Liu Wang took a long time to recover her mind powers. Her body was painful as if beaten, and she was feeling extremely tired and drowsy.
She was on a bed, in a cold room of raw brown mortar, with only some wooden planks furniture, a sink with a tap and a dirty toilet can. The window had been obtruded with stones and concrete, and there was only a weak electric lamp, so that she had no idea of whatever it was day or night.
She dragged some ugly coloured covers on her to avoid the cold, and took the time to remember why she was here. She was in the retreat place, and did not remembered. Then she remembered the helicopter, and then the three men, and then the anaesthetic shot, with the small purplish wound it left under her right bosom. It is a very frustrating experience, to lose control on our own body, following the attack of some evil being.
She realised that she had been hijacked, but lengthily wondered why.
Then the drug finished to dissipate and she recovered her consciousness power. She was still in retreat. There was no reason to stop. The Lama was the only authority who could release her from her retreat vows. Bandits, whoever they were, had not this authority. So she arranged the covers in order to sit in lotus against the wall. There was no dordje nor bell, and even no rosary. No matter, these objects are only meditation aids, they are not the meditation. She even felt flattered to be allowed to practice with an handicap.
So she resumed her practice, visualising her as the Kalachakra deity, with all the Mandala, nice buildings, flowers, elegant trees, marvellously blue sky. She was a mighty deity with a superb body and the warmest heart in the world. The illusion was not the wonderful visualisation, but the ugly prison where her flesh body was. This prison was an illusory emanation of mind disturbances of other people she would have to liberate of these mind disturbances. This prison was really Shunyata, the emptiness, illusory while appearing to her sensory organs. Illusory, as it had no ultimate purpose.
Then she switched to the Lamrim meditation. If she was there in this suffering generating situation, it is because of her bad karma, of the bad actions she committed in previous lives. So it was useless to try to elude this confrontation: it would only reappear later, in worse. The only solution was to purify this karma, using her suffering as a motivation to do this. Thus, the more she suffers, the more her purification becomes efficient! She engaged into the most powerful purification practice: Vajrasattva. She first generated a strong regret (note) of her past bad actions (it was not difficult to regret actions which engaged her in such a painful situation). Then she generated confidence into the deity. (Not difficult: what else to do in such an absurd and hopeless situation, that to ask for a miracle?). Then she engaged into the very pleasant visualisation of purifying white light soothing her body and mind, cleansing any defilement and obscuration. This is usually done in reciting the mantra, but without rosary she did not counted them. It was of no matter, as she was allotted with plenty of time. When she felt it was about hundred, she engaged into the conclusion: to generate a firm motivation never to engage again into harmful actions.
Suddenly the door slung open.
One of her attackers entered, with a meal tray and some food. Another stayed outdoors. Both were wearing their military suit and gun holsters, and had a strong tobacco smell.
«Awake?» made the first in Chinese.
Liu just minded to reply «yes» to the bandit. But she remembered she was still in retreat. Tcheugyal was clear: she had to stay in retreat so long she could make a fire puja. If these guys wanted her to speak, they just had to allow her for a fire puja, light fire, bring all the ingredients, flowers, butter, sesame seeds and the like. After, she could speak, to tell them she had nothing to say to bandits.
«Here is some food. We are not bandits»
Liu difficultly repressed a laughter. But she remembered in time that mocking was not the right behaviour. In place of this, she began to recite the mantra of the universal compassion: Om Mani Padme Houng. Yes it was this: to feel for these guys a strong compassion, as there were only poor people mislaid by perverse ideologies and unmastered emotions. They were basically like her: seeking for happiness. But they did not seek it in the right place. And this led them to nasty behaviours. Poor guys. It could be so simple if Liu could share with them her knowledge and understanding of life...
The man looked at her. She was sitting in lotus, motionless, except her lips slightly moving with the mantra. Her eyes were open, but absent. The man was somewhat impressed, and tried in vain not to let her see this.
«OK, you are angry after us. No matter. You have to eat, and after it shall be time to sleep. We constantly look at you, in case you try to suicide». Then he went out and locked the door.
Liu noted the mechanism he used to reassure his mind, in trying to interpret her attitude as anger. The concern about suicide was also ridiculous: Liu had never felt so positive in her life. These guys were far less impressive that the demons she had just vanquished, and even if they killed her, they were absolutely not able to follow her in her after death paradise. She rose to eat the food. It was of poor quality, and contained meat. She put the meat asides and ate the remainder.
She checked the window, but it was hopelessly concealed. These guys likely did not knew that she was able to kill anybody in her cell immediately. But she didn't, as she was in retreat. And even if she did this, she did not knew what was awaiting her outdoors. So it should be a mistake to reveal her true strength at that time.
There were not much noises in the building. Some men, at least four as they used to play ma-jong, speaking loudly in Chinese. The wind outdoors. No animals, no road noise. Perfect, she could meditate without being disturbed. The only problem was the light, she could not switch it off.
The next morning saw the same scenario. The two men reappeared with a meal tray. Liu was still sitting in lotus, as if she never moved, and still with the mantra on her lips.
«Hey, to sleep you have to lay in the bed, not to sit on!»
Good information, they observed her with a camera.
«Useless to speak to her, she is a fanatic»
Another good information: they were an antireligious movement or sect. Useless to speak, they answered all the questions she could ask.
«Miss, we are not going to mistreat you. But if you try to suicide...»
They were really upset with this idea of suicide. Poor ninnies, she could do this very easily, with the Powa meditation, and, even with the camera, when they would realise, it would be far too late. But to suicide was not really her project for now. She just raised her arm and pointed her finger toward a blackboard she improvised just before, bearing these inscriptions: «Need: -no meat -toilet paper» and her preferred brand of feminine hygiene products.
She could perfectly see the guy turning red. Hey, military training does not make an adult from a child.
The door slung close, only to reopen one hour later. But this time it was another man, looking Westerner, wearing an ancient brown Western suit, and speaking a good American. He was very seriously bringing a reel of toilet paper, apparently not aware that this situation was perfectly ridiculous.
«Miss Liu Wang, I understand that you are shocked and that you do not want to speak (Liu noted that again, they used a self-mind control process in order to digest the fact she was in a religious attitude) and we are very sorry of this (again an hypocrisy). So we are going to make your sojourn as pleasant as possible. For this we shall transfer you in another more pleasant place, as soon as we could do this safely. The fanatic Tibetan police is looking at us, and they closed the boundaries. So as soon as we shall be quiet, you will get more comfortable conditions (he tried to provoke a Stockholm syndrome, note).
«You may wonder why you were arrested (he tried to present himself as being the law). It is simply that your husband Steve Jason made a very dangerous discovery, and we must protect the world against the very noxious consequences of that. (Huu! To protect the world, nothing else). So long as your husband has a correct attitude, you will be in safety here. (Stockholm syndrome again). We even expected that you may help us to convince your husband, but you are worse than him, with your fanaticism.»
The man was turning into the room, with still his reel of paper in his hand. Then he continued:
«We are a very powerful organisation. I can even tell you my name: Mister Tegal. But in my country no one can guess my true activity and my true ideal. Even if you flee you could not denounce me, as I have many friends who would give me powerful alibis.
«Our purpose is to protect the world. You know that there are nasty ideas about spiritual change. These ideas could have tremendous pernicious effects. Already you see the terrible consequences of ecology: the ideals of power, competition and expansion have been lost, and many countries are now experiencing a zero growth, as much in population as in general income. These ideas of spirituality also lead intelligent people like your husband to believe in irrational ideologies and to work with that so called Shedrup Ling University which mix everything with its General Epistemology which is only a mind control method for the bloody religious to give a scientific look to their heaps of irrational beliefs.»
Tegal was looking somewhat angry. He was now standing in front of Liu, with a challenging look. Of course he understood the absent eyes and the lips slightly moving as a provocation. Liu was really far from this, she was in the karmic mechanics of the retreat. Even if she was about to be killed or tortured, it was the karmic ripening of her past actions, and it was completely useless to try to escape it: it would come later, in worse. The only thing to do in such a situation was to make the Lamrim yoga of not bothering with the situation, and to purify this karma, in dedicating her hardship to her spiritual progress. She could even dedicate this to the liberation of this Tegal. If she could really purify this karma, thus these guys could do nothing to her. At a moment even the physical reality would manifest in a way to protect her. This was a powerful bet, but based on the ultimate working of reality, far beyond the illusory physical appearances. It shall work. There was anyway no other escape, with such a mad guy. Liu used the whole power of the situation: what would so violently drive ordinary people into terror and suffering, she used it as a motivation for her purification practice. It was difficult, like walking on a wire in the air, but from the very power of that situation the effect was astounding, and she was now feeling an incredible strength.
It was somewhat difficult to keep a concentration in front of Tegal. He was very gossip, a rather unprofessional feature for a spy. Liu began to pay attention to his speech, as she could really note much information. But she did not stopped her mantra, simply switching to the Manjushri mantra of clear intelligence and understanding.
«And you, who are also a clever scientist, you have been completely made by the religious, and are now losing an invaluable time into who knows what reflection or fretting. I bet you do not even think, with this strange idea of Emptiness (note). Don't you realise that there are many things to enjoy in life? To hear music, to have a drink with friends (she just avoided to burst with laughters with such a strange idea. She experienced alcohol when she was a youngster, just to feel deeply humiliated of not being able to master her thoughts and speech in front of her «friends», who did not missed to mock at her! The simplest meditations for beginners are far more pleasant, not to speak of the delicious ambrosia she generated in the advanced yoga practices). You could be far richer (material temptation!), if you could work for instance in places such as the Applied Mind Science University (Liu noted this name) and not in this poor Tibetan Shedrup Ling university (he mixed everything: Shedrup Ling was not Tibetan, but international)
«You may know that life is short, and that you must enjoy it right now before it is too late (right thought, but false conclusion). Because after, there is nothing, nothing, nothing!» He hammered out these words with a kind of rage. Perhaps the most disturbing for him was not the survival of consciousness, but the fact that there could be some paradise after. The idea of innocent people being happy despites him was really upsetting him.
«What happen to you right now is because of your husband, as he...
-What he did?» Liu suddenly realised she had been made! Sure at least, she could never get any answer to that question.
«Hey hey you pretend to be a great yogi and you cannot keep your retreat commitments» Liu was really mortified, and understood that the guy was much stronger and more sly she expected. It was really dangerous to only pay attention to his speech. She realised that he was malicious enough to speak of her retreat as something he hardly knew, while in fact he perfectly knew what she was doing, just to attack her on this side as soon as she lowered her guard. Thus he could really be able to make her feel guilty, and thus ruin her meditation and karma liberation practice. As a matter of fact she was really feeling darker. It was a kind of psychological torture, and she really felt afraid of being entangled into this man's disordered thoughts and dirty vibration. It was like another demon attack, but the solution was not here the Lamrim Yoga, but attention and concentration, divine pride and destruction of her ego. In fact to be dragged into this man's thoughts was not very different of the situation most people experience, when they are dragged by their own disordered thoughts!
Tegal was now looking at her with a frankly mocking laugh. Liu, accustomed since long ago to see only the gentle smile of Buddhist practitioners, the deferent attitude of her students, or at worse the neutral look of her colleagues, suddenly felt deeply vexed with this spiteful irony. Fortunately one of the Chinese guards entered at this moment, to tell something at low voice to Tegal. The later suddenly went out, not without concluding:
«We have a problem: it is very difficult to go to China now, as the fanatic Tibetan police is lurking everywhere. So we do not have any other alternative than to keep you into this Middle Age cell. Have a good meditation now, great Yogini!»
OK, she was still in Tibet, good to know.
But now Liu was witnessing all her character of «great Yogini» crashing down, with a shame feeling, as when she was a little girl being scolded for some mess she did. This guy was really wicked, and she suddenly felt a strong desire to kill him, to get mankind rid off such evil beings, able to destroy in a minute the result of six months of hardship and effort in her retreat. Then she managed to regain some control and resume her meditation. But it was not possible to simply forget the experience. Shame would need days to dissipate, and Tegal would certainly come again, perhaps several times a day, perhaps all the time. So she began to visualise her master Sangye Tcheugyal, who may certainly have some comfort for her, in such an improper situation.
She was soon able to make a mental image of Tcheugyal, but he had the same nasty ironical look than Tegal, and even the same dirty-coloured clothes, and he was also mocking at the «great Yogini», exactly as Tegal did! Thinking she was in trouble, Liu did again the mental image creation, but it did again the same thing, and she heard Tcheugyal saying, with Tegal's mocking voice: «Take your enemies as spiritual masters!» and then: «It is only the self-cherishment which provokes vexation».
She already heard this many times, in Tcheugyal teachings and many other masters' teachings. She knew that if Tcheugyal was really there, he could say the same thing, perhaps in an as much incisive way. She remembered that she had been sometimes vexed by some remarks of her master, but that she preferred to ignore this, only to see a gentle Tcheugyal comforting her and congratulating her in her progress in higher Yogas. The karma of this self-blindness was now manifest...
OK, things were now clear in Liu's head. She had been beaten down the ground by the karmic mechanics, by some gear she neglected. But it was exactly as in a Judo session, only a matter to examine how she had been made, and learn, really exactly as if Tegal had been a Judo master (or her secret martial art) showing her a new Judo hold. She falls, but this is only the Judo session. Tegal's real pitiful motives were of really no matter, Liu just had to learn from the situation, as if Tegal was just a mirror showing her only her own mind defilements.
And how did she was made? By self-cherishment, egocentricity. She was really proud of her character of Yogini involved in Buddhist practice since twenty years, able to undergo a six month retreat in a harsh place, able of vanquishing demons and to generate very pleasant feelings and luminous ambrosia. But this pride was still a trap, as, precisely, she had this image to defend. Tegal, or any other manipulator, could attack and harm her precisely on this point. If there was no image to defend, simply nobody could harm her in any way. Whatever they could say, whatever criticism they could issue, relevant or defamatory, good willed or venomous, simply there was no more target to reach, and thus no possible harm. All this suddenly appeared very clearly into Liu's head: she was nothing, just a consciousness, an empty consciousness in which thoughts passed by and forth. Tegal's speech? Just noise. Meaningless noise.
Liu remembered her first meditations for beginners, twenty years ago. She had a very gentle old Taoist Chi Gong master, who asked her to meditate in a room near a noisy restaurant. Of course, it was difficult, as the noise and discussions always disturbed her, catching her mind into banal concerns. At last, somewhat angry, she asked her master to meditate in a less noisy place. He refused, gently explaining her that she was not patient enough. Of course, it is impossible, for a beginner, to concentrate into a noisy room, but it is also impossible in the silence, as in this case it is his own thoughts which made the noise! So he asked her to simply accept the noise, without trying to fight it or worrying about it as a stupid thing. When she would be able to do that, and only then, she could speak of meditation. At first, Liu did not understood this; for her meditating was just to visualise higher vibrations, energies and pleasant feelings, and noise and casual thoughts were just obstacles to eliminate. Some days it worked and she was delighted, while on other days she was disturbed and she got worried, or angry after her neighbours.
Liu, who was still somewhat hard-headed at that time, abandoned this Taoist master to her first Buddhist master, but he told her exactly the same thing, with a teasing look, in the very straightforward way of the Zen masters. He even used exactly the same words as the Taoist master, as if he knew by telepathy what happened with him, but this time it was rather a beating than a gentle advice! Liu was so confused that she avoided both masters for some months. But she secretly trained to this exercise... She effectively became more patient, better tempered, and able of a more stable concentration, with or without noise. One day, she unexpectedly faced her old Taoist master in the subway, and she was only able to stare at him with shyness. He simply said: «Good, you can begin real meditation now!» and... he died some days after.
Deeply impressed, Liu soon went into the Zen master's temple, and simply sat in silence in the meditation session, without introducing herself. The Zen master did not minded, even not looking at her, as if he did even not noticed her. But when he passed among the students to check the postures, he gave her a firm blow in a precise point of the back, and it was as if a heap of loose bones all took firmly their right place together. After only three years, this Zen Master sent Liu to the Tantra master Sangye Tcheugyal.
Liu allowed her mind to fully recollect this experience, realising that now it was the same thing again. But in place of simply the noise, it was all the spectrum of evil speech and revenge emotions she had to face, to accept, and then just look at them to disappear, to dissipate, spontaneously, without her doing nothing. All this appeared very clearly in her mind, as the sun suddenly breaking through clouds. So it was now just a matter of training. This retreat was getting really interesting, so much that she even hoped to see again Tegal soon.
When the later entered again, nothing was changed in the room, and Liu was still sitting, absent looking, her lips still slightly moving. But Tegal suddenly felt like very tired...
Scenario, graphics, sounds, colours, realization: Richard Trigaux.
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