the name «Aeoliah» of a New Age musician and painter, still active today, and who also paints in pure colors. But it was rather The Golden Voyage 3, by Bearns & Dexter, which inspired me for the fantastic vibe of the first comic. Bearns & Dexter stopped publishing in the 1980s, without we knew why at the time: the end of the New Age around 1990 had cut off the flow of information about its members. Around 2000, my searches to find them came up empty. It was not until around 2020 that a story started to spread with the Internet: they would have been a gay couple, happily frequenting clubs for multiple encounters. Which would have placed them among the first victims of AIDS, which appeared at the time. A terrible end, for such sensitive artists. But which would have in a way sanctified their music, making them martyrs for freedom.

Well, I am a little wary, the story might be apocryphal, I remember hearing that Simon and Garfunkel were also a gay couple. Does everybody really have to be?

I already had made small comics before, but too leftist, so I had destroyed everything, except for a rather ecological one. But this time, no more charlie hebdo style, right on the contrary poetry and flowers!

At the time we were still finding a lot of rotrings, Chinese ink pens normally dedicated to industrial drawing, which are used on tracing paper. This support can easily be scratched in case of a mistake, without going fluffy like ordinary paper does. So I used this technique that I mastered well, following my work in the Aérospatiale. Seeing that I was doing well, I even later used mylar, even better than tracing paper. Ideally, a comic in charge of conveying good vibes should be in colors. But at the time, unless a publisher cared, it was impossible. (Confirmed in the 1990s, when all the publishers in France rejected me. Are you surprised that they reject awakening literature, when we see what they promote instead...).

So I made «Eolis and Eolines» listening to Bearns and Dexter, enchanted by the wonderful vibe of the Golden Voyage 3, which seemed made especially for the charming, whimsical and wonderful world of the Eolis. Even today, we see only strokes, but imagine in color... The fantastic Aeolian landscapes cannot be imagined otherwise, as the islands at night, or the ringed hills. All this is so beautiful, but so difficult to convey through strokes and text! In fact, I think that without the Faitg and its wonderful vibration (even with the fake spirituality) I would have stayed in a down to Earth «ecologist» Charlie Hebdo style. This is why I cannot deny this experience, whatever the other participants did of it. Today AI would allow these images to be converted into colors. I tried it, the vibe passes, it is wonderful! But the AI are so ingrained with Disneyish stereotypes, making for example ordinary hats with flowers on them, instead of turning a flower into a hat. I have made bug reports to Open AI for this kind of problem, but it will probably still take some years to be able to have my images remade by AI without being distorted or interpreted. Today I make AI images for my Elf stories, but in some cases it has been a fight against stereotypes, and I several times had to abandon an image.

And, as I now had access to the power of a word processor, carried by my inspiration I wrote the two novels «The Gardens of Aéoliah» and «Stranded on Earth», listening to the wonderful music of Iasos «Angel plays» or «English meadow» by William Aura. Today all these songs are on Youtube, try them (and record them, before google closes youtube). The visualizations of wonderful free landscapes I made with these musics captured the essence of the New Age, the pure inspiration at the origin of this movement.

This inspiration that all the liars and pseudo-contactees have completely missed, proving that they were only crooks attempting to exploit the movement.

These two novels were, however, enameled with common spiritualist concepts and vocabulary from the New Age (originating from the spiritualist movement of the early 20th century), often questionable, such as the ridiculous name «Dévachan» (A corruption of the Tibetan «Dewatchen», the most accessible spiritual world). I therefore had to reread these texts and remove this vocabulary, before publishing them on the Internet. But not all, so as to remain in the spirit of the time in which the story takes place. Thus, you will still find astral travel and egregores.

Because of course I ended up publishing them on the Internet https://www.planet-eolis.net/index-en.php. I had proposed to the French publishers to publish them, but they unanimously refused, which is very logical when we see what they publish instead. But even theoretically accessible to everyone on the Internet, they’re subject to search engine censorship. Well, not the big censorship like the 3rd Republic, but a vicious scam, called indexing by notoriety: search engines and social networks offer us «known» sites... but which are «known» only because the same search engines send visitors to them! The «others» are then «unknown» sites, which search engines do not talk about, which do not receive visitors because search engines do not send them. So we are not out of this kind of imbecilities yet, just they changed of methods.

Yet I am not publishing recipes for bombs, just beauty, wonder. But apparently this terrifies these people more than the bombs.

There is a second comic, «The journeys of Nasachto and Veranlounia», where I announced several sequels... I painfully finished it in 1990, when I was at the bad smelling Métairie Thuriez, while working at the CNES. And... I never found the energy to write the promised sequels. I have scanned these pages, but not yet published. Or never. The court battle to get the children out of the Faitg, the cowardly betrayal of all my «friends», the noise, the prosaicism, the smells of burning cars in the city of Bagatelle, all this had caused the end of this wonderful inspiration, dead with the New Age.

Patrice and his family

(Permalink) Written in June 2019.

Well, thankfully, most of the visitors were normal and friendly. But at some point, they realized Viviane's shady dealings, so they did not come back. As a result, I was never really able to form any lasting relationship. More than once, we had people who ran away as soon as they entered their rooms. Today I understand them: for anybody not especially in the New Age fake spirituality, Viviane’s ridiculous manners were a serious warning.

One person I would have liked to see again was Patrice. We were good friends and agreed on quite a few things. He wanted to stay at the Faitg and bring his wife and two little girls, all three lovely friendly blondes. They came, but it was clear that his wife was not keen on staying. Patrice finally saw through Viviane's game, catching her eavesdropping in order to fake a mediumistic message. They left shortly after, and I hope they were eventually able to live happily together and raise their children properly. I lost track of them in the chaos of my final departure from the Faitg. I tried searching for Patrice using the telephone directory and the Minitel, but without success, especially since he has about twenty namesakes. Or perhaps I have found him, but he really wanted to break with the Faitg and he did not replied me.

Esther

(Permalink) Written in August 2019.

Another person I would have liked to know better was Esther. But I had no relationship with her beyond the superficial conventions of the Faitg, where so many subjects were taboo.

Esther was Jewish, and she had had to flee the Soviet Union and the persecutions. She never spoke much about this, only to say that, upon arriving in France, she had gallicized her first name to avoid «this to happen again». So I shall not give her French name. But for us, in our place of freedom, she was Esther, a beautiful biblical name.

She was one of the financial backers of the Faitg (which was legally a company with shares), and she came regularly, at least once a year, for a week or two. I do not think that when we met she was aware of Viviane's duplicity.

Once she deeply annoyed me: I was very busy with something, as usual, and therefore could not just stop and start a long philosophical discussion. But as I walked down a dark corridor, she called out to me with a smile: «You should not ejaculate».

...

!!!

...

... I confess that at the time, I was surprised and annoyed by such a bizarre suggestion. At first, I thought she was prudish, like many people at the Faitg.

But during my first attempt to leave the Faitg in 1985, I understood what she meant, when I came across a book by Yolan Shan, a Chinese Taoist master, who explained the pursuit of pleasure through the withholding of ejaculation. I quickly grasped the potential and began practicing immediately, for the obvious hedonistic reasons, but also for the spiritual applications, which I had already heard about. But Yolan's instructions were sketchy, and it takes years to change the reflexes. So I did not really benefit from it until my final departure from the Faitg in 1990, and the more comprehensive guidance from Master Mantak Chia, in «Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating male sexual energy». In the meantime, Esther passed away, and I was never able to resume that discussion with her.

But Esther had several times mentioned another name: Dr. Hanish, author of a similar method, but within a Jewish context, rather than Taoist. In fact, there is, among some Jews, a whole hedonistic culture, involving various traditional methods of contraception and a form of vegetarianism. So I came close to it, but it was difficult at the Faitg to speak privately with somebody, without Viviane chiming in with her expertise, or Noisette flying into a rage. Furthermore, Esther was probably uncomfortable discussing sexuality with a man. I know she had been married, since she had a daughter who came to the Faitg, and she still bore her former husband's name. But her culture did not facilitated discussions on such topics.

Unfortunately, in 1990 Esther broke the spell, by making one of the false testimonies against my children. Clearly, she had been muddled by Viviane, or she was not so spiritual than she looked. In any case, if ever you are asked to testify against somebody in a family affair, always check the other side: The judges will not do it for you.

The Colonel

Written in July 2020.

Yes, one of our neighbors was «the Colonel», a real one, and on active duty, in the Luxembourg army.

But Colonel Spedener was a very special colonel, interested in the New Age and UFOs... I often went to his home, and it was him who introduced me to the New Age music: Iasos, Aeoliah, Deuter, William Aura, Bearns & Dexter (I had already discovered Kitaro through the people of Spirale, and Vangelis was already well-known to the general public).

On UFOs, he did not teach me anything particularly new. In fact, at the time, UFOs, archaeology, fiction, conspiracy theories, all was mixed up in people's minds, resulting in a kind of exciting, joyful mush, thankfully still relatively harmless at the time. But it made for fantastic discussions, giving the impression of being in an elite. In reality, it mostly neutralized the followers, with a whole host of bogus theories.

He was my only real friend in the area, along with his wife, a true German Gretchen. Unfortunately, when I left the Faitg, he was furious that I had «sued them». Apparently, the people of the Faitg had worked on him, and he had not bothered to listen to the children.

Or perhaps he was a bit too New Age to understand that not everybody in that community was all good and all kind, or even that there could be extremely cruel people, as we saw earlier with the woman with the bonsai children. In any case, his Gretchen of a wife, whom I liked, got uterine cancer shortly after I left. She let herself die rather than accepting the «toxic conventional medicine» which could have saved her. So I am counting this as suicide (the fourth in chronological order; we shall see the others later). This surgery is not a calamity, though. I knew another woman who had it done and was doing just fine, plus she had lifelong total contraception (which the Gretchen would have been thrilled about).

After seeing someone impose herself such a painful and pointless death, just to place herself apart from society, you will understand why I started distancing myself from the New Age, «alternative medicine», and all that pseudo-ecology, bobo Charlie-hebdo gluten-free nonsense.

Serralongue

(Permalink) Added April 2026

If you happen to pass by Serralongue today, you will notice that the main street is called «Rue Abdon Poggi». This somewhat strange name deeply anchors Serralongue in the Catalan culture and spirituality. He was a storyteller, a living archive of the local history and of the previous generations. As it happens, he was still alive when I frequented Serralongue. His death, which occurred shortly afterward, was therefore a loss of memory for the whole local community.

Later, leaving Le Faitg made me realize that, during all those nine years, we had lived in a bubble, uninterested in the outside world, and meeting nobody other than some small «marginal groups» which had produced nothing and of which nothing remains today. Abdon Poggi, for instance, was certainly someone worth meeting, yet I missed that opportunity entirely. We did venture out a few times to meet an artist or two, but each time Viviane would pass some definitive judgment which ensured that we never saw them again. It was only after leaving that I dared to take the time to visit remarkable places like the Gorges de la Frau or the Batère mines. Even possessing some rare wisdom should never cut us off from the world and from other people.

Serralongue was also known for its micocoulier (hackberry) tree, where the children play, and its conjurador: a small hill top shelter with a pyramidal roof, open to the four cardinal directions, which was once used to «ward off» storms and bad weather. Most of the surrounding villages had one, this one is said to be the only surviving. It still offers a panoramic view of the entire area. There were lumberjacks with a sawmill, the Ténas family, they were the ones supplying us with sawdust. The surrounding area, like La Forge del Mitch, still bore traces of an old mountain metalworking industry powered by large waterwheels. Several farms had small chapels. From the village, we could see the Cabrens Towers: the ancient local lord, refusing the annexation of Northern Pyrenean Catalonia by France, had seceded, believing himself invincible on the top of his steep mountain. But Louis XIV only had to order the towers gunned until surrendering, from a platform which can still be seen in the village. Further on, Mount Cos boasts a Merovingian tower which is still visible.

Most often, the communities of the 1970s and 80s, whether Hippie, leftist, ecologist or New Age, maintained a relationship of mutual ignorance or mistrust with the local population. Conflicts were not uncommon, either due to local prejudices or from their own fault, when they «criticized society» by looking down on people. Some communities which practiced a form of agriculture maintained more constructive relationships with their neighbors. Today, on the contrary, Buddhist or Catholic centers make a key objective from integration.

For a long time, the Faitg community did the same, living its life without paying much attention to its surroundings. However, Serralongue had been a remarkable exception: it was them who approached us. Several factors contributed to their attitude: the fact that we «bothered nobody», and the birth of our daughter. From the towns, we do not realize it, but many villages have aging or dwindling population. For this reason, every birth or marriage is a Giono-esque «regain» (revival). So, a dynamic new mayor, Mr. Marquez, and his town council came to see us and invited us to make ourselves feel at home in the village. Mr. Marquez even hoped to marry Noisette and me, hahaha! These exchanges lasted several years, and we attended, for instance, the Saint John’s Day (Midsummer) Bonfires.

Today, atheist governments have «atheized» Midsummer, replacing it with the «Feast of Music» (which is often just noise and drunkenness), thus renewing the old scam of Christianizing the ancient Gallo-Roman festivals. In Serralongue, however, the Saint John's Day Fires were still very much alive: not only did we had a beautiful bonfire in the village, with young people having fun jumping over it, but teams had also gone to several surrounding peaks to light large flames which flickered for some minutes after sunset. The whole region suddenly came alive! These lights bursting forth simultaneously from wild places gave a powerful feeling of being «together», not only with the villagers, but also with the entire region: nature, the people of yesteryear, everything became only one.

At the time I did not realized it, but today I consider it a privilege to have experienced it. Life has often placed me at the heart of such celebrations several times, and I have always experienced them without realizing how extraordinary they were.

This situation could have led to very constructive things, where the Faitg could finally have «engaged the clutch» and played the role it claimed to play: of a catalyst or model for a better society. Unfortunately, this was not the case, for painful reasons. The village had taken the same approach of openness with «the ecologists» who had settled just on the other side of the valley. But the latter broke the spell by converting to «instinctotherapy»! And, not content with ridiculing and discrediting ecology, the «instinctos» cultivated arrogance and self-assurance, presenting their demands as entitlement and taking the slightest criticism as heresy. They probably told the town hall that we were «instinctos» too, because the relationship cooled at that point.

Then came the mistreatment of the children, the social services investigation, the lies of the social services, and the forbidding made to the town hall to give me any information about my children. Plus the pedophile, everybody in the village saw pretty well what he was up to, the school and the gendarmerie probably told what happened. Of course, all this nonsense has done enormous damage to the New Age movement, vegetarianism, and ecology, but those I feel the most sorry for, are the residents of Serralongue, who had opened their hearts to us, only to see all this garbage dumped on their village.

This explains why, when I was finally able to get my children out of the Faitg, with them on the way to freedom in the back seat of my car, I stopped in Serralongue to say goodbye and thank them for their kindness. I also explained that the children were leaving because their mother «not wanted them anymore». Which was unfortunately the truth, which she even confirmed in writing and in the court.

My children: not desired, but still welcome.

(Permalink) Written in September 2020.

Let us be clear: the fact that my children were not desired did not stopped me from loving them and fulfilling all my responsibilities toward them. But the way they came deserves a serious explanation. Noisette did not wanted any chemical contraception. Luckily, she had a very regular cycle, which allowed us to use the date method. Too regular, even, and for both conceptions specifically, I had the impression she had given the go-ahead too early. I therefore suspect her of having fudged the dates (which I was not checking... we were supposed to trust each other, after all). Then, once both births had passed, Noisette started the classic, simpleton antics of marital discord, like accusing me of «pushing» her in the bed, etc. This timeline suggests that, in the end, I was only there as an insemination dildo, to be discarded after use. But not of this game with me: I was now a father, and I had to drink this cup to the dregs—and her too.

The conclusion is then crystal clear: the refusal of «chemical contraception» is in fact solely a plan to get alone the family allowances. Not «sometimes», nor «in certain cases», but «always», because this is what shall happen anyway. The principle is simple: there are no truly effective natural forms of contraception. Accepting only contraceptives which do not exist is therefore a lie, revealing a conscious intention to deceive. A «green» lie, «hippie» lie, «sexually liberated» lie, New Age lie, marxist lie, «feminist» lie, anti-establishment lie, but still a big chubby well hairy lie, with the tail, horns and all. And this trap eventually snaps shut, sooner or later, when the woman ends up getting pregnant anyway, all the while claiming she did not wanted it, or ignoring the man's explicit refusal to have children (which, I did not knew at the time, legally qualifies this shenanigan as a rape). The motives: to have a baby as an emotional toy, and above all, to collect child benefits. The second point requires getting rid of the father, so he must be harassed until he leaves or he defends himself. The sexist social services then automatically blame the man. A despicable calculation, because family allowances do not allow somebody to live without any other income, and when a child reaches the age of high school, he costs more than he brings in. And it was indeed when our daughter was about to start high school that Noisette asked me to take the children... another accusing coincidence.

Men do not either like to be treated like objects.

Furthermore, babies have the bad taste of growing up: we can no longer coddle them like little puppies. Not to mention what happens when we are dealing with a disoriented and revendicative teenager... Viviane quickly understood this, when the two children informed the school of the mistreatment they were enduring: she asked me to take them that very day, through Noisette. She did not received her angelic messengers to sober her up that day, ha ha ha ha!

Children mistreatment

(Permalink) Written in 2022-2023

Now the ugly undersides of the Faitg are revealed.

For the birth of our daughter, we went to the clinic in Céret. I must say that, contrary to all what suggest the New Age prejudices against medicine, I have good memories of this place: we were warmly welcomed and well cared all throughout, despite the difficulty of having the whole family in one hospital room overnight. Indeed, Viviane and Sylvain came too, even into the delivery room! I could have done without them, but Noisette could not be without her «gentille Vivi», and even in this intimate moment for us as a couple, my voice did not counted. We arrived late in the evening, as the contractions had started just as we were going to bed. The birth did not took place until early the next morning, and I must say that seeing a new person appear is a very unsettling experience. Moreover, our daughter was a beautiful baby, practically perfect. She looked around, smiled, was alert, interested in what she saw, even making an astonished «ho» when she had her first poo!

I ended up really enjoying the «baby care» part, and even the «diapers» part was not as unpleasant as we expected, once we are in the context. So I bathed her in the sink (A newborn is so tiny, we have to see it to believe it). She trusted me so much that once she even fell asleep in my arms! But I also wanted to prepare her for a world of beauty (that was our goal, or at least mine). To that end, I showed her the garden and the flowers, and I put her in a backpack to take her to the forest. Later, I taught her to draw, and other things. She also showed her delight when she saw us kissing!

The presence of a young child somewhat calmed the bullying from the other three. This is probably the origin of the myth that having a child can fix a troubled relationship. A sweet illusion indeed, because even if sociopathic or temperamental tendencies recede in the face of a baby who cannot yet speak, they inevitably return, with more demanding stakes, when the child’s intelligence and personality start to develop. And they do very quickly, often surprising us. We must then show tolerance and altruism, be honest, and make an effort for them. But this growing autonomy of the child is then perceived as a threat by a sociopath...

This moment came for my daughter, coinciding with the birth of our second child, the boy.

Although the birth of our daughter at the Céret clinic went well, Viviane and Noisette were not happy: it was «the society», and so they needed something else, anything as long as it criticized the said society: giving birth at home, in water, with a midwife who was also against the system, etc. I have nothing against these methods, provided, however, that they are not detrimental to the child.

This is how our second child ended up being delivered by a so-called New Age therapist, a hateful female supremacist who organized «Luminaissances» where the father (me) was clearly unwelcome. (I do not remember this woman's name. There are still several organizers of «Luminaissances» today, but apparently with no connection to this person.) Thinking of a New Age-style birth, we imagines wonderful, fairytale-like visualizations: colors, scents, songs, soft music, mantras, kindness, etc. It was exactly the opposite, caricaturally the opposite: Viviane openly expressed her disappointment, «It is a boy», and our child was welcomed into the world by the wicked grimaces of these two witches, this woman and Viviane! So he immediately fell back asleep. He never received a smile from his mother either, who brandished him at me like a machine gun. She fed him mechanically, all the while grumbling, to the point that he refused weaning, as if attempting suicide! Should we be talking about «Lumichildabuse» in this case?

Viviane, if we strip away her false angelic airs, was nothing but a self-centered, sexist and spiteful bigot, completely incapable of the slightest concession to others. A witch, a folcoche (evil character in a Hervé Bazin novel). And above all, she was caricaturally sexist, as we are to see:

Viviane’s sexual trouble

(Permalink) Written in November 2020.

The situation in the Faitg was therefore far from ideal, between the open harassment by Viviane and now Noisette, more Sylvain's subtle deceitfulness, not to mention their arbitrary decisions, constant criticism, denigration of my activities, and so on. I would have left much earlier (early 1986) if it had not been for the children being held hostage. However, we were still dealing with the typical behavior of unbridled egos, who claim to be spiritual while avoiding any effort to address their psychological shortcomings (the exact opposite, therefore, of the «cultivation of the garden of the souls» that we were supposed to perform together).

What the arrival of a boy revealed went much further, escalating from psychodrama to physical abuse, even to two attempts of sexual mutilation, the second one involving the complicity of several outsiders.

Indeed, I later realized that all of Viviane's attacks were essentially directed at men (women only if they did not played along with her). Thus, Viviane's seemingly erratic behavior, her absurd accusations, her unpredictable outbursts of anger, and her whispers behind our backs, actually followed a very simple and predictable pattern: Viviane had a pathological hatred of men, feeling no sorrow for their broken families or even their suicide, as we already saw, and going so far as wishing to mutilate them, as we are to see.

There had been some warnings, like the time we had to «save the hens» by building them a chicken coop to protect them from the foxes... except for the rooster, left outside because he «hurts the hens». He quickly disappeared, without any sign of grief from Viviane. Total insensitivity, typical of a sociopath. Her love of animals, completely fake. A sham.

There was her story about a «very wise rabbit» who had neutered her babies to prevent them from reproducing too much. I thought it was an allegory, Viviane's slightly eccentric side; we just had to accept it, without paying too much attention. I never would have imagined she could actually go through with it. Some things are so outrageous that we just don't believe them. I do remember, though, that once she even looked how to neuter (I do not give dangerous details here).

Then one day, she was alone with the boy, who was screaming and screaming, much louder than a crying baby. When I came into the room, it all stopped. At first, I did not pay much attention, because children sometimes cry for no apparent reason. Still, it was not ordinary crying, but rather howls of pain.

It was only years later that all these elements fell into place in my mind, especially after the other attempted surgical mutilation we are to see shortly: Viviane very likely tried to castrate the child manually! Thankfully, she did not succeeded. But I shudder to think that for seven years these children were left defenseless in the hands of this monster, with the informed complicity of sexist judges and social services. To the point that I could not even report the pedophilic activities until the victims themselves complained: the risk was then high that the justice system would also protect the pedo. There is clearly a serious failing on the part of these services, which also gave free rein to their misandrist, female supremacist hatred. It is very clear that for them, the children were nothing more than hostages, the only means they had to try to harm me as a man. (At this point, I was completely disillusioned with the Faitg and its whole milieu, so they could no longer reach me with mind control.)

There also were numerous instances where Viviane «protected» women from their husbands or lovers. I do not recall hearing her protect men from harridans. Seen in this light, it seems more likely that she knowingly tried to break up couples, and that she succeeded several times.

Unfortunately, I grasped the global picture only after I left, when hindsight allowed me to see the whole picture, in its enormity, instead of being fixated on seemingly insignificant details. But it was clear that she hated the boy, that she subjected him to appalling emotional abuse, and this is what ultimately led to my reporting her, and my departure so that I could find a place for Noisette and our children. A process that I thought would only take some weeks. But sexist and pedoclastic judges and leftist social workers decided otherwise, falsifying investigations, dragging out procedures for months, categorically refusing to listen to the children, or accusing me of «wanting the children for myself». This is how my children remained subjected to this dangerous wacko until 1997, seven years later. And how I missed almost all the sensitive periods where I could have educated them effectively. A lack which would have serious consequences, as we will see later, during my epic stay in Lavaur.

How I finally went out of the Faitg.

(Permalink) Written in May 2023.

As we saw above, my return to the Faitg was not a blank check: the «contract» was that Viviane and Noisette would not start their destructive crisis again. They quickly «forgot» this clause, if they were even aware of it, quickly resuming psychodramas and accusations. In addition, Viviane had taken over the room which served as my lab: I had to build another one, just that! In short, only four months later, their failure was obvious. I did not knew it yet, but we cannot cure a sociopath, who is totally incapable of keeping any good resolution. Worse, if we escape and make the mistake of coming back, then he takes this as an encouragement to tighten his grip even more. This period was quite short, but sufficient as a demonstration (I did not note the exact dates, but basically I returned to the Faitg around December 1985, and our daughter was conceived around April 1986, that is a span of four to five months, just a bit more than the «trial period» in a company).

I was starting to consider leaving. This time, no more depression or panic, but a firm determination. However, the error I did was that I took the time to prepare, without realizing the urgency of doing so. The main question was what to do next, where to go, alone, without money. Basically, the lousy experiences of the 1985 summer showed that I would not find any worthy groups to join. And in more, I had no money (just a little unemployment savings, but I had not worked long enough to qualify for a permanent benefit). Of course I could work, I had already done so. I could even have a good pay, sitting comfortably and warm, thanks to my electronics skills. The experience with Aérospatiale had not been unpleasant after all, and was even rather gratifying. But I kept a bitter aftertaste: when we have spent a day at work, plus the transportation, we are tired. Which would left me very little time for my basic project: working towards a better world. I was instead thinking about joining another group, but I had to be more careful. The only group I would have considered at the time was the Arch of Lanza del Vasto, the only surviving community in France. But it is actually an order, where we do not do what we want. Especially without electricity...

It is certain, and scientific studies proved it, that the minimum income would allow many talents to express themselves in a way useful to society, freeing them from the tyranny of having a job stealing all our time. Above all, it would have allowed me, and all those who left a cult, to free myself from the Faitg much sooner. With a minimum income, I could have found a housing, and done something useful even without a job. But at the time, we were not even talking about social minimums. Today the minimum retirement allows me to survive and to have an activity, thanks to the Internet. But I have no investment capacity, and I have to do everything myself. Which limits my activities to create on the Internet!! No vacations or trips either, cinema only on YouTube. And above all the loneliness, having landed in a remote town from where it is now impossible for me to move. But well, at least, I live, I eat, I have a roof, and above all I am connected to the world.

What also trapped me in Faitg was my sexual desire: a romantic relationship is something strong, and it is not easy to cut the physical connection, even when it is cheated. Many candidates for divorce know this, who have often waited for the urgency of a serious crisis to begin the process. Even some did not dared at all, and they died at the hands of an abusive spouse.

And I hesitated too much: Noisette was pregnant with our daughter. So I could not leave anymore! I immediately understood what was going to happen: the children would be Viviane's hostages, who would then be able to harass me much harder than before, without me being able to leave.

And, as with the divorce candidates seen above, it took a serious crisis to finally force me to do so: increasing child abuse, especially when the boy was born. These scum made his life a hell, constantly scolding him without ever smiling, manipulating him like an object, making him take sitz baths at 4° (I measured) until he stopped screaming, exhausted. The girl had all her toys confiscated, and other bullying. In short, things were going from bad to worse, and it was my mother coming to the Faitg who served as a catalyst: in situations like this, we get used little by little, accepting more and more concessions, and it is often an external element which serves as a revealer. At this point, I had to take legal action. What I did, and it seems she also did it on her side.

However, this situation of open conflict forced me to leave, to find another place for my children, and for Noisette. Let me be clear: contrarily to the lies of all the magistrates and social workers implied in the case, I never considered separating from the mother of my children, it is her who did it. So it is her who broke our family. I even have a separation letter!

Well, in fact the relationship had been lost for a long time: the cheerful young ecologist I had met at the ATE was well and truly dead, replaced by a cantankerous, intransigent, bigoted shrew. If she did not mistreated herself, she carried out all of Viviane's injunctions. In short, he was no longer the same person. An unfortunately common trajectory, which I had already observed several times (the GARI and the end of the ATE): people claiming to «liberate themselves» effectively reject all measures and social rules, and then begin an infernal downward spiral, which leads them to the hatred of everything, to violence, to paranoia. Some would say that they have been subjugated by demons, and this expression is not just a literary figure: not only have these people destroyed themselves, but they are also trying to destroy everything around them. Witnessing such a fall leaves us frozen in shock and disbelief. Especially in an environment which claims to be exemplary or superior...

My last vision of the Faitg was my daughter crying to come with me. But I could not take her by foorce, the justice would have considered that I had «hijacked» her.

With all the fuss the media do about protecting mistreated children, and especially about children in cults, I thought that reporting the abuse would only take some weeks. But due to the sexism and spinelessness of justice in France, it took a year to arrive only at giving the abusers more power on the children. It was a plain denial of justice, allowing the children to have a normal life only during vacations.

So, just as in many other fields, the media and government protection of children is just blather, hypocrisy. Or they protect only their own children...

When I saw the girl again one year later, she had passed the period of forgetting at three years old: she no longer recognized me, she no longer knew who I was. She was not yet extinct, but already tarnished. The boy was two years old, and he was not yet speaking. Fortunately he could learn in my house.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy

(Permalink) Written in November 2020.

This barbaric term refers to a psychological disorder in which a person (most often a mother) tries to make believe that somebody in their care (most often their child) would be ill. The official psychiatric nomenclature is FDIA (Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another). It is a serious disorder, which can lead to the victim being poisoned, surgically harmed, or mutilated. That such disorders appear in a milieu which has lost its bearings is already serious. But it is even more worrying that social services or doctors deliberately become its instruments. They cannot be excused by naivety: they have the training and experience to detect these situations. Furthermore, they operate within a very strict legal framework, which they have therefore violated massively and repeatedly.

It all started with the boy refusing the weaning. No wonder, he never received a smile from his mother, and even less from that Folcoche Viviane who hated him, as we saw. Breastfeeding was therefore his only pleasure in life. I saw him violently rejecting any other food, even to the point of bleeding. However, it was at this moment that I was forced to leave the Faitg, and from then on he was left completely at the mercy of his tormentors, with the complicity of the juvenile court judge and social services, who refused to heed my warnings.

And things went very far. I received reports from various people, who told me they had even been forbidden to give me any information! At this point, it was no longer France, it was North Korea. This is how I learned that the boy had undergone an intestinal biopsy at the Perpignan hospital. They refused to give me any information about why, or what they had found. However, the juvenile court judge's «rapport d’enquête» (investigation report), some months after I left, mentioned... «gluten intolerance»!!! Yes, you read that right, this cretinous nonsense already existed in 1990 (probably as a consequence of instinctotherapy, which at the time still had a strong support in institutions). This was, of course, completely false. I had this child in my home for several years, and he ate bread perfectly normally. I even deliberately gave him a lot of croissants for several weeks, which he devoured with gusto. And he had no diarrhea: I was able to verify this de visu, since he had not been taught to be potty trained (Yet it is not that complicated: he learned quickly in my house).

So, we have a clear case of Munchausen syndrome by proxy, with the complicity of a hospital and a social worker. This resulted in an invasive procedure which could have gone wrong or left lasting damage. All this because of a bunch of sycophants incapable of seeing that this child was simply lacking maternal love... and paternal love, this one they had duly made sure of it.

Some time later, I was informed that the boy was at the AGOP center in Foncaude, near Montpellier. This was thanks to a «leak», a whistleblower, because at that time the social services were trying to sever the family bond by refusing to give me any information. I went to see him there. I believe that, thanks to this center, he learned to live again. For the first time, people smiled at him, talked to him, and took care of him (instead of brandishing him like a machine gun at me, as Noisette did). Even though they were force-feeding him through a tube (I saw that instrument), conditions which would be horrific for a child from a normal family were paradise compared to what he was experiencing at the Faitg.

But these gluten delusions were not the worst of it. The boy was followed by an «alternative medicine» doctor in Amélie-les-Bains. I spoke to her on the phone, she was claiming he had hypospadias (a malformation of the urethra) and that he needed surgery, and being circumcised—oh, what a coincidence! When I found out, an appointment had already been made with a surgeon for the surgery. This pork confirmed this claim over the phone, even mocking me saying that «several civilizations are based on circumcision!» It was astonishing, because I had noticed nothing of the sort. Luckily, I had pushed hard with the family judge, obtaining the permission for the child to see me during the holidays, before the operation. I showed him to my mother (who was familiar with this condition, which runs in the family), and then to two pediatricians in Toulouse. The child was perfectly normal! So I wrote to the surgeon, canceling the surgery and threatening him with legal action for sexual mutilation if he went ahead anyway. I have not heard anything more about hypospadias since.

Except for a social worker who asked me if the boy «accepted the operation»... without even considering whether it was justified!

So that makes two attempts of sexual mutilation and two blatant Munchausen syndrome by proxy. These weren't mistakes. My children were victims of an organized network of siloviks who were infiltrating the child protection services in Perpignan. If I had not persevered in protecting my children, he would have been mutilated, malnourished, he might even have died, and no evidence of their cruelty would have remained. And on top of that, it would have been said that it was «my fault», that I had «abandoned» him.

One thing people don't think about is reporting this kind of falsification to the «Ordre des Médecins» (French medical board ensuring discipline in the trade). I did it once, and the doctor in question received a one-month suspension. But afterward, she was one of the few people who tried to help the children, offering me a place to spend the holidays with them.

Lastly, a swine working in the Social Security refused to reimburse me for the two pediatric visits, claiming that I was a separated father. At the time, I was unaware of the law, but in reality, separated parents are both entitled to these reimbursements. The Social Security administration has reiterated this several times, given the increasing number of such fraudulent cases.

This makes a lot of people who claim to be «in the society», but who, at the slightest pretext, break down and behave in a way that is more incoherent, chaotic, and dangerous than drugged zonards or terrorists on vacation.

Other unflattering revelations with the end of the Faitg.

(Permalink) Written in July 2020.

As is often the case in situations of cognitive dissonance (between an idyllic vision and the sociopathic reality), we fail to see certain things, even though they are obvious to outside observers. More precisely, we see them, but our brain does not make the logical connections. Then, when we realize what is happening, the blockage dissipates... revealing unpleasant things that should have made me leave much sooner.

A more complex case is when we create an opinion neurosis: we «take side», and therefore we consciously reject the opposing arguments as false. Then one day we realize the neurosis... or it reverses into a hate neurosis. The person then perceives all the ideas they had previously embraced as manipulations. Often, they even «reverse values», becoming hostile to what they once adored.

The Justice is not lenient with the victims of these psychological processes, considering them as conscious accomplices. And it is indeed easy to say that we have been manipulated, once the wrongdoing has been revealed and the case is in the hands of the judges. But the two processes mentioned above exist, and I myself was a victim of them, despite my vigilance. And if I had not finally reported the community to the authorities, a situation could have arisen where I would have indeed be considered as legally complicit in injury or even murder. All the hatred of the sexist judges would then have fallen upon me.

There are other perverse processes, the best known being the Stockholm syndrome, where a victim defends her abuser against the law. Or the abused children who want to stay with their parents, not realizing that their situation is abnormal. The whole art of cults, and of manipulators in general, is about provoking these processes, and then perpetuate them through a skillfully sugar-coated presentation of the facts. The Faitg was no exception, with its «messengers» who, far from helping us, actually defused any critical mind, while accusing the society of being fundamentally perverse. Thus, any outside intervention was rejected!

There is, however, one point where no neurosis should hold us back: when there is violence against children. This is what finally happened in my case: this violence could no longer be explained by any subtle casuistry of kind little angelic messengers. If such messengers had existed, they would instead have encouraged me to denounce the treatment of my children, together with the other unsavory machinations which follow:

The Faitg chapel.

When I arrived at the Faitg, there was «the chapel», emptied of any Catholic content, with only the trace of a small altarpiece torn from the wall. Other farmhouses in the area also had private chapels, and it is not uncommon to find disused chapels in the countryside, which explains the disappearance of the furniture. I simply accepted this state of affairs, thinking that the deconsecration dated back to the previous owners. When I arrived, Viviane's project was to create a kind of miniature diorama of a New Era village (the expression we used at the time). A project which surprisingly corresponded to my own! I enthusiastically undertook work to dry out a damp wall (digging down more than two meters to install waterproofing behind the altarpiece wall). Then, just as I was about to start the diorama itself, Viviane moved the project to another room, which I then had to renovate too. She pulled this trick on me several times, using my energy to get me to do work on the farmhouse for free, only to frustrate me with the results. Indeed, once this second room was furnished in turn, the diorama was no longer on the agenda!

At the time, I did not knew the names of Marpa and Milarepa, but the story was already circulating in spiritualist circles about how the Tibetan master Marpa had ordered his disciple Milarepa to rebuild the same house several times. The official Buddhist justification for this story is that Milarepa was thus purging a terrible karma of black magic. In the case of Marpa and Milarepa, it was good advice, and fantastically well rewarded, since Marpa was a great Tantric master. But in the case of Viviane and other mini-cults of charlatans which were proliferating at the time, it was simply a sordid way to make us accept the exploitation of our work, or to make us swallow management inconsistencies. In any case, Viviane was just a bitter, sexist child with a simplistic spirituality: beyond her superficial charm, she had nothing to offer.

What happened in the end, was that «Marpa» somehow appeared in my dreams, showing me a spiritual path which suited me. Well, it was not Marpa himself, at least none of them had the crew cut which identifies him. But it was definitely at least ten times Tibetan monks in snow-covered mountains. You could not be more explicit.

In fact, there had indeed be some dirty business with the chapel. Before Viviane bought the farmhouse, it was an active chapel, even hosting a local pilgrimage: Saint Michel del Faitg. People from the surrounding villages gathered at the farmhouse once a year. So there was an altar, an altarpiece, and all the implements of an active chapel, plus a statue of the said Saint Michel. So that the Faitg was a focal point of the local spirituality. Today I would say that our responsibility should have been to maintain and promote this tradition, but the New Age, like the communists, preferred to «make a clean slate of the past».

The farmhouse was first bought by the future owner of the neighboring naturist camp. He did not needed the farmhouse to create his camp higher up the mountain (where it still is today, 2020). So he sold the lower half of his land, including the farmhouse, to Viviane. Or more precisely, to the couple, since she was still married at the time.

First trick: he sold this half for the same price he had paid for the whole property, which allowed him to get his own land for free! This kind of scam was very much unappreciated by the authorities and the government, and, I do not know if it was specifically because of this story, but a law was passed shortly afterward to prevent this scheme from happening again.

Second trick: Viviane repeatedly claimed that it was him who had desecrated the chapel. But Viviane was clearly a virulent anti-clerical, criticizing «the priests» at every turn of the road. According to her, it was him who tore the altarpiece from the wall and sold the statue of Saint Michel who knows where. But Viviane also often stated that she was already the owner at the time he did that. She was therefore able to protect this heritage. Not having done so makes her an accomplice.

The conclusion is therefore clear: the Faitg could not work, under any circumstances. Indeed, we cannot build our spirituality on the ruin of that of others.

I have thus paid the heavy price to know this.

So remember the lesson I am now offering you for free.

If there is indeed a case of mechanical karma...

And I highly doubt that any spiritual messenger of any kind ever came to endorse this sort of thing. If there were true messengers, they would more likely be the source of my warning dreams.

(Counter-example: When the Vajra Yogini Buddhist Institute, near Toulouse, was given the Château d'en Clauzades, it also included a fully equipped Catholic chapel. The Tibetan master Geshe (Doctor) Tengye requested that it should be respected. But in a Buddhist center, it was not a priority, especially since the roof was leaking, making proper maintenance impossible. It was not until around 2015, when a local company offered the repairing of all the roofs at cost, that the chapel was made waterproof. It was then renovated and made usable, with a photo of the Dalai Lama with Pope John Paul II on the altar. The same lesson, then, this time from a Tibetan master. Who, let us remember, has since died, exhibiting incorruptibility (Tukdam), like the Christian saints of old. That is something else entirely compared to the pathetic stories from the Faitg.)

(Added June 2022) Viviane also boasted several times of having burned the Quran in the same fire as mein kampf. At the time, I did not suspected it, but in fact, this whole New Age thing was just a «spiritual» rehash of the marxist dualism, with the indiscriminate rejection of everything which existed before in the religious or spiritual realm, good or bad. Such a movement could therefore definitively not lead to its stated goals: spiritual liberation. Indeed, spiritual liberation is freeing oneself from our hatred and attachment, and above all, from our ego. And there is definitively no need for this to fight anybody or to destroy anything. Thus, all this suffering at the Faitg, and the degeneration of the New Age into conspirationism, were simply the inevitable results of these rotten foundations. Mistakes to which only my inexperience bound me.

The Vegetarian Retreat Center

A couple with Viviane hating men was, of course not viable, and she eventually filed for divorce. She never uttered any serious reproach against him, just that she was no longer needing him when he finished to pay for the estate. What she had not considered was that he was entitled to claim his share of the Faitg (which he had paid for entirely on his own). The estate therefore had to be divided again. The husband received the lowest portion, which he then sold to an estate «developer»: this is the origin of the Can Guillamou housing development, by the roadside, and of some other isolated houses along the Faitg path and the path to the naturist camp. Incidentally, Can GuilLamou was originally a small farmhouse. To carry out his plan, the developer evicted the resident, leaving him devastated and in tears. A mere detail, for a developer. This part of the property also included the main spring of the Faitg: this is how the precious heritages of the past are broken up by the shenanigans and ass problems.

Viviane, however, found herself in a dire situation: all she had left was the farmhouse, unusable with only a small patch of land around it. Even the adjoining barn no longer belonged to her! She therefore had to buy back what remained of her husband's land, the part above the level of the springs, which was of no interest to the developer. The problem was, she had no money (her «vegetarian inn» barely allowed her to make ends meet). So she devised a project to transform the Faitg into a center for vegetarian retirees. The vegetarian community, already thriving at the time (between 1960 and 1980), rallied to the cause: about fifteen people contributed the funds which allowed Viviane to create two estate companies, buy back the land, and save the estate (or what remained of it: a quarter of the original, minus the largest springs, plus a prosaic suburban surrounding which contradicted the very purpose of the Faitg project).

This vegetarian retreat center project comprised a dozen plots, each with a cottage for a retiree or a couple. Very well, but when I arrived, only two cottages had been built, empty, without water, electricity or heating. One already had a rotten roof due to shoddy workmanship. And Viviane spoke of her shareholders as malicious people who wanted to cause her trouble, called her a swindler, and so on.

Well, to my knowledge, only one of the shareholders complained, a retiree living in Hohrodberg in the Vosges mountains, who had contributed the largest share. The others remained silent, because in the New Age and vegetarian circles, taking legal action is worse than apostasy. The shareholders were content to receive the bulletin, and the only one I saw at the Faitg was Esther (who had not lost much, having only one share).

In any case, caring for elderly people requires skills, selflessness, and a work force well beyond everything we had. The only retiree I saw in the Faitg, upon our arrival, had to leave because Viviane made it very clear that she could not stand him. To my great shame, Noisette and I were her pawns, due to our inexperience with this kind of situation. But Viviane had a knack for portraying herself as a martyr, manipulating people and attracting unsuspecting helpers. She did it many times, even against my own children when I left. I paid dearly for the mistake of contributing to the eviction of a retiree. Perhaps it was the karma for that which brought me all the suffering I endured during those years at the Faitg.

It is understandable, then, that I now adhere to the principle of not getting involved in disputes between people, especially without knowing what happened or without asking the other party. A precaution that social workers, as we shall see, are not yet familiar with.

A precaution all the more relevant, as today these disputes are now settled through online petitions (Change.org, Mes Opinions, #metoo, and others), which thousands of people sign without knowing what actually happened. Which, incidentally, considerably reduces the value of useful petitions.

The organic-vegetarian pedophile.

(Permalink) Written in August 2020.

Yes, I know, it is such a sappy cliché: in places which reject society, there always is the pedophile on duty. I am not revealing the victims’ identities, for obvious reasons. But this makes that I cannot reveal the culprit’s identity either, which is a shame. Fortunately, he was punished by the courts. But among all the suiciders and child abusers in the Faitg, he was the only one.

The case was, however, glaringly obvious: the pedophile and the victim slept in the same bungalow for a year, in full view of Viviane, Noisette and Sylvain. He would go out into the village or town with the girls, but never with the boys, to the point that the whole of Serralongue suspected something was amiss, I received several warnings, from the school among others. By that time I had already left, but as my initial reports had been dismissed by the courts, there was a high risk that they would also dismiss my warnings, thereby protecting the pedophile just as they had previously protected Viviane! The victims had to report their ordeal themselves, which they eventually did. As I was the first to hear their confidences, I am well informed about the case.

The one I take my hat off to here are the Gendarmes.

People do not realize it, but the gendarmes are trained to deal with children too, and many are parents themselves.

They started by putting the victims at ease, so that they were able to pour out their pain without difficulty. Not just about the pedophile, mind you, but about Viviane as well. If that police report is still available, it would confirm a great deal.

The trial took place... one year later, and it was difficult to explain to the victims that the case was not over after their visit to the gendarmerie. And, facing the judges dressed in black, stern and menacing, for the first time they felt intimidated, they were made to feel guilty... and just missed to withdraw their accusations. I imagine many pedophiles get away in this way, using the justice system to intimidate the children. In this case, it was entirely deliberate, since it was him who requested that the children be present at the hearing. On the other hand, all the family court judges rejected my children. The children are therefore treated as guilty in every instance. Their presence is required in order to intimidate them, or it is rejected in order to silence them.

It was not won in advance: it was a child’s word against an adult’s word, with no concrete evidence. The case was in danger of being dismissed. What tipped the scales was a letter that the pedophile had sent me, accusing me of «wanting the children for myself» (child exploiters always think that everybody is like them). Like a true sociopath, he crammed his pages to the brim with fine, scathing handwriting, with no margins or letterhead. Everything except the last page, left entirely blank... This exception was intriguing, and it took me only two or three days to figure out why: it was a letter to his victim, written in invisible ink! And clearly a «love letter»! When the gendarmes saw that, they took the letter, which ended up directly on the judge's desk. Yeah, he must have thought.

We cannot invent this kind of stuff.

But the threat of an appeal was still looming over them... fortunately, the pedophile’s lawyer advised him against it. But taking legal action, even for a good cause, is a bit like selling your soul to the devil: we are committing ourselves to years of fear and uncertainty, for a hypothetical gain, and sometimes very heavy losses. Years of being unable to make any plans, of constantly risking the loss of our home, our job, our family, and so on. For an adult, it is already a psychological ordeal comparable to cancer: we are never sure that metastases won’t return, even years later: endless proceedings, postponements, appeals, cassation, wikipedia page... So imagine what it is like for a child! Moreover, once the complaint has been made, the victim would like to forget, but the case comes back: the account, the confrontation with the perpetrator, his lies, his hypocrisy, his threats, humiliation, fear... These staggering delays in the justice system are crimes worse than the ones it punishes.

Then there is the aftermath of pedophilia. A victim needs to talk, to find emotional support and to obtain justice. But once this has been done, the victim actually needs to turn the page and move on. Yes, that is true, and it is important. The problem is that this right is not recognized to victims of pedophilia specifically. I have seen several social workers pressing the victims on this subject, despite their obvious discomfort. To this harassment, two reasons. The first is to place their egos at the center of the situation. The second is more serious: pedophilia and rape are considered such deadly sins that the victims have no right to heal, and they «must» carry incurable scars, and spend the rest of their lives crying and complaining. Consequently, a former victim is not forgiven for laughing and living her life! Accusations then rain down that she lied, that she is «a slut», and so on. But I am glad to see that today the victims are adults and that they are leading their own lives. Partly thanks to my silent moral support.

Some side notes on this case.

To begin with, whether this pedophile claimed to be a «vegetarian» or «New Age» or perhaps even an «oppressed minority» did not stopped me a second from reporting him. Bad luck for him: after seeing the degree of hypocrisy of the Faitg, I had realized that none of these things could serve as an excuse for child abuse. In more, having interacted with him before, I could clearly see that he was a shamelessly self-centered and manipulative jerk.

More serious was the role played by the ADFI (French association supposed to fight cults).

During the 1975 cult scandal, french deputies and politicians overreacted and did a bit of everything, as is often the case when a situation leaves little room for real action. Thus, after churning out a «rapport parlementaire» (parliamentary report) which accused just about everybody at random (several defamation cases were won against this report), our ignorant deputies granted a public utility statute to two associations, including the ADFI, without looking out what they really were about. During this case, I consulted the ADFI, showing them the letter from the pedophile. I thought that, as recognized specialists in cults, they would provide an accredited expertise demonstrating that this letter was manipulative. What actually happened is very instructive.

To start with, I was received in a room attached to a church, on the Boulevard des Crêtes in Toulouse, which was rather unexpected from an organization supposed to be neutral and secular. Still worse, this church is even not listed among the churches in Toulouse!! There clearly is something fishy going on, though it is not immediately obvious to the unsuspecting visitor, I had to check out to realize. After that, I was asked to come back several times to recount my own story, to the point where it became really unpleasant. Then I was told, «Yes, this bloke is very strong», and... nothing. No report, no advice, nothing. After four or five weeks of this farce, the boss asked me, «Where are you in spiritually?», to which I replied, «Buddhism», thereby making clear that I could no more fall back into a cult myself. «Good», he did with a smile. Then, as I inquired about my letter, he let me know that the discussion was over. A polite, smiling rejection, but one that left no other option but the door.

I soon learned what the ADFI really is: a fundamentalist cult claiming to be Catholic, extremely dangerous because it specifically targets people who are spiritually and socially vulnerable following their departure from another cult, in order to lure them into their own! «Spiritual scavengers», so to speak, «finishing off» victims trying to escape from other cults. The same sort of crooks who had already caused me to fail in my attempt to leave in 1985, provoking terrible sadness and depression! And it is to these monsters that our «secular» politicians have entrusted the problem of cults!! With a public interest accreditation!!!

But against a pedophile, you might think they could at least move their asses off. Well, no. Not even that. Bullying a Buddhist was more important to them than protecting children. It is true that this was before the scandal broke about some bishops protecting pedophile priests. These people could still live in their dream world, deluding themselves that they were already sitting on God’s lap. If there is such a thing as God’s knees, I reckon they will get them in their balls.

The Faitg today: the sad end of anti-society people.

(Permalink) Written in September 2020, with some additions later.

I never tried to come back to the Faitg after those terrible events, not even to recover some memories of Béchar which remained there. But I followed what became of them, from time to time, through the rare Internet publications about them.

Needless to say, my children never set foot there again either, even when they turned 18 and they could do so even against my will.

The Faitg continues to place advertisements in vegan circles.

They continue to receive people, who embrace their fake ideal with enthusiasm. But these people continue not to stay there, one or two years for the bravest. So they always end up at one point or another by having the revelation of the underlying problem.

There are comments on the Internet from an anti-Buddhist nutter. I say nutter, because she explains my denunciation of mistreatment by the fact that I was Buddhist. While, at the time of the denunciation, I was still on Lobsang Rampa and Tintin in Tibet, I don't think that this counts as Buddhism, lol! More seriously, we find here the classic temporal inconsistencies of all the sociopathic or discriminatory discourses, where they explain their behavior on a given date with facts which occurred later. This is probably the surest way to detect them, with the reversal of guilt against the victims, or their «forgiveness» to their victims.

I learned recently (September 2020) that Viviane died around 2018. Too late to pray or to forgive, then. But I imagine her in the sad and cold hell of manipulators and child abusers, trying to explain to the devil that we must be gentle and harmonious.

I do not know what became of Sylvain, just that he no longer has any role in the Faitg ownership. However I learned from reliable source that Viviane gave her company shares to Noisette, who is now having the majority, together with three other medium share owners and a handful of small others, all aged 60 at least. I have no information on the other company and the non-profit association. Some law sites tell these information, but I do not give the links, to protect the privacy of my children.

The later never «came back to live at the Faitg», as many members had hoped, imagining they would see returning again the little babies they once knew. But sorry, children grow. The children become adult, never forget that.

In any case, of all the people who gave false testimonies against my children, not a single one ever contacted them or offered any help.

But Noisette would also pretend that the covid-19 does not exist! I believe that this «point of detail» is the ultimate revealer of what the Faitg and many similar groups actually were. It therefore deserves a precise explanation. This sheds light on this whole New Age affair: how such opposing ideas were able to coexist, despite such irreducible fundamental oppositions. In the 1970s, and even the 1980s, talking about freedom, gender equality, ecology or a non-egocentric economy automatically alienated us from «the system». What more to expect in a country managed by jerks like papon, or rotten hypocrites like Giscard-Mitterrand. Hence numerous protests and positions taken «against the society» at the time, and until the 1980s, the «rotten eighties» of the media with their punks and their crap radio stations. Challenging society as a whole was then a valid «first approximation», the errors of which did not yet have significant consequences. However, reality often changes faster than opinions and ideologies, and in 2020 the society has initiated a vast positive change (I think the inflection point is around 1990). This movement is still fragile, of course, but it then becomes spiritually very dangerous to ignore or denigrate it. This is what we also learn by practicing KalaChakra, or with the Global Consciousness Project at Princeton University, or with Hasidic Jews: we are all connected, and by denigrating one part we bring the whole down. In short, in the 21st century we can no longer be «against society» like in the days of the far left, the Hippies or Charlie Hebdo.

This change is certainly very positive and desirable, so that we must support it by all means.

But it also has a curious consequence: deprived of real facts to justify opposition to society, this opinion (neurosis or ideology) must now be nourished by imaginary facts. From there comes the success of conspirationism (initially confined in soucoupist circles, since recycled in the far right), then negationism, «post-fact society», reptilian conspiracies (A seemingly abstruse concept, but it is so easy to replace the reptilians with the Jews), we have never been to the Moon, electric meters send us harmful waves, gluten sticks the guts together, 5G makes cows' milk go sour, etc. So of course if society recommends protecting ourselves against a virus, it can only be for Machiavellian reasons, like injecting electronic chips through vaccines (yes, that has been said). People who swallow such nonsense are only admitting their inability to keep up with the times, or to detect the important changes underway.

But above all, it now appears clearly that a notable proportion of those who claimed to be Hippies or New Age in the 1960s and 80s were in fact motivated not by a real work for change, but by a raw, misanthropic hatred of all forms of society. It was this hatred which made them embark on social movements that were certainly positive, but which they then quickly made to rot. At the time, we had not yet understood the difference between criticizing society and hating society, but this systemic error explains very well why many of these experiments grossly failed: as soon as we are two or more, we recreate a society! A bit like the Siths in Star Wars, who destroy their own projects because two such inflated and aggressive egos can never work together. The partisans of the Faitg brought me the proof themselves: when I had to denounce the mistreatment of my children, instead of helping these children, the other adepts of the Faitg gave more than 40 false testimonies against them. Only two or three have contacted me to try to understand or work things out. That is a good indication, I think: less than 10% of these people were sincere. Still much less than the approximately 25% of sincere communists in the USSR, or the 15% of always good people in the Stanley Milgram's experiment. This weakness can only be explained if the New Age milieu attracted and selected negative people specifically, while offering them wonderful disguises to play at being angels.But the real angels did not liked, and they blocked everything.

We had a very visible example of this process of decomposition, which also occurred in just some months: the Yellow Vests. Started in October 2018, with virtuous motives such as protesting against tax evasion by the rich, the movement was immediately very popular (as were the «youth movements» in 1967 and 1968). Each city, and even each town, saw its weekly pickets at the local roundabout, and my own counts in parking lots gave from 10% to 25% of vehicles displaying a yellow vest on their dashboard in solidarity. A first form of decay was produced by the far left violence, in one of their eternal manic attempts at entry into any social movement, with the hope of raising an army to remake the October Revolution of 1917. This has already driven out the vast majority of participants in the movement. Then the media organized the amalgamation with the far right, which ended up destroying any popularity. You guess, social justice and fascism are not miscible. Finally, the European elections of May 2019 saw two lists claiming to be Yellow Vests, with populist or far-right demands, which obtained tiny scores. We therefore see that the rot starts with the entry of individuals hostile to any form of society (far left or fascists), which already causes the quality to drop considerably. This entryism can be informal and progressive, but it can also be perfectly organized, over a very short period of time, like the Socialist Party with Ecology 78. This radical drop in quality then leads to a silent disaffection of the true popular base of the movement, leaving only the misanthropes who had tried to exploit the movement for their own ends. I think that the Hippies and the New Age show similar stages, with even far left entryism for the Hippies (the beatniks, Jerry Rubin), and extreme right entryism for the New Age (but no far left entryism, because the latter are sectarian anti-spirituality. The social must protect itself on the left side, and the spiritual on the right side! If you want to achieve something, then be spiritual AND social, in order to drive out the two plagues from one single shot).

So it is clear that, even if I had completely renounced my personality, I would never be able to fit into the Faitg, and not even to rebuild another life in any of the pseudo-spiritual group of the New Age (all having the same problem). Of course there was Viviane's sociopathy, which already doomed the whole project to failure. But there was a much deeper reason: my relationship with the society was only to protect me from an imperfect society, while they viscerally rejected all societies, out of pure misanthropy. Hence their rejection of science and computers (the Internet, which started in France with the Minitel, hence my attempt to create a server). And it was not a form of naivety or ignorance as they made us believe, but rather a deep and serious refusal of the knowledge and emancipation that they allow. The refusal of the truth, to prefer their fantasies! This refusal should have warned me at the time, but it seemed secondary to me, compared to their (fictitious) ideal and the (false) spirituality that they proposed. Today, all the great spiritual masters confirm: the refusal of science or society goes against true spirituality. On the contrary, we have even recently (2018) seen meetings between scientists and spiritual people! Even more, I learned (2026) that bases of science were added to the cursus of Gueshe.

In Rudolf Steiner's theories, Humanity must first descend into the world to learn important things. Then when this is done, it needs to go back to the spiritual. But Steiner saw two devils: Ahriman (similar to the classic satan), who wants to prevent the rise, to direct society towards materialism and egocentricity, and Lucifer, who seeks on the contrary to flee the inevitable confrontation with the world, in a false spirituality of dream, looking toward the past, unproductive and non-liberating. Movements like the Faitg, the pseudo-contactees seen above, and many New Age groups, were in fact clearly Luciferian, in Steiner's sense: false spiritual paths with no way out, escapes from the world imitating spiritual liberation, but refusing to «wet their shirt», refusing to truly engage, refusing to experience the world and the fantastic amount of things we have to learn from it. Especially science, the economy, society, people, all things which for true spirituality are fields of action, not enemies. This falsity of the Faitg's vision was perfectly illustrated by certain dreams that I had at the time: climbing a spiral staircase which got narrower and narrower, to the point of ending up fish-tailed and full of excrement.

This degeneration of the Faitg is not a unique case: since several months (2020) I have seen people who still claim to be New Age, astrology, etc. wallowing in far-right conspirationism, that is at the exact opposite of the social emancipation their movement was supposed to bring. Same thing with some of the so-called contactees I met in 1985 (2020): I came across an «extraterrestrial message» attributed to Ashtar Sheran, evoking the conspiracy theme of the «deep state»). Thus these movements, at the forefront of hope at the time, are today empty shells, massively abandoned by sincere researchers, taken over by anti-lifers or left to rot without control.

And the problem had even started before 1990: shortly before leaving the Faitg, I learned that some of the sponsors were openly in the national front... and Viviane knew this perfectly. This perverse relationship between false spirituality and true extreme right is not even new, we find examples with nazism (Thule Society), and many others.

In these conditions, I can only congratulate myself on having taken this turning point in 1990, and having written an anti-covid19 internet page... 17 years in advance! I am also not unhappy with my interplanetary contribution, which would never have happened if I had stayed at the Faitg. As for the current changes in society, they are wonderfully the consequence of a vast extraterrestrial action that I described in my novel «Stranded on Earth» in... 1989! Certainly it was a fiction, but in the world of thought and the Planetary Logos, a fact does not need to be physically «true», and not even to be «known», to produce its consequences.

And all those who are against society simply to single themselves out, or to evade their moral obligations, well, there is nothing surprising that they are now in the ditch. Simple mechanics, when the road turns and they refuse to use the steering wheel. And in more, the far-right ditch, in the company of all the gropugnesque creatures already groofioting there.

My dreams also accompanied this paradigm shift: when I arrived in the Faitg I dreamed of inconsistent Edens with monsters hidden in the cellars. But upon my return in 1990 I saw a completely different theme: using a large forklift, I delivered mini-gardens to the balconies of public housing, in order to awaken people to real life. Bringing wonder to the heart of society therefore. An interesting allegory of what would be my occupation for the next three decades.

The only positive things left of the New Age today are the fantastic music and artistic creations of that era, or the artists who continue them. (Although very few still dare to call themselves «New Age» today). And this is increasing today in 2022, despite the systematic scotomization by the media. To find them you have to go to places like Deviant Art, Pinterest or Youtube, use keywords like «Elves», and sort... but recently (2022) it is worth it. (Added in January 2023:)

Should a minority set the example, or should we all evolve together?

(Permalink) Written in 2025:

The major popular movements I took part until 1990: leftists, ecology, contactees, New Age (plus the Hippies, which I missed), all shared the common goal of proposing a perfect society, exemplified by a small minority of righteous individuals, whose example was expected to influence the majority. Such an approach presupposes a «pure», uncompromising behavior, meaning that all the members of such movements must be sufficiently evolved to overcome their neuroses and prejudices.

My personal inclinations as a pioneer and social «engineer» strongly pushed me in this direction: I was going to show the world a model of an ideal society, solving the problems, and which would be received with enthusiasm. Well, doing it alone would have been extraordinarily difficult, but these movements showed that I was not alone, precisely. Hence my enthusiastic and wholehearted investment in these movements. (Had I been alone, I certainly would not have been the first, since many great caliber philosophers and religious figures had already played solo on this field.)

The problem which happened with all these movements was that they assumed that all their members were «good», since they all held the «right opinion». But this is not enough at all, since we need to change the very way our minds work, not just an opinion! Then this error allowed a whole host of neurotics, crackpots and manipulators to control the movement and drive out the serious people. And they were not recognized as dangerous, since they met the criterion of having «the right opinion»! Thus, these movements quickly became represented solely by these psychological cases, crackpot, and manipulative individuals. At this point, ordinary people discreetly slipped away, while the few true idealists tried to keep the whole thing going on, before finally giving up, exhausted. As for the media, they only showed the weirdos, in order to discredit the movements and prevent people from joining them.

-The Hippies were taken in by drugs and by a naive tolerance for the weirdos, lazybones, and other scumbags who invaded and destroyed their communities. I never met any real hippies, those beautiful, well-dressed, loving, and non-violent «flower people». But I saw loads of «zonards»: fake hippies living off petty theft and parasitism, while eyeing their joints with greedy stares.

I sometimes wonder: what if those we called «Hippies» were all zonards? Fortunately, there were genuine ones who sought spirituality instead of drugs. Alexandra David-Néel mentions some who came to see her at Samten Dzong, and who «asked very pertinent questions». Others sought to meet Tibetan Lamas, which is how the Kopan Monastery in Kathmandu and the Vajra Yogini Institute in France came into being. But once this done, these people ceased to «be Hippies».

- The leftists, and more generally marxists and communists, created a great deal of hope among the many enslaved or exploited peoples. Hence the success of this movement. However, their sadomasochistic fantasies of violence and repression have led to marxism's demise, and it can now only flourish in a few isolated countries, cut off from the free flow of information. In Western Europe (as it was called at the time), they could not afford to play these games with their members and supporters, but they had a knack for being utterly tiresome. Moreover, they opposed all the other movements: ecology, the Hippies, non-violence, and especially spirituality. While systematically infiltrating these movements, even Lanza del Vasto's Ark suffered losses.

-Ecology was a very diverse movement. The majority were not involved in politics, and those who were represented the entire political spectrum. But above all, spirituality was also represented, despite the hostility of Charlie Hebdo. Their actions for a better world were primarily organic food buying groups, actively ignored by the leftist factions. These groups, and all the beautiful projects for self-governed communes, never really took off, and the few «ecovillage» projects still mentioned today never describe the spiritual methods for achieving harmonious coexistence. Well, ecology is still very much alive today, even if the media no longer talks about it. But activists abandoned the political arena after the disastrous taking over of the movement by the Greens in the 1980s. So we no longer see them at demonstrations or on the TV. But they are the ones who founded the companies which today produce organic food or green energy.

-The contactees of the 1980s were a degeneration of the ufological movements of the 1950s-70s. Following scientific studies demonstrating the reality of UFOs, most people believed they were spacecraft piloted by extraterrestrials. This lent credence to the idea that they could contact us. However, the lack of any means to verify this assertion (Karl Popper), coupled with the elusive nature of the phenomenon (Méheust), allowed a multitude of mythomaniacs and con artists to present themselves as contactees, shielding themselves from any verification behind fallacies such as «they only contact sufficiently evolved people». Needless to say, these groups never went far, getting caught at the first attempt at fraud, or degenerating into far-right extremism or conspirationism.

-The «New Age» (this chapter) was one of the many manifestations of spirituality, roughly during the 1980s. It was the first spiritual movement independent of the religions (and of the sects of the 1970s). Linking spirituality to a project for a better society finally allowed spirituality to be used for its true purpose: to modify our psyches, so that we could truly live in this better society without falling into all the pitfalls of the previous movements. However, the lack of leadership allowed just as many crackpots and manipulators to present themselves as gurus and try to change the minds of others before their own. In fact, New Age groups were simply reproducing the sects of the 1970s, but local and self-governing, in a way. This freed the false gurus from administrative tasks, allowing them to focus on harassment full-time. The end of the New Age movement around 1990 highlighted, by contrast, the emergence of genuine spiritual currents, managed seriously and offering everyone methods truly capable of transforming our minds, notably Buddhism (If you don't like me only mentioning Buddhism, do the same with your religion). (Added 2026: psychology studied their methods, making them now as good for leading a balanced life).

The shameful failures of these movements, and the need in early 1990 to care for my children, forced me to abandon the endeavor to create a better, exemplary society. In any case, no such movement has emerged since. Should we see this as an indication that this approach was flawed? I still believe it can work, but only with a sound spiritual approach. This will undoubtedly happen, but gradually, discreetly, without turning it into «a movement» that the media can name and denigrate, or that parasites and ideologues can invade and destroy from within. Anti-lifers are already forced to label people by force, for example «woke». But by lack of a clear definition or real-world examples, everybody is woke, lol! This situation is a reminiscent of the novel «1984», where the government oppresses its entire population under the pretext of fighting an enemy that no one ever sees.

There still is, however, the other approach: moving society forward by raising the bar more slowly, but for everybody at once. Many people with right-leaning sensibilities will prefer this approach, which at least does not risk leading to these scams. However, this approach has as many limitations:

- People's opinions, which can block them or even turn them against progress

- Areas in the world where people are deprived of access to information

- Ideologies which block information or «immunize» people against the truth

- The media, which always tries to block everything

- And now, social media used as weapons of mass manipulation instead of a platform for community life.

This means that this approach is still very slow to bear fruit. Nevertheless, despite these obstacles, we are seeing slow but persistent improvement in many areas:

- A decrease in crime (observed by scientists in many places, but not by right-wing political parties)

- Fewer dictatorships

- The rise of various positive ideas: ecology, science, spirituality, equality, etc. These last three points are probably the most dangerous for the system, hence the false movements designed to sow doubt: «critical race theory», «gender studies», cryptocurrencies, drug legalization, etc.

The democratization of spirituality, and now if «non-religious» psychological methods like CBT, are finally allowing people to control their minds and heal themselves of their neuroses and opinions. It works very well, I know people who did it. The transformation can be so radical, in just some years, that even facial expressions change; I have seen it.

However, with advanced spirituality, we learn far more powerful methods than any form of activism, methods which allow us to act by overriding personal neuroses, censorship, poverty, and so on. I will not hesitate to use them, and I shall not be the first. However, I am not talking about this publicly for the time being.

Well, in 1990 I was not quite there yet, and the following chapter will recount my beginnings in spirituality and my struggle to get my children out of the Faitg. All while trying to rebuild my life in society, since the alternatives had failed to provide pleasant living spaces and an economic fabric capable of supporting us. In 1990, without a job, we quickly became homeless.

The Tantric Sexual Revolution

Added in 2025

If the 1970s were the years of the Sexual Revolution, freedom, and contraception, the 1990s saw another, much deeper revolution: Tantric sexuality.

Well, during the 1980s, attitudes towards sex became more subdued, and the couple returned to the forefront, instead of the «free» sexuality seen in «La vallée», which most often led only to chaos. Yes, breakups hurt, and people became more cautious. Above all, we understood that sex and feelings are inseparable. What could be sadder than waking up in the morning without the tenderness of the person we made love to?

However, we saw that as early as 1985, a rumor began to spread that a man could experience pleasure for more time (and therefore give his wife more pleasure) if he refrained from ejaculating. I even read a book (by the Chinese author Yolan Chan) which explained several techniques supposedly designed to delay ejaculation. I even remember Noisette doing one of those techniques to me! So, this was between 1985 and 1989, the year she stopped coming to our bedroom.

Well, the results were not spectacular, but they were not nonexistent either, which encouraged me to continue exploring the subject. The opportunity soon presented itself: Shortly after leaving the Faitg, in 1990 or 1991, there was a New Age exhibition at the Parc des Expositions in Toulouse (the New Age was therefore gaining acceptance in society; it is just a shame it was nearing its end). There, I found Mantak Chia's books, which provide much more detailed explanations, not only of the gestures, but also of the meditations, without which nothing happens.

Indeed, the gestures have only a limited effectiveness, whereas the meditations produce nothing less than the rise of Kundalini! I had heard of Kundalini in Yoga, as something which happens to «advanced» practitioners. In fact, with such tools, I managed it quite easily, it just takes time. Kundalini opens the doors to the high spirituality known as Tantric. However, there are other conditions and steps to be able to call oneself a «Tantrika», and I had to wait another ten years for that.

In the meantime, even for purely hedonistic purposes, it works very well, and I easily managed to have about ten orgasms per session! Well, alone, unfortunately, since at that time Noisette had left me (and I had reported their abuse to the authorities, which in their hypocritical circles made me consider an apostate damned for eternity). Moreover, as we shall see, I was not keen on getting into another relationship, seeing all too clearly the seeds of the same problems in a lot of the women I met. In any case, I did not received any more offers either, as I was approaching 40, which apparently still makes us considered washed up, useless.

In fact, Tantrism, its Kundalini and its Vajra bodies, is a spiritual current which transcends the religions, since we find Buddhist Tantrism, Hindu Tantrism, Jainism, Taoism (Mantak Chia), and even branches of Judaism and Islam (Sufism). Simple Hatha Yoga is already Tantrism (if you do the meditations; otherwise, it is just gymnastics). The origin of Tantrism is said to be... the Mystery Cults of ancient Greece, brought by the armies of Alexander the Great, in the Gandara culture (present-day Afghanistan). From there, it was synthesized with Buddhist and Hindu spirituality. Finally, the practice spread to Tibet, but also to the West via the Thebaid (monastic and esoteric Christianity) and the Hejaz (Sufism).

In practice, however, only Buddhism offers Tantric teachings to everybody, the others remaining «among themselves». On the other hand, Buddhists do not teach Tantric sex: in over thirty years of practicing Buddhism, I have not met a single couple who openly claimed to be Tantric (and only a few whom I suspect they are). This is despite the number of explicit depictions, the constant references to Kundalini and bliss, the Tantra vows, etc. The first reason lies in the traditional Buddhist mistrust of sex. But also, they quickly realized that if you offer Westerners meditation, Yoga, lifestyle advice, rituals, depictions, motivations, and sex, then 10 minutes later all they remember is sex. I can imagine the chaos in Buddhist centers if these things were practiced openly there! (Just look at Bhagwan's pseudo-ashram). Instead, they offer visualizations which produce the same spiritual results, but without the risks. Personally, I do not regret starting with this, but I had to do the whole corpus, like everybody else.

As for love and hedonistic sex, Tantric sex is a much deeper and more spectacular sexual revolution than the sexual liberation of the Hippies, which developed between 1985 and 2000:

-Much more pleasure, without resorting to dangerous or questionable methods

-Connecting sex to spirituality, instead of making it a matter of shame or a burden binding us to materialism.

-In the context of a mature and responsible romantic relationship, instead of denying emotions.

-In the context of sexual equality. Mantak Chia even offered exercises for gay men.

-However, it is not an effective form of natural contraception. We had to wait until 2020 to find the first penis sheaths on amazon.

At this point, you have probably noticed something curious.

There has been a major revolution in human life, as important as democracy or electricity, and nobody is talking about it.

Imagine someone discovering electricity and using it at home, their lights illuminating the street. But nobody else is trying to benefit from it either. And on top of that, they pretend not to know when it is mentioned! It is not for lack of having put a link to Mantak Chia's books on my website, 25 years later everyone should have heard about it by now. Even practitioners of Tantric Buddhism (at least several thousand in France) have all heard of ejaculation retention, but I have never heard a single one commenting on it, or even asking about the purpose of a practice which seems to contradict the very objective of sex.

A global revolution, and nobody knows about it?

A fantastic improvement to life in bed, and practically everybody still just having banal sex and sputtering, finished in less than five minutes???

99.999% of people are rejecting a global discovery which would make them so much happier?

Even in Second Life, the freest place imaginable, everything remains centered on ejaculation.

And we ask why the Greeks did not made the Industrial Revolution, even though they knew about steam power.

I'm incredulous.

There's something bizarroidal, something abnormalic about it.

Should we laugh, or should we be saddened?

I imagine the angels, high above in the heavens, contemplating this situation without understanding.

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to improve the situation.

I can only bear witness that it works, in these memories. Whether we seek spirituality or simply pleasure.

However, it has worked since 1990 in the West, and for at least 1500 years in the East.

Memories of Richard Trigaux:
Le Faitg, New Age community (1981-1990)

First impressions: what was the Faitg

How I could fall into that trap

More spiritual trap

Who was Viviane

The golden Age of the Faitg

Vegetarian

The New Age

The silver age of the Faitg

The fauna of the anti-society people.

The snakes pact

The iron age, or why this failure in getting out of the Faitg (Summer 1985)

Relapsing

The so-called contactees (Le Faitg, 1985)

The spiritual contact, explanations (Le Faitg, 1985)

Strange green dusk (Le Faitg, 1985)

The music of the 1980’s

The Faitg: golden Age again, then iron age.

My first computer and my technical activities.

The fauna of the anti-society people

The hunters

The Faitg of the Birds

The Eolis

Patrice and his family

Esther

The Colonel

Serralongue

My children: not desired, but still welcome.

Children mistreatment

Viviane’s sexual trouble

How I finally went out of the Faitg.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy

Other unflattering revelations with the end of the Faitg.

The organic-vegetarian pedophile.

The Faitg today: the sad end of anti-society people.

Should a minority set the example, or should we all evolve together?

The Tantric Sexual Revolution

Memories of Richard Trigaux:Le Faitg, New Age community (1981-1990)

First impressions: what was the Faitg

How I could fall into that trap

More spiritual trap

Who was Viviane

The golden Age of the Faitg

Vegetarian

The New Age

The silver age of the Faitg

The fauna of the anti-society people.

The snakes pact

The iron age, or why this failure in getting out of the Faitg (Summer 1985)

Relapsing

The so-called contactees (Le Faitg, 1985)

The spiritual contact, explanations (Le Faitg, 1985)

Strange green dusk (Le Faitg, 1985)

The music of the 1980’s

The Faitg: golden Age again, then iron age.

My first computer and my technical activities.

The fauna of the anti-society people

The hunters

The Faitg of the Birds

The Eolis

Patrice and his family

Esther

The Colonel

Serralongue

My children: not desired, but still welcome.

Children mistreatment

Viviane’s sexual trouble

How I finally went out of the Faitg.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy

Other unflattering revelations with the end of the Faitg.

The organic-vegetarian pedophile.

The Faitg today: the sad end of anti-society people.

Should a minority set the example, or should we all evolve together?

The Tantric Sexual Revolution

Memories of Richard Trigaux:
Le Faitg, New Age community (1981-1990)